The Top 40

Verison to Barry: Well, Mr. President, what we have to do is implement our cutting edge customer service to fix the problem. We both know it’s not the government’s fault that people can’t get signed up to Obamacare. Let’s face it, people are stupid, they don’t know how to do even the simplest of things. We’ve come up with a sure fire way to help the ignorant masses, we call it - fatigue by aggravation.

Ya’ see, when a person calls us with a problem, again it’s them not us, we first test their patience with a long and confusing, computerized voice activated menu that has extremely vague menu items to start them on their aggravation journey.

Then we let them sit on hold for a good ten minutes.

Next, one our wonderful account reps makes the caller go through all of the tedious information they already previously input in the long and confusing, computerized voice activated menu.

Then we put them back on hold for another 5 - 7 minutes.

When the account reps comes back they tell the caller they need to be switched to another department. So again, we put them back on hold for another 5 - 7 minutes.

Here’s where the real fun begins, Mr. President. We repeat the whole process multiple times until the caller gets so frustrated they hang up and hope the situation resolves itself. Of course we don’t actually do anything to resolve the matter and continue to rake in gobs of money. All the while, this is where you‘ll come in, we make commercials that lie to everyone about our excellent customer service. Everyone’s happy. Well, not the customer, but where else are the gonn’a go, our competitors do the same thing! And you don’t have any competition, Sir!

We think this should be an easy fix for Obamacare.