Everywhere you go you see “Frequently Asked Questions” scattered about to help you find out what everybody else apparently knows. Nobody, as far as we know, is helping you with the essential questions of life, the Frequently Answered Questions ™.
These are the questions you ask or answer hundreds of times in your life? But do you answer them correctly? Sadly, millions of people do not.
If you have any Frequently Answered Questions(tm) you’d like help with, send them in and our crack staff of out-of-work philsophers, professional wise-guys, cut-rate gurus, and grief counselors between assignments will be happy to enlighten you.
Am I guilty?
When you put yourself on trial the verdict is always guilty.
Have you driven a Ford lately?
Yes, but only the rental versions.
If you ask this after hearing “Duck!” it’s too late.
Will I ever learn?
Of course you will. Just not now. Better luck next time.
Are you a boy or a girl?
A popular insult during the 60s and 70s, this question have been rendered null and void with the rise of the gender optional generation.
Is it cold enough for you?
Always a heartwarming question since it signals that the depths of winter have been reached and that it is only three months until the same person will ask, “Is it hot enough for you?”
What would Jesus do?
Whatever Jesus might or might not do, you can make book on the fact that few people will be able to get in the game.
Are you a Republicrat or Democan?
What were you thinking?
Most often asked of children or erring spouses, there is no real answer since the question clearly implies you were incapable of thought at the time of the incident. Your only hope is that the results do not require MedEvac.
Are you innocent?
Yes. Everybody in prison is always innocent. Just ask them.
Are you pregnant?
The tone you use and the situation you are in when you ask this question are more important than the answer. Until you get the answer.
How high’s the moon?
384,400 kilometers. More or less.
Are you registered to vote?
Yes, even if you are only registered on an internet opinion site.
Are you sure this is safe?
If the answer is “No problem, I’ve done this thousand’s of times” prepare for disaster.
Do you believe in magic?
Yes, but only if the magic’s in the music and the music’s in me.
What will you take for this?
Figure out the most you’d take for it, double it, and accept half.
What’s on your mind?