Subtlety is their weapon.
At first, you never see ’em, they prefer to be hidden in obscure places, watching. Observing. Recon.
Then once they have memorized your routines they start moving in. Very slowly. Hit and miss. They are still learning you but have moved everything up a notch.
Now a big step forward, the cat will jump up next to you and stand there. Waiting for you to recognize it. Will you shoo it away? Or will you welcome it with some baby talk, and maybe a soft touch? If the latter its job will be easy. If the former it has some more steps to take.
Once the cat has you trained to allow it inside your personal sphere it’s next step is to reduce the diameter of that sphere and inject itself fully inside it. This will start when it puts its hand on your leg. If you brush it away it has more work to do. If you don’t brush it away, shortly the other hand will follow. Then a foot. And another. Yes, a full-sized cat can balance on your one leg. But it won’t stay that way for long cause it’s wobbly. Cats require stability.
So while wobbling on your leg it turns the motor on and the purring sound starts working on your subconscience. As you go about your work on that keyboard you are only slightly aware of the additional weight on your leg. And that won’t do. No sirree. Cat’s don’t like to be ignored against their will.
It will raise, from it’s sitting position on your leg, up into the void between your belly and the edge of the desk. It will look at what has captured your attention. Becoming instantly bored with the nonsense on the monitor and not understanding how it can capture you so, it moves to save you from yourself.
The cat stands all the way up, between you and the desk, and with its hands on the desk and it’s motor running full speed, it will lean down and mock sniff your keyboard, intercepting your typing hands in the process, then stand tall again and turn and look at your face. Looking for a signal through squinty eyes.
No signal is a good signal and the cat starts rubbing the sides of its face on your shirt. You must smell like the cat no matter what. Always. And show physical evidence as proof. You keep typing around the cat the best you can even though you are misspelling and backspacing and correcting you continue on with your task. And that’s unacceptable to the cat.
The cat realizes that that keyboard is preventing its takeover and this means war, of the psychological kind. Suddenly your keyboard gets crowded, what with 2 more hands on it. Small furry hands. That don’t know how to type, but try none the less. More backspacing and correcting happens.
The cats shifts into high gear and it’s entire everything is now up and on the desk. Yes, that small strip of real estate in front of your keyboard had a “For Rent” sign on it that was only visible to cats, and now a “No Occupancy” sign has replaced it. That. Motor. Running. brrrddd…brrrddd….brrrr…ddd
So you resolve to just use the mouse to move around on websites until such time that the cat leaves. Silly fool. The cat is only just starting your take over. It sees that that, well, that “mouse” (blech) has captured some of your attention and well, guess what? What do cats do with mouses? Right. They subdue them.
You now have 2 hands on your mouse. Yours and a small furry one. And the furry one is insistent. It doesn’t like being a backseat driver. Then a 2nd furry hand is on that mouse, you are outnumbered. Now the padding starts. The cat thought the musculature of the back of your hand was tense so a massage was in order. Cats are excellent massagers, just ask em. This is a case of the massager getting more out of the massage than the massagee. If the cat has claws there may be blood. Get over yourself. If you don’t have hundreds of long linear healed cat scars on your arms, hands, and legs you must be a noob. In time my pretty, in time.
All of this activity, the planning, the slow advancement and takeover, and realizing your submission, has worn the poor little keekee out and nobody does nappy time like el Gato. Cats don’t put much effort in preparing a sleeping place, anywhere will do. And since it is right where it is, that is where the nappy happens. You look at the monitor and see that the right-click menu is open and the letter m goes across the screen line after line after line. Oh dear.
So you get up from your chair and put the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher then go start a load of laundry and make the bed and a whole bunch of other things that you’ve been neglecting and not once do you realize you have been owned and fully submitted to the very socialist nature of the invader of your heart. Now go dump, rinse, and refill its water bowl.