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Remedial Thanksgiving: Just Put the F*cking Turkey in the Oven

1.Start drinking early.

2. Make sure your oven is on.

3. “Just Put the F*cking Turkey in the Oven”

4. Go for a walk.

And now, to make this item even more useful: The Butcher Carves a Turkey.

Ray Venezia, the manager of the meat department at New York’s Fairway Market, shows his technique for effectively carving a turkey.

And now, to make this item even more bizarre: Carving a Turkey with a .460 Magnum Elephant rifle.

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  • pbird November 23, 2017, 7:29 AM

    Its true. Turkey is not great. The gravy can be pretty good.

  • Mike Anderson November 23, 2017, 1:32 PM

    Smoked 12-pounder this year after marinating it overnight in some cheap white wine. Sliced it up just the way that New York butcher showed me. Ate it with giblet gravy and that recommended glass of wine. It was all great; you just need to learn how to cook that fractious bird. Not into cooking? Get some enterprising Cajun to deep fry a turkey for you and you’ll never complain again.

  • Eskyman November 23, 2017, 1:43 PM

    Tante Marie had some good advice there, but remembering back to the first time I ever cooked a turkey, a few hundred years ago (or so it seems)-

    She should have mentioned defrosting it first!

    (Yah, my first turkey was a disaster, but there was enough drinking going on that nobody minded much!) Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

  • Gordon November 23, 2017, 10:23 PM

    Ah, well, there were issues. The 21-lb beast wasn’t quite thawed. That’s not really a problem, but she insists on stuffing, not dressing, so there was no heat getting into the cavity. And, apparently the thing thawed asymetrically, so one drumstick was done! while the other needed patience. It was time to take action. Unstuff, remove cooked portions to expose uncooked, and cut the thing in half, roughly on the spine, so that it sat lower in the pan, allowing side dishes above it. It worked. We ate and it was good. She introduced a new cranberry sauce of her own invention and that was really good. The vegan chocolate cake purchased at some cost from the natural food store was really quite tasty, and the non-neurotics agreed.

    The reason for 21 pounds? It is because three households want leftovers. So, next year, I will roast a 12 pounder on Monday evening, and the meat, stuffing and gravy will be divided and bagged for takeaway. Then on the day, another 12-pounder, easily managed, becomes the meal.