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Bizarro World: I don’t make the news. I just report it.

Winter Olympics 2018 flame lighting ceremony mocked as ‘exceptionally phallic’ as cauldron is lit by ‘giant robot fire penis’   A rod-shaped steel erection burst from underground, and flames shot up the 30 rings to the lip of the cauldron

100 people die in Germany each year due to risky sex practices –     According to Frankfurter Rundschau, a man in Hamburg who is believed to have suffered from an autoerotic death covered himself with sliced cheese, pulled pantyhose over his upper body, put on a raincoat and a diving suit and then sat down with a plastic bag over his head in front of a heater that was switched on.

Blind bisexual goose stuck in love triangle with two swans dies aged 40 |

How to Find the Tesla Roadster in the Sky – Atlas Obscura

“Go in and think like a liberal” was the advice two FBI agents gave Jonathan Gilliam prior to his taking an FBI entrance exam. Gilliam shared his anecdote during a Wednesday interview on SiriusXM’s Breitbart News Tonight with co-hosts Rebecca Mansour and Joel Pollak. Former FBI Agent: Bureau’s Top Brass Climb Ladder by Ideology, Not Merit

Hillary suffers massive coughing fit    “I pledge to continue to speak out. I pledge to never give up ,” Clinton said as her voice trailed off and she began hacking into her hand. “I will do everything I can,” she tried again, taking a swig of water. “To keep my voice, number one  — to advance the rights and opportunities of women,”€ she said in a horse rasp as the audience laughed. “€œIn the midst of this snowstorm — stay on the frontlines of democracy.” [???] The former first lady continued to sip water and even popped a lozenge in a failed attempt to quell the coughing fit. She hacked away on a massive screen before the live audience at the Los Angeles event, conference organizers heaped praise on Clinton as “€œthe definition of what it means to be a maker”€ 

 

Alert the Authorities!

{ 10 comments… add one }
  • Eskyman February 9, 2018, 12:35 PM

    Re: Tesla in the sky-

    Fascinating to find that not only is there a nod to Douglas Adams’ “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe” with its dash panel, “Don’t Panic,” but also there’s a miniature Hot Wheels Tesla with a miniature Star Man in spacesuit on the dashboard too. (Now could there be an even tinier Tesla on that Hot Wheels miniature…?)

    In addition, the Space Tesla carries a digital copy of Asimov’s Foundation novels; but that really should have included Robert A. Heinlein’s story, “The Man Who Sold the Moon,” featuring D.D. Harriman, who has some resemblances to Elon Musk. There’s also the fact that like God and Heinlein have decreed, Musk’s rockets land on their tails!

  • Casey Klahn February 9, 2018, 1:07 PM

    Olympics torch: too funny. Now, I gotta watch this Olympics, although I don’t pay TV for the privilege. I’ll have to scrape around like the dog waiting for bits from the table. I know…there’s a joke in there, too.

    FBI: think like a liberal! The FBI is, hook, line, and sinker, your enemy, American. Law abiding? Doesn’t matter. You’re an American, and that is what they loathe. How’s that free vote working out for ya, Joe American? Not so fast! Our friendly group of special agents have other ideas for your vote. Pulling the lever for an outsider, again? You’ll still have one hand left, after we crush it, to vote for our state approved guy with. Military veteran? Racist tendencies? Taking medications for your mood? Receiving welfare? We’ll just take your vote from you, and your firearms, too. You won’t be needing any of that, when we have your back.

  • foodog February 9, 2018, 6:16 PM

    You want Happy Ending? Special hot rub!

  • Chex February 9, 2018, 7:11 PM

    Yes yes, more promises from Hillary. Like her powermate, Bill- I still remember tales from a book I read years ago entitled “The secret life of Bill Clinton”: how the Arkansas State Police would drive hookers over to motels to romp with the Gov, while they guarded the door. Bill used to promise the ladies they need not worry, he was sterile from childhood and couldn’t get them pregnant (Chelsea is Web Hubbell’s child…). Remember the big deal about his sealed medical records? That wasn’t just because he burned out his nasal septum snorting coke (hence that weird, strained voice…)

    Flying on the Lolita express, shaking down the world, making those late-night bloody cleanup calls…

    Ahh yes, good times.

  • Casey Klahn February 9, 2018, 9:34 PM

    Sarah Huckabee Sanders: gold medal.

  • Rob De Witt February 9, 2018, 11:37 PM

    Sarah Huckabee Sanders: gold medal.

    Times twice.

  • Chuck February 10, 2018, 4:44 AM

    From the first day she stepped up to the podium I knew she was going to take no prisoners.

  • John Venlet February 10, 2018, 4:49 AM

    While Huckabee Sanders does a fine job up at that podium, the problem she is encountering is she is speaking to a roomful of people with the mental capacities of preschoolers with the inability to grasp the significance of the truth she is speaking. Those reporters really do not hear, let alone understand, what Huckabee Sanders is saying. It goes right over the reporters’ heads.

  • ghostsniper February 10, 2018, 2:13 PM

    “Those reporters really do not hear, let alone understand, what Huckabee Sanders is saying.”
    =====================
    They hear, and they understand, but they are being paid to do something else.

    Envy & Jealousy
    It consumes them.

    Not just Trump, are they envious and jealous of, but of everyone that isn’t onboard their communist agenda. They have been raised and educated to believe THEY are the annointed ones and under THEIR guidance communism will finally work.

    If you are not aboard their communist ship then you are just deplorable and there is no hope for you, so deluded is their brainwashing. To the american communists it is incomprehensible that anyone would not recognize the communists intelligence and foresight because to them it is so obvious that they are right.

    To them, the american communists, their idea is so plain that there must have some deception that occurred to get Trump in the whitehouse. It is simply NOT possible for him to have won properly. He cheated, some how. And all of the people that support Trump are criminals too.

    But they can’t prove any of this and that makes them seeth, it blinds their logic, it makes them insane. They had their felonious hand on the brass ring and it was yanked away from them at the last second. They will never get over this.

    They are like the idiotic neighbor that never makes sense and lives only to torment you in thousands of ways. As long as you live next door to him he will torture you. You have to move or kill him. You can’t move an entire country and there are too many of him to kill.

    What are you to do when half the country hates the other half who just wants to be left alone?
    Ride it out and see if they finally back off?
    Start killing them silently one at a time until they are all gone?
    (remember, the schools are making new ones all the time so they will never disappear completely as long as the schools exist)

    My idea is the only idea that works.
    1. Stop stealing money from the citizens.
    2. Stop borrowing money.

    Money in the hands of politicians is at the root of all the ill will in this country.

  • John Venlet February 11, 2018, 5:14 AM

    Ghostsniper, actually I think our analyses of the reporters are complementary. I wholeheartedly agree with your closing statement.

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