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May 16, 2014

Mile High Buh-Bye

aescortplane.jpg

When passengers noticed they had been in the bathroom for a suspiciously long time,
crew members alerted the captain, and authorities dispatched a pair of fighter jets to accompany the flight into Detroit. On ordinary days, when calling in a military escort would be over the top, what are flight attendants supposed to do when they happen upon an attempt to join the mile-high club?
How flight attendants deal with fornicating passengers.

Posted by gerardvanderleun at May 16, 2014 9:56 AM. This is an entry on the sideblog of American Digest: Check it out.

Your Say

Back in the day - the 70s and 80s - the Flight Attendants would hand it off to the cockpit. It was my job once to deal with the situation. The blue room had been occupied for a full 30 minutes and others were wanting to use it.

Knock, knock, "is everything alright in there?"

No answer.

Use special tool to unlock the door.
Open the door. Woman on the lav counter with man's head between her legs.

"Sorry folks, other people are waiting to use this blue room. You'll have to leave as soon as you get yourselves together."

Dirty looks from both parties.

Door closed for a minute or two. Occupants come out looking pissed, but say nothing.

"Thank you for your cooperation."

What I should have said, "I'm sorry, I guess the meal wasn't good enough for you?" (That was in the days when we always served meals on long hauls.)

Ah, those were the days.

Posted by: Jimmy J. at May 16, 2014 1:06 PM

While passengers are molested before every flight, the employees that work work on and around the airliner between flights (ramp rats, fuelers, caterers, cargo handlers) are subject to a name check before they are hired and then given free access to any and all part of the aircraft until they quit. They are seldom supervised. Passengers are prohibited from bringing more than 3oz of liquids aboard. Ground crews could EASILY hide things as big as microwave ovens in numerous places around the aircraft. They could hide things as small has hand grenades in even more places.

Posted by: Scott M at May 16, 2014 2:13 PM

Back, back in the day - the '50s and '60s - when a stew reported an overstay, we would have the engineer turn off the lav light, which was located on the pressurization panel (Constellations). Instant results.

Posted by: BillH at May 16, 2014 2:25 PM

So, what's the problem? A couple having consensual sex in a private setting is nobody's business.

Most of the trouble in the world has been caused by folks who can't mind their own business, because they have no business of their own to mind, any more than a smallpox virus has. Now your virus is an obligate cellular parasite and my contention is that evil is quite literally a virus parasite occupying a certain brain area which we may term the RIGHT center. The mark of a basic shit is that he has to be right. And right here we must make a distinction between the hard-core virus-occupied shit and a plain, ordinary, mean no-good son of a bitch. Some of these sons of bitches don't cause any trouble at all, just want to be left alone and are only dangerous when molested, like the Brown Recluse. Burroughs

Anybody that can't mind their own business should get a good old-fashioned punch in the face.

Posted by: chasmatic at May 16, 2014 10:14 PM

chas - The lavs are public settings. The public, in this case passengers get real jittery when they can't tinkle. And, aircrews don't like jittery passengers. The calm ones are bad enough. (I always angled for freight trips, but got my share of passengers anyway.)

Posted by: BillH at May 17, 2014 7:33 AM

Bill: OK, I see what you mean, hadn't looked at it very closely; just trying for a clever comment.

But, still, don't most passenger airplanes have more than one lav?

Posted by: chasmatic at May 17, 2014 10:05 PM

Yeah, Chas, they do have more than one. But "more than one" often means "two", and if one is being used for Mile High Club activities, that can still mean long waits for the open lav. Bottom line: get a room (on the ground).

Posted by: waltj at May 17, 2014 11:48 PM

Awright, I capitulate. Personally I think it is a tacky and inconsiderate thing to do; I was just buggin' you guys.

Posted by: chasmatic at May 18, 2014 12:43 PM

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