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Prayers for Remus

Woodpile Report As you know, my beloved and precious wife passed away Friday, peacefully, in her sleep, after a long and trying illness. I humbly and gratefully thank my friends and readers for their condolences and prayers. Yer ol’ Woodpile Report will return.

Readers here have noted this for several days but I wanted to wait until Remus himself posted.

I recall being in mourning for the death of my first marriage for several years; indeed those early years of the 1990s are a blur to me now. And I was only mourning the death of a marriage and the death of a family unit that slowly at first and then very rapidly receded out of my life. My second marriage was much briefer and the end of it was, alas, foreordained from the beginning. All that said I cannot begin to know the grief of this sort of passing in a man’s life.  In a sense, I do not have to know it now but I am not pleased nor am I resigned.

You were the love
For certain of my life
You were simply my beloved wife
I don’t know for certain
How I’ll live my life
Now alone without my beloved wife
My beloved wife

{ 10 comments… add one }
  • Puyalluppete March 18, 2020, 4:19 PM

    God bless and thanks for the info. Savor and cherish the memories.

  • Auntie Analogue March 18, 2020, 4:30 PM

    Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, dona eis requiem sempiternam.

  • Callmelennie March 18, 2020, 4:43 PM

    That’s the most beautiful pictorial tribute to a dearly departed loved one I’ve ever seen!!

  • jwm March 18, 2020, 4:44 PM

    May the Lord bless her and keep her. Prayers for Remus as well.
    I could face my own death easier than I could face the loss of my wife.

    JWM

  • ghostsniper March 18, 2020, 6:13 PM

    I HAVE to go first.
    Without her there is no me.

  • D S Craft March 18, 2020, 8:41 PM

    But ghost, if you go first then you leave your wife with the agony of losing you. If she loves you as much as you do her, do you want to leave her to suffer as you would if she left you first? But of course you can’t wish her death so that you can survive. I’ve been struggling with this question for some time now and like you, losing my wife would be the end of me. But, I think she kinda likes me and I would gladly take the pain so that she doesn’t have to. Unfortunately, I don’t think that will be the case.

  • ghostsniper March 19, 2020, 4:54 AM

    DS Craft, it’s a choice we don’t get to make, and a hope that confounds us.
    As we age we appreciate what we have.

  • jwm March 19, 2020, 9:59 AM

    Ds Craft & Ghostsniper:
    I too have wrestled with the same question. It sounds like all three of us have been richly blessed in marriage.
    I was thinking hard on it this last summer. I was out on the bike path alone, stopped for a couple of blasts on the pipe, and thought, “You know, I pray I’m the first one of us to go,”. Then I got smacked upside the head.
    If you go, then she is widowed for the second time.
    If you go there will never be anyone who could love to the depth that you love her.
    If you go what if she becomes ill? Who would be there for her? Who could possibly give her the care that you would bestow on her?
    Would you let her die alone so you don’t have to grieve? If you’re so sure you want to go first, how about right this minute? That stent could give out. They don’t call what you had the widowmaker for nothing. You could get smacked by a car before you get home. Do you want her to have to see a cop at the door with bad news?
    So I relented. I still fear losing her more than I fear my own death. But I entered this miraculous marriage that I have “for better or worse”. I’ll take what the Lord dishes out whatever it may be, and pray to understand His will.

    JWM

  • BlogDog March 19, 2020, 7:42 PM

    Ghostsniper, D S Craft, it is the essential problem of the life-long love. My mother told me of her mother who, after her father passed away (slipped into a diabetic coma one night after dinner and was gone in about two weeks), just faded herself and was gone within six months. She could not live without him. And I then saw my mother who lost my dad unexpectedly (“routine” surgery did not go to plan and a heart condition that seemed minor took him as he was in the recovery room) just start to go before my eyes as a cancer that she had been unaware of ravaged her and she was gone within months herself. And I realized that all the little picking they had done at each other in those later years was just incidental and the residue of years. I saw how much she loved him when she was unable to keep going with him gone. It brings tears to my eyes to this day.
    I have not had that deep connection in my life but I still maintain an open heart. I have seen what it can be.

  • Teri Pittman March 20, 2020, 10:46 AM

    I lost my second husband on January 23rd. It was unexpected. He had internal bleeding, caused by undiagnosed liver disease. He held on long enough for his son to make to the hospital from the coast. He was 68. I could not have made it through the death of my first husband, without his help. We both lost our spouses in 2008 and met in the ICU waiting room, when they were being treated. And we had 10 good years together, but it hurts. There is no easy way to deal with the loss of a spouse and the marriage you had together. You just have to try and deal with it one day at a time.

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