The Top 40

Wednesday morning -- one of my high school classmates. Dude was a fitness fanatic, triathlon runner, and vegan.

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.
Panicked, he quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" cried Gallagher. "They say I died!"
“ Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney, " But I want to know from where are ye callin'?"

When I look at the obits I see various flowery expressions for death -- went home, joined the heavenly hosts, called to glory, slept away peacefully -- you get the idea (haven't seen "Pinin' for the fjords" yet, though).

I told my wife to just state I died. And include what killed me.

My uncle Louie Lozko, we all called him "Letsgo Lozko", he raised bantam chickens. he remarked that as time went along he saw more of his friends' names in the obits and that the one he was waiting for was when his name appeared.

5 years ago we buried my father in law and it was the first time I had been in a graveyard in at least 30-40 years. It was appalling what it had become. I saw every manner of cheapness you could imagine and even more. The entire funeral was a giant party and I wanted none of it. I walked the cemetery and was spellbound at was was there. Headstones are now every color of the rainbow and not just stone. One even had a solar powered video display rolling in perpetuity upon an airbrushed stone and steel arrangement. I will never set foot in a modern cemetery again. I drew up my own will 7 years ago and it is a very simple document that ends with my wife making the decision of who cremates my ass and what to do with the ashes. I told her my preference is for her to plant a christmas tree and put my ashes in the hole first.
I just hope I go first.

It. Is good to reflect on The Four Last Things: Death. Judgment. Heaven. Hell. Sadly, the state of Christianity has rendered Hell non existent, and Heaven is almost Islamic...but without the sex.

I have no intention of going to my own funeral.

I told the other half, a fast toasting, put the ashes in a shoebox, drive up Rte 7 in Vermont and roll down the window. Commence shaking the box whilst doing 50 MPH (don't get a ticket).
Fuck the EPA.

Afterward all can get together and eat no crust watercress sammichs and drink beer.

"I've done a dance or two with Death over the years. I've found that he's not very graceful and he always wants to lead." — Gerard Vanderleun

I have stood on the edge, Life and Death; I have smelled Satan's sulphur breath. Death does not frighten me, it is only one stall in the marketplace.

Mother Eff: I still keep the faith. Death and Judgement are expected. Heaven is mine for the asking. I live as a winner.

But Jesus told him, "Let the (spiritually) dead bury their own dead! Your duty is to go and preach about the Kingdom of God." Luke 9:60