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Elements of Grammar Walk Into a Bar

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out – we don’t serve your type.”

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar – fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

FROM:  – The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • gwbnyc May 1, 2021, 7:23 AM

    a priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar,
    the bartender asks them what’ll they have, the priest says two fingers of benedictine and a soda back. the bartender asks the the minister the same who replies he’ll have what the priest ordered. he turns to the rabbit and says ya know we don’t get many rabbits in here, the rabbit says I think I’m a typo.

  • Rob De Witt May 1, 2021, 8:09 AM

    I once had a girlfriend, an English major, who habitually used pretentious language salted with malapropisms – “for all intensive purposes” was a favorite. I still get the giggles 45 years later at some of the things she said.

    F’r instance….

    At one point we went down to that Army Surplus store that used to be on lower Market to get some foam for a mattress and some yard goods for curtains, etc. Wende had the clerk hopping trying to find everything she was looking for while I just stayed out of the way and watched her work out. Finally she asked “Do you have any just…mundane scissors?”, and the kid said “Mundian scissors? I dunno, lemme go ask somebody” and scurried off to find a manager while I turned red trying not to crack up and thunderclouds threatened in her pretty face. I thought she was adorable, she thought she was being made fun of. It didn’t last.

    For a string of beauties, try these from The Sopranos:


    The one leaps to mind unbidden, causing public and unexpected laughter, is Paulie Walnuts’s explanation of some military philosophy by ascribing it to “Sun Tazoo, the Chinese Prince Matchabelli.”

  • ghostsniper May 1, 2021, 8:10 AM

    A black mutt walks into an old west saloon, dressed all in black.

    Black hat
    Black shirt
    Black britches
    Black boots
    Black holsters with black 6 shooters
    One hand is bandaged

    The bartenders mouth falls open
    The piano player stops playin’
    The dealer stops dealin’
    The dancin’ gurlz stop dancin’
    All eyes turn to the mutt

    The mutt says, “I’m lookin’ for the man that shot my paw.”

  • PA Cat May 1, 2021, 8:41 AM

    A semicolon walks into a bar; having no connection with anyone there, it turns around and leaves.

    Then there’s the old joke about the insomniac dyslexic agnostic who lies awake at night wondering whether dog exists.

  • Jay Worth Allen May 1, 2021, 8:56 AM

    A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
    “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks.
    The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

  • PA Cat May 1, 2021, 9:05 AM

    One Roman joke deserves another: a Latin deponent verb walks into a bar; the barkeep looks up and sighs, “Res ipsa loquitur.”

  • gwbnyc May 1, 2021, 9:33 AM

    that’d put me t’ roamin’, too.

  • Auntie Analogue May 1, 2021, 9:48 AM

    A guy walks into a bar: “OWWW!”

    Some convicts never learn.

  • PA Cat May 1, 2021, 10:01 AM

    An anticlimax walks into a bar followed by Joe Biden.

  • Waidmann May 1, 2021, 11:50 AM

    A Roman walks into a bar and holds up his hand with two fingers uplifted. The bartender brings him five beers.

  • JOE BIDEN May 1, 2021, 12:47 PM

    A priest, a minister, and … aah … you know those guys with skullcaps and the beards go into …. that place where you drink … and the .. Which guy’s the Catholic? cause thats what I am and yeah, sometimes I like to imbibe, especially when I was younger and I would stand up to guys like Corn Pop, and he was a bad dude. But not around me cause I knew how to take the measure of those Negroes ………. Oh Im in trouble again, help me out here Jill ……. And for Gods sake, wear a mask

  • LP May 1, 2021, 1:44 PM

    All of those were funny but only one made me snort.

  • Tony May 2, 2021, 9:18 AM

    An Ebonics professor walk into a bar and it do be like that, n’ome sayin?

  • Waidmann May 2, 2021, 8:34 PM

    Tony, That’s priceless.

  • nunnya bidnez, jr May 3, 2021, 5:38 AM

    a cow walks into a bar n.

  • Auld Codger May 7, 2021, 8:38 AM

    My 8th grade math teacher told this one circa 1964: A termite walks into a bar and asks “Where’s the bar tender?”