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Homeland Security reminds you to stay socially distant during and after a nuclear blast

What’s worse? A nuclear blast that incinerates your town or exposure afterwards to the Chinese Bio-Weapon that’s been savaging the world for 3 years?

It’s a toss-up but, unlike being burned to a radioactive crisp, you can still entertain yourself in the rubble by masking and social distancing in the ruins of western civilization.

This is the “guidance” from the career assholes at Homeland Security who seem content to sit in a non-dispersing cloud of their own flatulence forever. (But six feet apart, natch.)

In event of nuclear war, US government agency reminds to socially distance and to wear a mask Americans have been instructed by the country’s emergency management agency to maintain social distancing and to wear a mask if sheltering with members from outside of their household in the case of a nuclear explosion.

In instructions provided by Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), an agency of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, which were last updated on Friday, Americans should have already familiarized themselves with potential refuge points near to their homes, their place of work or indeed during their commute, and are encouraged to “prepare NOW” by creating an “Emergency Supply Kit” with supplies “for three or more days.”

So, kids, should you see that gigantic earthside flash of a nuke shimmering on the horizon, where should you get to?

Here are some more things that you never ever knew about nukes if  you happen to be a member of Homeland Security or FEMA that lives in a part of an American city teeming with folks of room temperature IQs or less. Emphasis added where my jaw dropped at the mind-numbing stupidity being demonstrated by the act of writing these “helpful hints.”

Nuclear Explosion | Ready.gov:   Nuclear explosions can cause significant damage and casualties from blast, heat, and radiation but you can keep your family safe by knowing what to do and being prepared if it occurs.

A nuclear weapon is a device that uses a nuclear reaction to create an explosion (aka “Boom!”).

Nuclear devices range from a small portable device carried by an individual to a weapon carried by a missile.

A nuclear explosion may occur with or without a few minutes warning. [3 minutes or 30 minutes, but who’s counting?]

If [after a nuclear attack on your city or nation ] you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 9-1-1 [If there happens to be a telephone network fucktioning.] and let the operator know if you have, or think you might have, COVID-19 [aka the ChiComs’ Bioweapon and 911 if it survives will not be screening for a cough.]. If you can, put on a mask before help arrives. [Yes be nice to the “arrving help” because it will be with you and your “covid emergency” in three years.]

Continue to practice social distancing by wearing a mask and by keeping a distance of at least six feet between yourself and people who not part of your household [ aka The cooties carriers!].

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Terry February 28, 2022, 5:24 PM

    Oh my! I am scared sh*tless. I have no bunker to escape to in my entire county.

    The goons have been allowed to totally take over the planet. Goons, apes, imbeciles, morons.

    Where are the “normal people”? Has Elon Musk already flown them to Mars?

    • gwbnyc February 28, 2022, 6:06 PM

      seems the nuke threat is settling into the fart in a mitten category.

  • jwm February 28, 2022, 6:19 PM

    Remember way way back, post 9/11, when we were bombarded with images of moslem women who weren’t permitted to show their faces? One of the wonderful talking points against “radical islam” was the forced masking of the women. Now the new totalitarians have latched onto the rag as a talisman. a symbol of compliance, an act of civic virtue. Decent people cover their faces in public.
    And whatdoyaknow? In case of nuclear war, wear a mask. Better yet- as long as the *threat* of nuclear war exists, you should wear a mask.
    I say fuck the ragmouths to hell.


  • gw February 28, 2022, 7:17 PM

    We can sleep well knowing that the government is looking out for us.

  • Mike Anderson February 28, 2022, 8:25 PM

    Gotta love them Maskabuki Dancers: once the needle goes in, it never comes out.

  • andre February 28, 2022, 9:21 PM

    And these people feel themselves competent to give us directives. Social distance? Wear a mask? I am sure that is something you will be thinking about if you aren’t incinerated.

    • Univ of Saigon 68 March 1, 2022, 6:40 AM

      Hey, you can never be too careful.

  • KCK February 28, 2022, 9:36 PM

    The number one rule in survival is to maintain your attitude. You can either kiss your ass goodbye, or decide to survive. It’s up to you; stop listening to the doomsayers.

  • Mike Austin March 1, 2022, 1:48 AM

    Yawn. More scary propaganda from a government that hates my guts. Classify this piece of nonsense in the “let’s everybody hate Russia” category. If the US government really cared about American citizens, every member of it would find the nearest lamppost and hang himself.

  • gwbnyc March 1, 2022, 3:42 AM

    in the words of Roald Dahl, “I want my mummy.”

  • LadyBikki March 1, 2022, 4:14 AM

    Should we climb under our desks and put our arms over our heads ?
    That still works, right ?

  • BroKen March 1, 2022, 5:26 AM

    Better than The Babylon Bee! These folks satire themselves.

    This is a bit off topic, but here goes. Yesterday I was in a small prayer group and we prayed for the Ukraine situation. We prayed that peace would come and added a request that it come, not by politicians or diplomats, but by the Spirit of God. Then I saw videos of captured Russians saying they were lied to, that it was supposed to be just exercises, that they should never have come. There is a video of a Ukrainian driving by Russian tanks out of gas playfully taunting the soldiers stranded with their machines of war! Could it be an answer to prayer? How do you explain the reports of such supply problems with the Russian army? Could it be some Generals have mastered the art of compliant non-compliance? Sure, I will follow your orders but in such a way that your goal will not be achieved. And I can just blame someone else for the failure. “Oh, we tried but we didn’t have enough gas because they forgot to bring it to us!”

    Of course if they start throwing nukes to try and save face, that might not be an answer to my prayer. But it could be an alternative to some people’s request for the “sweet meteor of death”.


    • Chris G. March 1, 2022, 6:09 AM

      The video of the captured Russians could be fake news, that’s the problem. You can’t believe anything.

      • BroKen March 1, 2022, 6:26 AM

        Yeah. It could be. Fake news is a problem, not THE problem. I am holding on to hope.

        • BroKen March 1, 2022, 8:39 AM

          Now my prayer is that some Ukrainian farmers commandeer some of those tanks, cut off the barrels and use them to prepare their fields. That is an image that could help change the world!

          • Brian_E March 6, 2022, 8:46 AM

            Affix a front blade and use it for a bulldozer, or drag an implement behind to furrow or plow…

            I wonder what the scrap value of one of those is?

      • Mike Austin March 1, 2022, 3:51 PM

        Could be?

  • Nori March 1, 2022, 5:53 AM

    Oh,goody. They provided a link to The CDC. We’re saved.

  • wildman March 1, 2022, 6:24 AM

    I used to wonder what idiots in our society did for a living. Now i know. they either work in government or the media.

  • Jack March 1, 2022, 6:56 AM

    Knowing our government I’ll just take that comment as a prediction for what it intends for us and the world. But I never worry because all of the shit going on in the world, and on every level, is out of the hands of any reasonable man or faction.

  • Andrew X March 1, 2022, 7:37 AM

    SO they aren’t coming straight out and saying it, but what they are saying is that they want you to mask and social distance for reasons that have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the unprecedented nuclear catastrophe that just occurred outside your door. (Masks and distancing for radiation. Nah, Brah.)

    So millions are dead, the very future of the human race seems to teeter in the balance….. but we STILL aren’t gonna let go of this COVID crap.

    Because that is what we do, and is all we know how to do.

  • OneGuy March 1, 2022, 7:52 AM

    There is a huge difference between surviving a nuclear blast and surviving a nuclear attack. Experts will tell you that in a nuclear attack between 2000 and 4000 nukes will hit targets in the U.S. Another 2000-4000 nukes will hit targets in the rest of the world. It is extremely unlikely that you will survive a nuclear attack. The expected death toll in the Northern Hemisphere is between 1 and 2 billion people most dying within 3 weeks of the attack. Most of those early deaths will be from kinetic injuries and radiation effects. Most of the deaths in the following months will be from fallout, Mad Max criminal acts and starvation. But it is likely that the deaths will continue for years as a result of nuclear winter and lack of infrastructure. It is also likely that the estimate of 2 billion deaths is an underestimate.

  • jwm March 1, 2022, 8:03 AM

    They can relax the mandates because they no longer need them. Here in So Cal I still see huge numbers of ragmouths. Despite our glorious weather, they’re out alone on the street, on the bike path, on the beach, or in the car, all masked up. This would be sad enough if it were only frightened seniors.
    But it’s the young, the middle aged, and children. I see yuppie parents with their toddles masked. They’ve all been broken to the harness. The typical citizen here is walking alone in the hot sun, ears crammed with blue tooth plugs, eyes locked on the cell phone, and those filthy goddam rags strapped to their faces. Well trained Ragmouth drones. They salivate when the bell rings.
    Now they’re all squawking about Ukraine, repeating what the television tells them to repeat. They post about it on facebarf, put little blue and yellow flags on their masks.


    • Mike Austin March 1, 2022, 9:34 AM

      I see no way out for such Pavlovian slaves. Their way back to reality and reason has been long forgotten. Soon they will not even remember a time without masks, and the maskless will appear to them as hideous, anti-social, deranged and criminal plague spreaders.

      • Brian_E March 6, 2022, 8:52 AM

        Soon? I already get that in the more ‘masked up’ places already.

        It’s interesting to see just how wide a variation there is in who masks, and who doesn’t.

        And as a friend said: At least they self-identify. (meaning – they’re the ones that’ll eventually be turning the rest of is in for ‘bad think’)

  • flannelputz March 1, 2022, 10:59 AM

    I live in Florida, and there are virtually no masks, save for the elderly and infirm.Upon a recent visit to central Ca. I noticed almost everyone was masked, even those walking alone outside. I think they do it just so they won’t be mistaken for a republican.
    Anyway, I was in a retail store, being helped by a nice young woman, and we started discussing the mask issue. I mentioned that I had seen people walking their dog, in a field, by themselves , masked.
    She said “I do that”, When I asked why , as there seemed to possibility of transmission in a field, she replied “Oh I don’t to it for myself, I do it for others”.
    This is classic virtue signaling, correct?

    • ghostsniper March 1, 2022, 11:15 AM

      She’s a fucking liar.
      By herself in a field? What others?
      She may have been nice but she’s disingenuous, and that ain’t nice.

      • Govt Troll March 1, 2022, 12:05 PM

        Calling her a liar?
        Why- did she say that she’s done 70,000 architectural projects?

        • ghostsniper March 2, 2022, 4:55 AM

          Like clockwork the pedo troll shows up again.

    • Brian_E March 6, 2022, 8:56 AM

      I wonder: Exactly who are these ‘others’ she’s doing this for – when by herself. What do they look like? Can she point to them? Can she see them when we can’t? Do these ‘unseen others’ talk to her?

      Inquiring minds want to know if this is virtue signaling, or hallucinations! 😉

  • James ONeil March 1, 2022, 12:11 PM

    I’m all for masking up, if your robbing a bank or skin diving.

    • Mike Austin March 1, 2022, 3:55 PM

      Or viewing porn in a public library.

  • Mike-SMO March 2, 2022, 2:33 AM

    Healthy people are at minimal risk from Mao Tse Lung. Co-morbidities, i.e. untreated medical conditions, are what can kill you. Talk to your doc. Treat’em if you got ’em. I can’t do anything about age. My physician says that my insurance will not cover a “therapeutic” red head. I was thinking of someone young and nubile, say 62 years old or a bit older.

    I have no transplants or implants, I am not receiving therapy for anything like cancer or Rheumatoid Arthritis, B P and fasting sugar are all good, Vitamin-D(3) levels are good, my weight is good, etc. Talk to your physician. “Treat’em if you got’em. Most lung-mung deaths were in individuals with 1 to 4 co-morbidities. No one is immortal, but taking reasonable care can get you several extra years with that significant other.

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