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Don’t Panic. Know where your towel is… and keep it clean.

Long time commenter Casey Klahn reminds us all of the Golden Rule when faced with hardships:

Bear closing in on you? Don’t panic. Panzerfäust rounds flying between your legs? Don’t panic. Battlecruiser just torpedoed into three parts in the South Pacific? Don’t panic. Stuck high up on a cliffside? Don’t panic. Epidemic threat? Don’t Fucking panic.

If you do panic, everything falls apart. Things go from bad to worse, or from super bad to irredeemably worse. The worst to panic is when there is actual reason to panic. That’s when you’re vulnerable.

I stray hard away from any news or talk that caresses the panic mode. I’ll admit, the failed tests by the CDC; that was bullshit. Whatever the morbidity rate is, and only God knows that number because I have heard every number and so I believe no number, it ain’t gonna make me panic.

Hunkered down. OK. Trying to make family decisions. Fine. Others at WalMart rioting? F that. BTW, why in Lucifer’s Hell do the stores put the panic goods in the back of the store? When I was a logistician, I knew enough to push the necessities forward. FFS. People are morons.

I love all people but I particularly hate individuals. Potentially every individual. Especially when they act like shithatz. Be smart. Act right. Do not incite panic.

BTW, I’ll note that some dems want universal paychecks to fight this, which is a GD tax someone’s gotta pay and moves deck chairs around on the Titanic. Trump wants a payroll tax cut, which is a direct to pocket solution to working people. Relief for others; fine and well. The government loses income in Trump’s plan. In the dem solution, capital takes a hit as does production. I fervently hope socialist solutions do not gain ground now. Trump has steered that the right way. Except for Kirkland, WA, we are so far doing well as far as infections and viral spread, I think.

But, WTF do I know? I know not to panic.

Out here.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • jwm March 13, 2020, 1:52 PM

    The American Digest Commentary Team of eccentrics, artists, and cranky old farts under Coach Gerard Van der Leun is on the job.
    WE TRY!


  • James ONeil March 13, 2020, 2:04 PM

    Done the bear & the cliff (actually a cliff in a cave) thingies & didn’t panic. Never did the torpedoed or the Panzerfäust rounds but have had a few miss-aimed hunting rounds come a little too close. Cussed but didn’t panic.

    Came close when I run out of coffee once but toughed it out.

    Not really worried about the beervirus but I’ll wash my hands and maybe down an extra shot of Irish tonight, just, you know, to be on the safe side.

  • GregT March 13, 2020, 2:31 PM

    Great comment- for my contribution to virus readiness I bought more beer today. And, I didn’t panic.

  • ghostsniper March 13, 2020, 2:50 PM

    I saw someone panic once, it was ghastly.

  • PA Cat March 13, 2020, 3:07 PM

    No panic here either. I went shopping yesterday just to top off supplies, not to make binge purchases. However, in the interest of household harmony as well as sanitation, I did pick up an extra bag of pine litter, aka TP for cats. I’d hate to have the resident Feline Americans complain about the state of their litter boxes while casting envious eyes on the roll of white papery stuff that has the Canadian press charging ‘Murica with despoiling Canadian forests. I may have to make do with TP made in Trudeaupia (checked the label last night), but the cats enjoy wet food, kibble, and litter proudly made (or “crafted,” as the kibble manufacturer says) in the U.S.A. It’s also a great stressbuster to watch the kitties happily eating and then sleeping off their dinner without a care in the world. Unlike humans, cats aren’t herd animals, and it shows.

  • Lance de Boyle March 13, 2020, 3:16 PM

    Wife saw me “with” another woman. I did not panic. Woke up refreshed several weeks later in ICU. But note well. Did not panic.

  • Casey Klahn March 13, 2020, 5:42 PM

    Enjoying every comment and every post.

    I was going through my memory bank of things that I’d experienced; the combat stuff I heard from vets first hand and they stuck with me. We all are lucky to be alive daily.

    Still got bourbon. Still got coffee. Don’t use TP, myself. I sewed my ass shut for the duration. I’m going to save it all up until I retire.

    Postpocalypse: good, GVD. Thanks.

  • joe March 13, 2020, 6:37 PM

    Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the sleezebags who make a fortune reading teleprompters for a living have succeeded in causing panic, that’s why everyone is rushing to buy the toilet paper. They did shit themselves. Would love it if someone would walk up to one of the teleprompter readers and ask them one question. Were you born a liar or did your mama teach it to you?

  • H March 13, 2020, 7:05 PM

    I was informed yesterday and again this morning that I’m in the alleged “at risk” group for this election cycle’s boutique bug.

    Well maybe so, but I’m a little too busy to give it much thought. I got work to do.

  • ambiguousfrog March 13, 2020, 9:08 PM

    My company decides it was best that the people that really keep the customer happy and support them or keep the company afloat, should still come into the office and co-mingle with each other. As for management and others that don’t interface with the customer, they can work from home. Makes a hell of a lot of sense if all of support comes down with this thing. Who the hell comes up with these decisions.

  • PA Cat March 14, 2020, 2:29 AM

    This is for Casey: Don’t use TP, myself. I sewed my ass shut for the duration.

    Apropos of the Toilet Paper Wars in Walmart and elsewhere: I have a theory that some of the TP hoarders are actually buying the stuff to build obstacle courses for cats. Here’s video proof: it begins with a shot of the human pushing several cases of TP across the floor to build a wall:


    The cats’ owner is doubtless grateful that she posted the video in January, before Walmart shoppers started packing heat in the TP aisle.

  • Annie Rose March 14, 2020, 2:53 AM

    I have a family member who works as a department head in local government in our town of about 50,000. The big boss was wondering if they should ask residents of our town to stop flushing TP and place it in a trash can instead so the sewer system wouldn’t get plugged up, requiring our public works guys to have to work to clear the plug. Sure, let’s invite pestilence and plague along with hordes of flies to spread it. Other idiot ideas he had: advising residents to alternatives to using TP, such as newspapers, paper towels, cloth—but he forgot corn cobs. City boy obviously. This is the level of ridiculous panic ensuing in my area and the so-called wisdom of our government leaders. We are all so screwed.

  • Nunnya Bidnez, jr March 14, 2020, 3:27 AM

    “… I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose …”
    ― François Rabelais “

  • Nunnya Bidnez, jr March 14, 2020, 3:31 AM

    “Afterwards I wiped my bum, said Gargantua, with a kerchief, with a pillow, with a pantoufle , with a pouch, with a pannier, but that was a wicked and unpleasant torchecul ; then with a hat. Of hats, note that some are shorn, and others shaggy, some velveted, others covered with taffeties, and others with satin. The best of all these is the shaggy hat, for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter.

    “Afterwards I wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet , with a calf’s skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney’s bag, with a montero, with a coif , with a falconer’s lure . But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs , arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose.”

  • Callmelennie March 14, 2020, 6:04 AM

    Hey Coach Gerard, here”s what I got so far. Can you put me in.

    Oooh, the hoarders threaten
    My very wipe today
    If I dont get some Charmin
    Ooh, I’m gonna faint away

  • Vanderleun March 14, 2020, 7:53 AM

    Suit up Lennie.

    And a gold star with literature cluster to Nunnya Bidnez for the Rabelais!

  • azlibertarian March 14, 2020, 12:53 PM

    Yesterday, Mrs.azlib sent me in the early am to see if we could score some TP. Nothing. Not one item on their TP and paper goods aisle. The canned goods aisle was about 2/3 empty. I’m not much of a drinker, but I did wander by the alcohol aisle and grabbed a large bottle of rotgut vodka. I’ll never drink it….I don’t even like the good stuff….but I bought it as an improvised antiseptic and End-of-the-World barter goods. This morning, Mrs.azlib went for eggs and tortillas and none were to be had. She said it was like Black Friday on steroids.

  • edaddy March 14, 2020, 3:23 PM

    FOR SALE: Qty 1 Single roll heavy duty Charmin for qty 1 fifth of triple distilled Vodka, Smirnoff Red or higher quality.

    I panicked early, but just forgot the booze.