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HELL’S JUKEBOX CHALLENGE: You’ve got the Top 10 albums but only 9 bullets. Who lives?

Yes, that Maya Angelou before she found an easier grift for her “caged bird” to grip

Keeping it gay all June so the United States can take a whole summer month off to celebrate anal sex!

Wayne Newton for those pesky little lower GI malfunctions. Keeps things moving.

All children shown on cover were kidnapped.

Fanning to Humanity: You’re doing it all wrong.

Anna. It’s what’s for dinner.

If you say so. . .

Titles in side-splitting code.

So very many things here hang suspended between wrong and criminal.

Next to the toilet? Really? It wasn’t that bad.

Then again, maybe it was:

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Mike Austin June 7, 2022, 8:25 AM

    Hmm…9 bullets but 10 albums? Easy-peasy. Pistol-whip number 10. As for that Mama’s and Papa’s album: Mama Cass, Denny and John look as if they were about to toss Michelle in the commode—which where that whore belonged. She is the only surviving member of the group.

    • Arty June 7, 2022, 12:44 PM

      I never heard that about Michelle Philips. She was definitely the cute one.

      • John the River June 7, 2022, 1:03 PM

        Her husband wrote the song ‘Go Where You Wanna Go’ about the affair Michelle was having with another member of the group. They divorced soon after and the other band member was fired.
        The Documentary “Echo’s in the Canyon” had an amusing bit on the scandal.

        • Arty June 7, 2022, 3:41 PM

          I’m definitely going to watch that. Thanks

        • Arty June 7, 2022, 5:43 PM

          I’m just watching it. Ya, she almost brags about being sluttish.

      • Mike Austin June 7, 2022, 2:23 PM

        She played Billie Frechette in the 1973 film “Dillinger”. It is worth a look.

        Like many of her era and fame, her “morals” were fluid and served in the main for her own benefit. Her views on drugs and childhood sexuality predated those of the Democrat Party of today, and indeed would be right at home there. She was and is what was termed in her era as a “free spirit”: beholden to none, loyal to herself only, parading her selfishness in public as her own private god. She enjoyed playing loose women, tramps and sluts in movies, which required her not to have to act at all.

      • Mike Austin June 7, 2022, 2:35 PM

        It is difficult to describe the effect she had on a young boy of 14, which is what I was in 1967. I can still remember. Here is Michelle Phillips is all her glory.


        Seeing her has the power now that it had then.

        • Arty June 7, 2022, 3:47 PM

          She had the same effect on me, had a hopeless crush on her. I had no idea she was a trollop, still one of the prettiest faces in rock music though.

  • WoodyD June 7, 2022, 8:28 AM

    Would be sort of interesting if ‘Miss Calypso’ did a duet album with Calypso Louie.

    • Mike Austin June 7, 2022, 8:39 AM

      Make it a trio. Add Lizzo.

      • Steve (retired/recovering lawyer) June 7, 2022, 3:08 PM

        That would qualify as a quartet by the tonnage.

  • ghostsniper June 7, 2022, 9:11 AM

    I’m pretty sure if you stand em up front to back 1 bullet will obliterate all 10.
    That’s leaves 8 bullets destined for tranny heads.


    • Mike Austin June 7, 2022, 9:29 AM

      I was thinking the same thing, using .44 Magnum FMJ. Or, you could pull a Fierro and have some fun:


      Endless possibilities.

      • ghostsniper June 7, 2022, 10:40 AM

        Blurry, but that looked like Mitchum so I looked it up. Hadn’t seen this Bronson flik before so I’m gonna try to run it down. I liked Bronson’s “Harmonica” role in Once Upon A Time In The West.
        Harmonica: Did you bring a horse for me?
        Snaky: Well… looks like we’re…[snickers]
        Snaky: …looks like we’re shy one horse.
        Harmonica: [shaking head] You brought two too many.


        • Mike Austin June 7, 2022, 11:32 AM

          Mitchum was the man. Never made a bad film.

          The real-life Fierro was a true piece of work. In the movie and in life he actually did that stunt you mentioned: lining up a bunch of his enemies and killing them with one shot through their heads. He was a true homicidal maniac. He died in quicksand, the stolen gold he had in his belt weighing him down. No one mourned.

  • lpdbw June 7, 2022, 9:26 AM

    re: the Hattie Noel album
    “Double entendre” is a subcategory of blues/novelty songs, and I love them.
    The first song on the album is “If I can’t sell it” and I didn’t realize she wrote it.
    It was a hit for Ruth Brown later, though I first heard it in a lounge on a riverboat on the St. Louis waterfront.
    Lonnie Johnson and Victoria Spivey, Wynonie Harris, Bessie Smith, and a bunch of others up to and including Van Halen and Aerosmith all had songs in this genre.
    I hate linking to Salon, but they have an article that’s relevant:

  • Soundboard Bootleg June 7, 2022, 9:47 AM

    “We will corrupt the West so bad that it stinks.”

    Willi Münzenberg, Frankfurt School.

    Back from the Sack-N-Save and you could feel the IQ points slidin’ like Biden as only a couple of lanes were open and fat drooling blobs of redundant protoplasm stood around looking stupid while clock milking union workers faced the cereal aisle.

    Stick a fork in Chiquitastan for it is done.

    The Mamas and the Papas for the big loss.

  • John Henry June 7, 2022, 10:23 AM

    How about single entendre songs?


    “nine inch will please a lady”

    “how will I keep my maiden head among so many men?”

    “Tommy makes my tail toddle”

    And many more in this vein. By Paul Clayton on Electra records


    Written by scots poet laureate Robert burns

    • Mike Austin June 7, 2022, 11:36 AM

      How about Betty Boop singing, “No one ever took my boop-boop-be-doop.”

  • james wilson June 7, 2022, 12:29 PM

    Sorry, slackers, I gotta expend all nine bullets on Wayne Newton.

    • ghostsniper June 7, 2022, 12:58 PM

      Danke Schoen!

      • Mike Austin June 7, 2022, 2:38 PM

        Bitte schön.

        James has a point.

  • Arty June 7, 2022, 12:39 PM

    If Monday, Monday is executionable what about We All Live In A Yellow Submarine? That was horrible! But I guess John sort of took a bullet for the rest of the group. Coo coo ca choo.

  • Callmelennie June 7, 2022, 1:10 PM


    If “Willie and The Hand Jive” is a double entendre, then what can you say about “Willie And The KAM Jive”

    I know a pol named Frisco Willie
    He had a side piece and boned yer silly
    She did the shuck and the bob
    And the spread Hindu
    And she gave that Crazy Kam Jive, too

    Mama Mama look at Grandpa Joe
    Hes doing the tub jive with Grand Niece Flo
    Grandma Jill gives her one thin dime
    Says “Keep this hushed up one more time.”

    Kam Jive .. Kam Jive .. Kam Jive
    Doin that crazy Kam Jive

    • Mike Austin June 7, 2022, 2:44 PM

      Lest we forget, the lyrics of “Fiddle About” from “Tommy” were written by that pedophile Pete Townshend.

      “I’m your wicked Uncle Ernie
      I’m glad you won’t see or hear me
      As I fiddle about
      Fiddle about
      Fiddle about…

      Your mother left me here to mind you
      Now I’m doing what I want to
      Fiddling about
      Fiddling about
      Fiddle about…

      Down with the bedclothes
      Up with your nightshirt
      Fiddle about
      Fiddle about
      Fiddle about
      You won’t shout as I fiddle about…”

      Townshend should have been a Catholic priest.

      • Steve (retired/recovering lawyer) June 7, 2022, 3:12 PM

        Or a teacher in any public school system.

  • lpdbw June 7, 2022, 2:09 PM

    I occasionally try to work on a blues song of my own.
    The title (which does not appear in the lyrics as of yet) is Sesquipedalian Johnson.
    It’s nominally a story about trying to please ladies by playing various instruments provided by the Johnson company, purveyors of fine Chinese musical instruments, like 4 inch harmonicas and 18 inch baritone ukuleles. Coincidentally, I play both of those instruments, among others.
    I really need to finish that.

  • TrangBang68 June 7, 2022, 6:07 PM

    You should need only 9 slugs. Somebody should have capped John Phillips years ago for screwing his daughter Mackenzie

    • Jack June 7, 2022, 7:28 PM

      You got that right. He F’d her up royally and should have been capped for it.

      As for the bullets, that’s really not a tough one. I’d go with a double tap on Angelou, one each for the Vibrators, 1 for that clowning Mexican pedophile and 1 for Newton’s bowel and bladder training feature which I’m sure went platinum, like all of his music.

  • JoeDaddy June 8, 2022, 3:12 AM

    Newton…”Donkey Shame”….

    • ghostsniper June 8, 2022, 4:19 AM

      Saw a show one night down in Tijuana….

  • boone June 8, 2022, 7:26 AM

    The mamas and the papas need to be shot just for putting apostrophes in their name on the album cover.

  • KCK June 9, 2022, 5:27 AM

    Shoot the electric outlet and that takes care of all 10 record albums. Leaves 8 for watching the door.

    Orders another beer.