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My head knocks against the stars.
My feet are on the hilltops.
My finger-tips are in the valleys and shores of
universal life.
Down in the sounding foam of primal things I
reach my hands and play with pebbles of
destiny.
I have been to hell and back many times.
I know all about heaven, for I have talked with God.
I dabble in the blood and guts of the terrible.
I know the passionate seizure of beauty
And the marvelous rebellion of man at all signs
reading “Keep Off.”
My name is Truth and I am the most elusive captive
in the universe.
Gerard Van der Leun
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The exact change segment needed a 80 year, far sighted woman, searching the bottom of an enormous handbag for those last 3 pennies because she seems to slip in front of me almost every time I’m about to get into line.
And I’m the guy that doesn’t need a cart.
A Spanish variation of the Ghost that I’ve seen many, many times is the granny who partially loads her cart, pushes it up to the checkout line, ponders something for a moment, and then tells everybody in the line that she forgot one item. The thing is she expects those in line behind her to push her cart forward as the line progresses. And when she finally returns she’s carrying not one item but a half a dozen or more. And, of course, she’s indignant if people stepped around her cart.
The other granny trick is to place a few items on the checkout counter and when the cashier is partway through the tally announce that needs one other thing and then spends several minutes searching the aisles for that one other thing, leaving the whole process stalled at the checkout counter.
Those folks have one “when it’s gnat season in the south” that’s pretty cute, too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqXyz_Msfaw
The reunion: Always at Walmart and ALWAYS on aisle clogging scooter-carts.
At the Safeway self checkout section, I observed an older lady, who had no business there in the first place, paying for her purchase with a . . . check. Store personnel were accommodating, but that was ridiculous. Heck, I even write down/remember SKUs of produce I’m buying so as to get thru as expediently as possible. I am amazed, but gratified, when I see people heading to the long lines at store-staffed checkouts when self-checkout stations are open. Self-checkout is great. I even show other customers who have trouble how to accomplish their self-checkout when staff are otherwise busy. BTW, WalMart tip: shop on a Monday morning to avoid congestion. It’s great to be retired.
My wife thrives on shopping, and it’s been a blessing for 63 years. Nowadays, with Amazon et al at hand, my local “shopping” is limited to Lowes/Home Depot and the barber shop; better half does the rest. I’ve never been able to get her interested in building materials, paint, tools etc, nor have I yet been able to con her into cutting my hair.
Saw an old dood, musta been late 80’s, frail, struggling to get up out of his electro-cart at Walmart. I went over there and asked him what he needed and that I’ll get it for him. He sat back down and told me he wanted 3 cans of Beanie Weenies so I grabbed them and put them in the basket. He said, “Thank you young man!”, and I didn’t say, “No problem.”
Remember, some day you’ll be there too, and the closer you get to it the more real it gets.
Walmart tip: Stay out of Walmart the first and last weeks of the month to avoid the SNAPpers
My favorite is when you’re standing there with your arms full and the person ahead of you knows the clerk, and they decide to have an extended chat about everyone they know.
It’s annoying when someone has the cell phone out and you have to listen to them as they go through one of two routines — either they’re having a personal conversation, which we’re not interested in and find to be noise pollution. The other is the one that goes: Was that the large or the extra large I’m supposed to get? No, they don’t have that. Wait a minute, I’ll check. Oh, they’ve got 4 different kinds. Well, one is cheaper, but you know how the off-brands are. Here, I’ll read the label for you.
Geez, whatever happened to shopping lists? And why do you have to have your personal conversations in the ear of everyone around? I’ve even heard that in the library…you’re in the aisle and suddenly a conversation starts, and you walk further to see someone sitting at a table, talking to their friend on the phone. C’mon.
Snacking in the store can keep you alive when you are diabetic
Snaking in the store can also improve your cash flow at the checkout.
But I’m with RebeccaH here.
When I find myself in a line where a conversation breaks out betweed the customer and the clerk at length I always think,”Well, if I knew they were going to have a constitutional convention, I would have gone to self-checkout. (Which I hate with a white hot hate.)”
Mosquito Joe left out the VIP– the entitled self-important jerk who shoves in front of you just as you’ve started to put your stuff on the conveyor belt, braying that he (and in my experience, it’s almost always a he) has an important something-or-other to get to and he just can’t wait in line. And he never says thank you to the folks he’s displaced, or to the cashier. Memo to self: Never shop in any store in Massachusetts where John Kerry (“Do You Know Who I Am?”) might surface.
Vanderleun,
I also despise the self-checkout and I refuse to use them. I’ve even had store employees offer to show me how to use them. Hell no.
I’m with youse guys. I hate those damn self check things. Will NOT do it.
Guilty. I’m the exact change pest, but I never opt to write a check, as I don’t carry them in my purse anymore. I just go up to a larger bill and forget the loose change entirely, after I discover that I don’t have exact. So there!
Self check out agony: “Please remove your items from the baggage area!” And there’s nothing in the baggage area yet!
I’ve been a few of those shoppers, but usually not on the same day.