≡ Menu

How Cold Is It?

Meanwhile in Minnesota:

Meanwhile in Wisconsin:

If Minnesota and Wisconsin ever merge, their combined populations will have to relocate to Canada every morning.

The New-Age Evil Clown Explanation? Well, you see all that global warming in Asia just flows up through Russia. (That’s cause warm air rises south to north, right? Right.) And after the tropical paradise of Russia it flows over the North Pole and the Arctic Ocean (Those places have been melting and getting warmer, right? Right.) and it gets really, really cold by sweeping along those less than vast and rapidly melting arctic ice fields, (Those  winds from far away blow mainly through the very very cold stratosphere, right? Shut up.) and so when it skips across Canada these vast waves of global warming are actually refrigerated and made super-cold, and that’s how global warming is really very cold except when it’s warm. Right? Right.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Casey Klahn February 1, 2019, 6:42 PM

    Glad our outhouse is still in service. No school like the old school. Now, if’n I could just convince the family to use it…

  • PA Cat February 1, 2019, 7:32 PM

    The polar vortex is Canada’s revenge for the War of 1812. At least they haven’t inflicted le petit Justin on us.

  • ghostsniper February 1, 2019, 7:55 PM

    Somebody needs to throw another log on the fire.
    Last week my wife insisted I install one of those soft seats on the toilet in the master cause it’s not nearly as cold as the wooden one.

  • Flyover February 1, 2019, 8:16 PM

    When the solar minimum kicks in, things will really get frosted.

  • Aggie February 1, 2019, 8:23 PM

    Holy shit, somebody’s toilet has ice hemorrhoids.

  • Jaynie February 2, 2019, 5:05 AM

    Oh no, frozen toilets. Like a bad joke. I was talking with an acquaintance who works in the field of global warming a little while ago. In a complicated way, as he explained it at some length, the funny paragraph above, that ‘new age evil clown’ explanation, was pretty much where he went with it. He’s a serious scientist. And around these parts, blue part of a blue state, in any conversation that touches upon the topic, climate change is a given. As conservatives often say, climate change is akin to a religion for the left. That seems accurate.

  • Gordon Scott February 2, 2019, 6:42 AM

    Oh, it’s more like: Ecology is the religion. Global Warming is a tenet of faith, as is the idea we can all ride bicycles year round, and thus eliminate gasoline, and replace coal and natural gas with solar and wind power. Recycling is a sacrament, as is eating organic, or vegan. GMO food is thus, blasphemous.

    Oh, and they’re serious. In Minneapolis a lot of good road has been carved off for bicycle-only use, and as the bike lanes use up extra space for the “barrier” lane, the parking is gone also. In some areas, the bike lane is on the boulevard, next to the sidewalk, and thus one has the startling sight of a pickup with plow and salt hopper rolling down the sidewalk. Oh, and that salt is not going to do your lawn a lot of good, but grass lawns are bourgeois and pollute the Mississippi anyway, unless you subscribe to the fully organic lawn service (no joke, I saw them at the home show last week).

    And amazingly enough, one didn’t see any bicycles during the -20 or colder phase. Truthfully one doesn’t see but a few bicycles in the winter in Minneapolis. In the vibrant neighborhoods one is more likely to see an adult male riding a stolen children’s bike, but he’s not using the bike lane, and he’ll abandon it when he gets to his destination, where the bike will be torn apart for fun by feral kids.

    But the bicycle mafia tried to get a remodeled Walgreen’s store denied permission for a drive-thru lane. They failed, after it was pointed out that some less-than-fully-nimble people really kind of need those drive-thru conveniences. But once they achieve their dream of building multi-units on all of the single-family home lots, they’ll have driven most of those folks away anyhow.

    How they expect to get dinner from that Thai place five miles away, delivered, without a car, is something to worry about later.

  • Gordon Scott February 2, 2019, 7:00 AM

    I did tell the wife this week that the wood stove I’ve been thinking about for backup heat should be moved to the front of the line of home-improvement projects. She replied that she thought there were other, more urgent needs. I didn’t argue. She’ll think about it and come around. During this little cold snap, there were a fair number of hours-long power outages in the metro, as folks cranked up the space heaters and the transformers on the pole outside blew up from overload.

    What was new this time was that the natural gas company started begging folks to turn down the heat because of shortages. In one outstate town some folks lost gas service for a while. Now I lived here in the 80s and 90s when below zero days were much more common, and there was never, ever a shortage of natural gas. I suspect that the gas company’s backup storage capacity has not kept up with the population expansion.

    Either way, I want that wood stove operational by November 1. We had one cold water line freeze up this week. It’s the only one that is next to an outside wall, but I don’t really want to deal with the consequences of a houseful of frozen water lines. And, as that great anti-Russian commentator Rachel Maddow warns, what if the Russkis EMP us?

  • james wilson February 2, 2019, 9:34 AM

    It’s funny how Americans got more religious when they lost their religion. It’s as if they maintained a certain skepticism while undergoing the trouble of belief which was lost when they had none.

  • Marica February 2, 2019, 10:27 AM

    1) Suggest your wife take a few classes in the Department of Redundancy Department?
    2) Frozen pipes. I kid you not b/c I accidentally dug one up with a spade when we first moved in, and I saw them put some in when we upgraded one of the structures on the farm, here in Mississippi they bury water pipes about 6″ deep. Six inches. Everything is built on a slab (or worse has an exposed crawl space), so everything that uses water is on an outside wall. This can be a challenge if the cold is accompanied by power outages (no space heaters blowing under sinks). Thankfully, 3 of 4 of the hot water heaters on the farm are propane– drip drip drip– though if the regulator freezes up… . Well, actually if the regulator freezes up it’s easy to fix– just pour really hot water on it, which if all else has failed, you get from using the butane burners. Department of Redundancy Department.

  • AesopFan February 2, 2019, 12:42 PM

    Colorado isn’t as cold as the Real North, but we have a couple of kerosene heaters and propane Rhino tanks for the small appliances. Not enough for serious long-term use, but would get us through a couple of days. After that, we move in with the kids who have a fireplace.

  • Lance de Boyle February 2, 2019, 2:27 PM

    Down here in the sunny south (65 good ol’ degrees), we laugh. “Ha ha on you, carpetbagging bastards. Just might go out–without a shirt—and pick some collards.” A little song. A little dance. A hot potato down your pants, carpet bagging bastards. [adapted from Mary Typer Moore show]

  • ghostsniper February 3, 2019, 4:57 AM

    We have a propane fired forced air furnace and sheet metal duct work. Probably the most inefficient system ever created. It is not easily changed after the fact. Immediately after moving into the place 13 years ago I bought and installed a large DESA propane fired fireplace in the living room. It requires no power, other than a 9v battery for the remote. When the power goes out due to snapped lines from fallen frozen tree branches, the furnace can’t fire and when the temp dips below 68 the fireplace kicks in automatically. The temp can be adjusted with the remote and will cycle automatically after that.

    Here in my detached office I bought and installed a ProCom wall mounted propane blue flame heater, 5000 btu. Total cost was less than $200 and it works excellently. It’s a radiant heat and after it cycles off with the built in thermostat the “things” in the rooom continue to radiate heat into the space making a very smooth heat spread with no hot or cold spots. Nice. I have a large 18″ pedestal fan sitting about 8′ in front of the heater (mounted about 4′ above the floor) that broadcasts the heat out into the larger space. The wall the heater is on is covered floor to ceiling wall to wall with those vintage metal signs that reflect back into the room. This is my winter self contained haven. A veritable apartment. After I’m gone my wife could rent this to a couple college wenches for some extra coin. But more likely she’ll use it as her art studio.

  • Jeff Brokaw February 3, 2019, 6:52 AM

    Glad to see you finally understand, Gerard. You finally love Big Brother.

  • wheels February 3, 2019, 4:08 PM

    Back in the winter of 1975-76, I had friends who had to break the skin of ice in their toilet in the mornings. We were all living in Idaho Falls at the time.

  • Maga February 3, 2019, 7:49 PM

    Take a flying leap at a rolling doughnut for a really great item. It just blew my little brain out my anal pore to see that picture from the people’s republic of Wisconsin. Some think its from Minnesota but they’re morons. I should know.