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October 27, 2015

Something he said will “haunt his dreams forever.”

aasausagelover.jpg

The male security guard says he knocked on the bathroom door several times but the woman did not respond.
He then announced he was entering. What he found behind the door of the unlocked stall is something he said will “haunt his dreams forever.” The security guard reports when he entered the stall, Johnson was inappropriately pleasing herself with a Jimmy Dean package of sausage. He said that when he entered “She didn’t even stop. She just stared at me and kept going.” Shocked, and also frightened for his safety due to the fact that Johnson is a “big girl,” the 140 pound security guard said he ran out until police arrived. When they did, female officers entered the restroom with Johnson still “putting in work with the sausage.” All in all, it took 7 police officers to restrain Johnson and pry the victimized sausage out of the woman’s hands. - - Woman Arrested For Masturbating With Jimmy Dean Sausage In Walmart Bathroom

Posted by gerardvanderleun at October 27, 2015 7:37 PM. This is an entry on the sideblog of American Digest: Check it out.

Your Say

Gee, thanks, Gerard. Now I have to find my bottle of mind-bleach.

Hale Adams
Pikesville, People's still-mostly-Democratic Republic of Maryland

Posted by: Hale Adams [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 27, 2015 8:31 PM

Well, I guess you could consider that smoked sausage now.

Monkey Men and Watermelon Women sure do some crazy shit, don't they? We'd probably be better off leaving them to each other in some domestic situations.

After all, they deserve each other, haw haw.

Posted by: chasmatic [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 27, 2015 9:49 PM

No wonder it took so long to get off. Jimmy Dean sausage tubes are too flexible. Shoulda used a nice summer sausage or a dry salami.


Posted by: Lance de Boyle [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 27, 2015 11:01 PM

All in all, it took 7 police officers to restrain Johnson and pry the victimized sausage out of the woman’s....hands.

Oh, thank God it was her hands.

Posted by: Mumblix Grumph [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 27, 2015 11:27 PM

After she nutted and the golden glow swept over her she sighed: "At the bottom of this mine lies a big, BIG man. Big bad John." And then the stall door flew open.....

Posted by: ghostsniper [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 28, 2015 9:46 AM

So some poor bastard is going to get stuck with jury duty for this case. Imagine the witness testifying... On second thought, there is probably a small army of folks who would gladly volunteer for the experience.

JWM

Posted by: John M [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 28, 2015 9:56 AM

I know its not her fault but that's a scary hideous woman

Posted by: Christopher Taylor [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 28, 2015 3:52 PM

Turns out the whole thing was fake - that site is like the Onion.

Sad state of affairs that the times are such that that article COULD have been real.

That scary hideous woman is apparently an online mug shot.

Posted by: ghostsniper [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 28, 2015 6:38 PM

Well, that is sort of a relief ghostsniper.

Posted by: pbird [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 29, 2015 9:54 AM

Hehe. He said 'relief' ...

Posted by: Grizzly [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 29, 2015 4:07 PM

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