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Aww, poor widdle babies: Burger King provides “special” meals to snowflakes who have to leave their “safe spaces”

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  • Marica May 6, 2019, 10:46 AM

    Maybe if they ate better they wouldn’t feel that way. Beyond pathetic.

  • Lance de Boyle May 6, 2019, 12:21 PM

    Comes with Prozac (“Have it YOUR way—40 mg.”) and complimentary Ronco Self-electro-therapy Kit, Junior. “Attach one lead to an ear (yours) and the other lead to a nostril (again, to be clear, yours).
    Press red button marked, “Fire in your hole.”
    Do not stand in water. Danger of exploding testicles (gentleman) and/or ovaries (ladies).
    Do not carry a poached egg in your pocket. But, then, why WOULD you?
    Do not carry shot shells in your shorts (despite the, desperate, but clever, alliteration). Danger of blowing your Dilly off.
    You may experience loss of self-worth—not that you had much to begin with, you sad sack bastards.

  • ghostsniper May 6, 2019, 2:14 PM

    The most pathetic part of all, if that was real, is that Burger King is promoting that shit.
    Haven’t been in there in years and now I’ll make it point not to.
    FAIL assholes.

    “No one is happy all the time, and that’s OK.”
    WTF does that even mean?

    Lemme hazard a guess here.
    You program kids for 18+ years into a fantasy reality and then when they migrate into the real reality they find it disappointing.

    Here’s my advice to them, “My best learning came from my failures, of which there has been many.”

    I think it was Edison that said, “1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.”

    Do it til it breaks.
    Then fix it and do it again.

  • AesopFan May 6, 2019, 2:25 PM

    Thank goodness there is Chik-fil-a.

  • Eskyman May 6, 2019, 2:55 PM

    In Western Australia, one of the best fast food places is Hungry Jack’s; that’s the Burger King franchise Down Under. When I came back to the USA from a long time overseas, I went to Burger King, expecting it to be the same or better than what I was used to in Oz; it wasn’t.

    My first time at a BK they gave me a burger that looked like it’d been put together by toddlers & then steam-rollered; it was a mess, it dripped, and it was flat. The establishment wasn’t very clean and the staff weren’t very friendly. OK, so one bad experience; they’re not all like that, I was sure.

    2nd time around, much the same; burger was edible but that was about it. By this time I’d come across In ‘N Out and Carl’s Jr, both of which were far, far better; but then- right when I was starving, in an unfamiliar place & desperate for a place to get something to eat- there was another Burger King, appearing like a miracle in the desert! The third time’s the charm, I told myself, and went in.

    I ordered something new on the menu, a steakburger, pointing at the sign behind the counter showing this wonderful looking sandwich so it couldn’t have been clearer what I wanted. It took a long time, which I couldn’t understand since I was the only customer.

    Finally my order came! I got the tray, went to my table & unwrapped the steakburger- but it was some kind of fish. What? Fish hadn’t entered my mind, this is a mistake; but who could have ordered a fish sandwich? I was the only customer. So I took it back to the counter, and reminded the woman I’d ordered a steakburger. She said, “You got what you ordered, that’s it!” I pointed to the sign: “That’s what I ordered, and this isn’t a steakburger, which is what I ordered, just like that sign.”

    She refused to give me what I’d ordered, and wouldn’t refund my money. There was an exchange of language, harsh words were spoken, but no steakburger was forthcoming. So I left, and some 15 miles further down the track I found a Carl’s Jr. where I had a marvellous Big Carl, with jalapenos for no extra charge, and courteous service too! I wrote to BK, explaining what had happened, but never got a reply. Somehow I don’t think they want me as a customer.

    I’ve never been back to Burger King, so an ad showing unhappy people seems right to me; if you’re not unhappy before you go there, you’re sure to be before you leave!

  • Casey Klahn May 6, 2019, 3:53 PM

    Oh shit. refer to the post above, titled: Moments.

    Feel your way? Good. Now, grab a keyboard, an ink pen, a pencil, a shovel, a stethoscope. Anything! And get to work – we have an America to make great. Again!

  • jwm May 6, 2019, 4:18 PM

    I have, in recent weeks made a grand tour of fast food establishments, both local and out of town.
    Burger King is the worst. I wanted a burger with pickle, onion, and lettuce only. Clerk couldn’t figure out the order. See above comment for notes on quality. Taco bell has both surly and stupid going for the hired help, although the taco is pretty much the same school-cafeteria grade crap as always. They have good coffee. Jack-in-the-Box has help that smiles even though they don’t speak English well. The food tastes like chemicals with grease. Bottom of the barrel was the White Castle on Fremont Street in Vegas. I remember WC from the twelve-cent hamburger days. These tasted like they were frozen leftovers from 1961. Had sort of an un-dead quality to them. In-N’ Out is a fine burger if you want to wait half an hour in line for a burger. The best around? Knock me over with a feather, but it’s McDonalds. The Mc burger is unchanged. Same as it ever was. Predictable as the sunrise. Still, the same good fries. But the staff was tight, efficient, friendly, and clean cut. The store was clean as Disneyland. I had a decent lunch, and got out fast and cheap. Life is good sometimes.


  • Rob De Witt May 6, 2019, 5:18 PM

    Sounds like the perfect place for a feelathon after your self-marriage ceremony….


  • Auntie Analogue May 6, 2019, 5:58 PM

    About five or so years ago I discovered that in France, and perhaps also in other countries, Burger King changed its fare to all-halal. Since then that chain has gotten none of my money.

  • ghostsniper May 6, 2019, 6:13 PM

    I looked halal up, here’s what wiki says regarding food:

    Several food companies offer halal processed foods and products, including halal foie gras, spring rolls, chicken nuggets, ravioli, lasagna, pizza, and baby food. Halal ready meals are a growing consumer market for Muslims in Britain and America and are offered by an increasing number of retailers. Vegetarian cuisine is halal if it does not contain alcohol.

    The most common example of haram (non-halal) food is pork (pig meat products). While pork is the only meat that categorically may not be consumed by Muslims (the Quran forbids it, Sura 2:173 and 16:115) other foods not in a state of purity are also considered haram. The criteria for non-pork items include their source, the cause of the animal’s death, and how it was processed. It also depends on the Muslim’s madhab.

    Muslims must also ensure that all foods (particularly processed foods), as well as non-food items like cosmetics and pharmaceuticals, are halal. Frequently, these products contain animal by-products or other ingredients that are not permissible for Muslims to eat or use on their bodies. Foods which are not considered halal for Muslims to consume include blood and intoxicants such as alcoholic beverages. A Muslim who would otherwise starve to death is allowed to eat non-halal food if there is no halal food available.

    Sounds like more silliness like seen every where else these days.
    One of these days there will be a big implosion.

  • Anonymous May 6, 2019, 10:09 PM

    BK is pretty toxic as is, food quality wise.
    Eat your feelz…a recipe for more suicide by processed mystery meat.

  • MMinLamesa May 7, 2019, 2:56 AM

    Lordie, WhoTF eats that shit? I disdain pretty much all eating out(except a very occasional top flight sushi place) but especially fast food. What garbage.

    There’s great satisfaction to be had from preparing your own food. And if you’ve grown it or caught it or hunted it, it’s even more so. Having a stranger handle my food & food preparation is alien.

    And yes ghost, it certainly appears as though that ad was genuine-pathetic doesn’t begin to describe it. The 14 year old girl pushing a baby carriage and getting props is the worst.

  • Terry Kirkpatrick May 7, 2019, 7:00 AM

    I give up. Is this real or satire?

  • Its a Cali thing May 7, 2019, 7:31 AM

    There ya go. Hand out trophies to the losers.

  • H May 7, 2019, 4:35 PM

    If ever in Kansas, find you a Spangle’s.

    Although of late I’ve become somewhat fond of Freddie’s, which enjoy somewhat wider distribution.

  • ghostsniper May 8, 2019, 7:23 AM


    We did Freddie’s a couple years ago when they opened a new joint in Columbus that was previously occupied by Kentucky Fried Chicken. I don’t play that modern day lazy assed abbreviation bullshit.

    Freddies practices a methodry known as “lace burgers” that was originally created by Steak N Shake many years ago and all the boneheads just love it.

    Start with about a 2″ diameter ball of very low quality ground beef. Slam it onto the 600 degree greased flat iron and immediately press it as flat as possible with a large heavy steel non perforated spatula. The patty is only 1/8″ thick at this point and fries almost immediately allowing the fryer person to turn over huge volumes of burgers quickly. No more than 2 minutes per side and as the grease is melted away many “openings” appear in the patty giving it the appearance of lace. Thus, lace burgers.

    Most people than load up as many condiments as possible trying to get their money’s worth and this masks the fact that the low quality meat (butcher shop floor sweepings) has absolutely no flavor of it’s own.

    Doubt me? Next time you go in one of these places, and just about all of them are doing this now because “shrinkage”, and order just a patty with no bun or any other adornment and eat it by itself. I did just that. I found the burger itself was very stiff, sort of brittle along the edges, and other than a bit of traditional grease flavor, there was no beef flavor to be found. It could have been ground up wood and cardboard for all I could tell.

    So when you go in one of these joints and buy any version of the burgers they offer you are mostly getting a sandwich comprised of the add on’s on a low quality bun that is closer to a vegetable sandwich than anything else. And you paid $6 for it. For about 50 cents worth of condiments and a 1/2 oz of beef grease. Yum, nom nom nom, let’s go, I’m buyin’!!!