≡ Menu

Hey, let’s go out to eat, 2020 style

[Over the transom to Ann Barnhardt at The Abject Irrationality and Witchcraft Mentality of CovidReligion in RESTAURANTS . Republished here pour encourage Les Autres.]

1. Arrive at restaurant, take mask off mirror (or out of glove compartment) where it hangs or lays every day when not in use.
2. Slip it on, trying not to ruin the hairdo.


3. Proceed into restaurant, opening door with same handle grabbed by 200 people so far today.
4. Hostess who touches her face and mask an average of three times per minute has immediate seating for your woke party of three. Walk past entire restaurant of unmasked people. It’s ok, they’re sitting.
5. Sit down.


6. Safely within your anti-germ force field, remove mask. Browse menu while making relaxed inhales of the same recirculated AC air previously inside the lungs of the 200 people that also grabbed the door handle.
7. Waitress, who touches her face and mask an average of three times per minute drops off drinks bare handed, which she touches her face and mask with three times per minute, on average.
8. Grab drink with your bare hand. Sip leisurely, secure in knowing you’re within your anti-germ force field of “seated-ness”.
9. Too many drinks. Need to pee. Don the magical anti-germ barrier mask as you leave your anti-germ force field of “seated-ness”.
10. Walk past 40 unmasked restaurant patrons. Open bathroom with same doorknob grabbed by 100 other people so far today.
11. Return to table past same 40 unmasked restaurant patrons.
12. Remove mask. Once again safe in your anti-germ force field of “seated-ness”. Waitress takes your sweaty drink glass with her bare hand which she touches her face and mask with an average of three times per minute, refills, hands back to you. You accept with your bare hand. Grab some bread and eat it. Same hand. Yum Yum.
13. Meal complete. Mask on. Walk past 40 unmasked patrons. Make full body contact with at least 4 people waiting at the hostess stand as you squeeze your way back to the door – no matter, they’re all also wearing their magical anti-germ barriers.
14. Grab exit handle, which you are now the 220th person of the day to touch. Eating out successful.
15. Breathe a sigh of relief knowing that even after leaving the protection of your home and venturing out into the scary world of the public, you are essentially sterile thanks to your state-approved methods of magical germ mitigation, THE MASK!

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • hooodathunkit October 12, 2020, 3:35 PM

    … and 85% of symptomatic Covid-cases wore their mask “often or always” before becoming sick.
    CDC report

  • Stargazer October 12, 2020, 3:52 PM

    I have been using the same mask for 3 months (at least). It is usually riding in the slot in my car door or scrunched in my pocket and occasionally it finds its way to the ground. Sneezed a few times in it. There are food stains (I hope those are food stains!) from sitting on the table by my plate. Anyway, people around me feel safe when I (seldom) actually wear it. Me? I don’t care.

  • PA Cat October 12, 2020, 5:55 PM

    I’d like to see Ann Barnhardt’s take on the covidiots who are forcing masks on their pets. There are a number of videos on YouTube showing humans how to make masks for dogs and cats. Here’s a typical example of DIY instructions for a dog mask:

    And here’s a Chinese cat whose human isn’t taking any chances of losing “social credit”:

  • jwm October 12, 2020, 6:25 PM

    Anne Barnhardt is a firebrand.
    And I mean that in a good way. I’ve been following her blog ever since her video of burning the koran. That she offered to ventilate the brain pan of any jihadhist who didn’t like it made it all so much the better.


  • ghostsniper October 13, 2020, 4:43 AM

    I’m probably done with all that eating out nonsense. Just don’t miss it. And I’ll not jump through those ridiculous hoops. Besides, my cookin’ is stellar and everything else tastes like a step or three backwards, and costs waaaay too much. We usually got out and eat on my birthday in late Jan so we’ll see.

  • Annie Rose October 13, 2020, 6:18 AM

    I’m on a road trip through three states to lay my dear mother to rest, and it’s been absolutely surreal. I started out in northern Illinois, where our idiot governor’s trigger finger is just itching to put us into a second lockdown. He has already punished certain counties by forbidding indoor dining and shopping. Guess which counties we were in when we needed to take a pit stop and grab a bite on the road? Yep. As we left Illinois and entered Missouri, I felt like Snake Pliskin in Escape From New York. We stopped for the night in southern MO and went to the infamous Cracker Barrel. What a shock! The dining room was completely full of unmasked people. No 25% only capacity like in my neck of the woods. No one slinking around fearfully clutching their mask like in Andromeda Strain. Normal people and kids just enjoying a night out. It was refreshing. We arrived in my hometown of Tulsa, OK to see masses of people-masked of course- crowding into stores and restaurants. There is no irrational pandemic fear in Oklahoma and life is almost completely normal. Their businesses are not hanging on by a thread or shuttered for good, like in Illinois. Life is good here. My husband and I are agreed, we have to permanently escape Illinois.

  • Roofer Dude October 13, 2020, 8:41 AM

    Stargazer, you made my day. I thought you describing me. I walked into a hospital one day about a month ago and they told me I was wearing it backwards. The blue side goes out …

  • jwm October 13, 2020, 9:01 AM

    I don’t think there has ever been anything in my life that I have resented, and hated, more than the face diaper of submission. Nonetheless, the tyrants in state and county government have forced it on us like the mark of the beast. Curse them to hell. I have one on the front seat of the truck for those rare times that I have to enter a store. I’ve taken to putting on my chin, leaving mouth and nose exposed. I’ve been “Karened” only one time, and without even thinking about it, snapped back, “Mind your own FUCKING business.” Every Nosey Parker needs to get the message that busybodying will have immediate, and unpleasant consequences.


  • Gordon Scott October 13, 2020, 11:01 AM

    My wife took me out for my birthday last week. It was a nice little restaurant. Waiting for our table, we were in the lobby with other guests. My wife pointed out that one couple aged 30 or so were very nervous when I was near them.

    They had put up a tent in the lot, and we had a table, covidly spaced, under the tent. The thing was, they had no lighting out there. So we used our cell phone lights to read the menu. Other guests were just leaving the light on, aimed upward, and we had enough reflected light to eat by.

    A friend described how he had been out in Osage, a very small town in central Minnesota. He walked into a bar, with his mask on, and no one else had a mask, and he felt like the looks were not appreciative of his mask. Later, in the gas station/cafe, no masks were seen.

    I have heard tell that Tim the Tyrant Walz, the Dictator of Minnesota, is a dead man outstate. The Star Tribune polls still show him over 50 percent, but they always skew Democrat. He’s not up this year, but all of the state house, and half of the state senate is. Right now the Dems hold the house, and the Rs have the senate.

  • JP Miller October 13, 2020, 11:55 AM

    Ah…but our Dear Leader Gavin has told us to (touch our mask with our fingers) to take down our magic masks to take a bite, then (touch our mask with our fingers) put our magic masks back up while chewing. And then to repeat this process (touch our mask with our fingers) over and over while we ‘enjoy’ our restaurant experience.
    Meanwhile, my search to find just >>one<< random control trial paper that demonstrates the effectiveness of any type (cloth, paper, even N95) of non-seal fitted mask prevents any respiratory virus spread continues, in vain.
    "But but but…" say the Maskerazzi devotees, "it's Common Sense that the masks will limit something!" Sure…it used to be Common Sense that cigarettes were good for you, too.

  • Kat in Indiana October 14, 2020, 6:11 AM

    So true! Glad she skipped the whole bathroom thing. I’ve been a church custodian for 21 years, and worked as an assistant in a preschool. You REALLY don’t want to know about people’s restroom hygiene habits. Suffice it to say I never touch the door handles…

  • pfsm October 14, 2020, 10:32 AM

    I was vacationing in Oregon for a week, and wore a mask for the first time to go into an antique mall I wanted to shop at. Since then I’ve actually used the drool muzzle a couple of times at home in western WA. It’s one of a kind…I wrote SHEEP on it with a marks-a-lot.