≡ Menu

CIA World Factbook – Hell by allseeingeye

Background: According to the written tradition of the Christian religion, “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth”. Political strife within the Kingdom of Heaven led to the expulsion of those opposed to the traditional theocratic rule of King God I, and the exiled “Fallen” went on to establish the autonomous area known as Hell. In a constant state of conflict with their former homeland, Hellites (alternatively Hellions), have turned their political machinations on other geopolitical states, and are listed as a Rogue Nation. Hell has been repeatedly denied UN representation due to untried crimes against humanity, harboring of known war criminals, and human rights violations that are continually dismissed as punishing the wicked for their earthly sins. Hell is also isolated internationally by a steadfast xenophobic government, which has given rise to groups of “Hell deniers” who question the very existence of the area.

Location: Geographic center of the Earth

Geographic coordinates: 0 N, 0 E, beneath the burning gaze of God.

Map references: Oceania, Marianas Trench

total: 666 sq km
land: 666 sq km, excluding lakes of fire and brimstone.
water: 0 sq km

Area – comparative: slightly more than 4 times the size of Washington, DC

Land boundaries: 0 km

Coastline: 0 km

Spiritual boundaries: Very few live souls have escaped Hell (See Theseus)

Maritime claims:
continental shelf: 200-m depth or to the depth of human evil.
exclusive fishing zone: worldwide, with restrictions for size and wickedness. Limited markets exclude soul-taking in non-human species.
extended fishing zone: Wherever the hearts of men may go.
territorial sea: 666 nm (coasts impassable except by small ferry craft, contracted to Charon exclusively)

Climate: hot and arid, occasional complete freezings.

Terrain: varying geologically from the high, grisly piles of tormented souls, geologically active caverns of lava, fire and burning pitch, seas of bile, hate and fields of unending ice, blood, sin, and torment with a cosmological infinite number of variations. Nine notable circular elevation changes have lead to a districting socio-economic government, presided over in accordance with feudal law. Several large cities serve as the hubs of Hell’s “service industries”, with Dis encircling the exact geographic center.

Elevation extremes:
lowest point: The Ninth Circle, the blackest pit of all sin.
highest point: The Vestible, home of the Gates of Hell, first of the Nine circles.

Natural resources: tortured souls, primary exporter of the Seven Deadly Sins (Pride, Covetousness, Wrath, Envy, Gluttony, Sloth and Lechery), unrefined evil

Natural hazards: Demons (January to December), Fire (Now till Eternity), Damnation (Death until Judgment Day), Cerebus

Environment – current issues: inadequate facilities for disposal of solid waste; inadequate facilities for disposal of liquid waste threats; inadequate facilities for disposal of gaseous waste; inadequate facilities for disposal of spiritual waste; illegal fishing, hunting, and existing practices, horrors that cannot be comprehended by the minds of men, overpopulation, and extreme pollution.

Population: 6,394,999,293,384 (July 2000 est.)

Age structure:
0-14 years: 20% (male 51%; female 49%)
15-64 years: 45% (male 60%; female 40%)
65 years and over: 35% (male 42% female 58%) (2000 est.)

Religions: Christians (Catholics, Seventh-Day Adventists, Jehovah’s Witnesses, the Assembly of God, the Liebenzell Mission, and Latter-Day Saints, and most other sects), Jews, Muslims, Pagans, unbelievers, the unbaptized, and the sinful.

Country name:
conventional long form: The Kingdom of Hell
conventional short form: Hell, Heck, the Inferno, the Abyss
local long form: ARRRRRGHGHGHG!
local short form: IEEEE!
former: Hel (Norse), Tartarus (Greek), Sheol (Hebrew), Gehenna, Hades, Neflheim, Jahannam, Feng Du, numerous others

Government type: Feudal autocracy in the form of a Kingdom

Capital: Dis

Administrative divisions: 9 states; Vestible or Limbo, The Carnal, The Gluttonous, the Greedy, The Wrathful, Heretics, The Violent, the Fraudulent, The Treacherous

Executive branch:
chief of state: Prince of Darkness Lucifer, Satan, The Devil (since time immemorial) note – the president is both the chief of state and head of government
head of government: Prince of Darkness Lucifer, Satan, The Devil (since time immemorial) note – the president is both the chief of state and head of government
Cabinet: The Dukes and Princes of Hell
elections: no elections are held
election results: flaying and burning pokers

Political parties and leaders: National Socialist, Zealotry of all flavors, creeds and colors, Communists, fascists… Every damn kind of politics is in there.

International organization participation: NAMBLA, NRA, KKK, BLM,Church of Satan, countless shadowy organisations worldwide.

Flag description: a ring of blasphemous hellfire intersected by a flaming star, commonly referred to as a pentagram or “HOLY FUCK DID YOU SEE THAT?”

Economy – overview: The economy consists primarily of creating devices and materials in support of infernal schemes and machinations. Residents of Hell live in subhuman conditions, with no agriculture to support their needs. The government is the only employer of the workforce, relying heavily on financial assistance from the outside world. The population enjoys little or nothing. Long-run prospects for the tourist sector have been greatly bolstered by the expansion of agnosticism and atheism around the world.

Imports – partners: People’s Republic of North Korea

Debt – external: about $100 septillion (1989)


Comments on this entry are closed.

  • ghostsniper July 8, 2020, 2:31 PM

    Think I’ll pass.
    You know what they say, “If you can’t stand the heat, move out of Florida.”
    Been in the 90’s ’round here and I’m not likin’ it.
    When it’s cold you can always put on more garments, or move around a little to warm up, or even light a free fire.
    But when it’s miserably hot all you can do is go inside and crank that dial on the wall down and watch the dollar signs fly outta both sides at the same time. I think late autumn and early winter are my favorite climes. After the heat is gone, and before the ice starts, and the rain has taken a break. That’s just about nirvana for me.
    So yeah, all that hell business, I’m going to put it on hold for as long as possible, watch and see….

  • jwm July 8, 2020, 3:22 PM

    On the bright side they do have Next Door, Twitter, and Facebook.
    Cant’ get American Digest, or Ace of Spades.


  • Stargazer July 8, 2020, 4:12 PM

    Hell is simply eternal separation from the love of God. You don’t want to go there. Your choice. It is a very crowded but lonely place.

  • Tom Hyland July 8, 2020, 5:03 PM

    George Carlin said… IF there is a Hell… you can bet it’s full of Dads.

  • Wolf Howling July 8, 2020, 7:45 PM

    International organization participation: NAMBLA, NRA, . . .

    NRA??? I’ll refrain from further comment.

  • H July 8, 2020, 7:57 PM

    Well, Wolf, considering what NRA has done to gut the Competitions Division, he may have a point.

  • Rif July 9, 2020, 3:18 PM

    Sorry pal. You are so confused about Christianity, which was evident in every sentence, that I couldn’t get by the first part of the article. Trying to be cute about stuff that you are obviously unfamiliar with is not a good look.