While practicing for the 2010 Uranalympics,two contestants, while using the hands off method, state for bonus style points "water sure is cold". The third using the hands on approach exclaims "deep too".

Posted by: MSL at April 30, 2009 2:27 PM

While practicing for the 2010 Uranalympics,two contestants, while using the hands off method, state for bonus style points "water sure is cold". The third using the hands on approach exclaims "deep too".

Posted by: MSL at April 30, 2009 2:28 PM

With his secret service agents distracted, President Obama took a private moment and mused "How sweet would it be if I had a bong so big I had to light it like this?"

Posted by: Andy at April 30, 2009 2:40 PM

Secret Service agents try to control the excitement from realizing they have reached the pinnacle of their careers.

Posted by: Cris at April 30, 2009 2:51 PM

"I could nail this golf thing if there was a teleprompter on the club head."

Posted by: director at April 30, 2009 2:53 PM

Recognizing the "Too much arugula on B.O.'s soyburger" stance, savvy secret service agents clear the backblast area.

Posted by: Andy at April 30, 2009 3:00 PM

President Obama rehearses his supplicant bowing techniques for his future meeting with the Saudi King.

Posted by: buster at April 30, 2009 3:00 PM

"Obviously you're not a golfer"

Posted by: Fat Man at April 30, 2009 3:07 PM

I really have to pee!

Posted by: Uh-oh at April 30, 2009 3:15 PM

Trial run for throttling Biden while his agents are "looking the other way."

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at April 30, 2009 3:34 PM

President Obama in the act of creating another job. For the janitor.

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at April 30, 2009 3:38 PM

Buster, you beat me to it...
"Obama practices for his next bow/handjob session with the Saudi King."

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at April 30, 2009 3:40 PM

Are you sure this is what Biden meant when he said we shouldn't go in confined places?

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at April 30, 2009 3:45 PM

"...A Cinderella story, this former ACORN activist, about to 'remake' America..."

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at April 30, 2009 3:45 PM

Invisible teabagging.

Posted by: Harvey at April 30, 2009 4:06 PM

"It worked for the Music Man..."

Posted by: Howard Roark at April 30, 2009 4:27 PM

Rahm boy: Do not try and hit the ball. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neobama: What truth?
Rahm boy: There is no ball.
Neobama: There is no ball?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the ball that flys, it is only yourself.

Posted by: David McKinnis at April 30, 2009 5:39 PM

Aw crap, I missed a Rahm boy.

Posted by: David McKinnis at April 30, 2009 5:41 PM

"Watch me write my name in the snow."

JWM

Posted by: jwm at April 30, 2009 8:18 PM

" ... and that's where you dig the well."

Posted by: mrp at April 30, 2009 8:32 PM

"I better ask Larry Craig if my stance is wide enough."

Posted by: Connecticut Yankee at April 30, 2009 8:48 PM

"Jeez...when Johnny Carson did this, music would play."

Posted by: Mumblix Grumph at April 30, 2009 9:56 PM

Getting ready to pay homage to the next dictator/tyrant/monarch on his tour, Obama detaches bong.

Posted by: cond0010 at May 1, 2009 3:15 AM

Obama, like Bush, gives up real golf during war-time.

Posted by: Chris at May 1, 2009 3:59 AM

i wonder where i put my balls? Maybe the saudis stole them when i was bowing

Posted by: wildman at May 1, 2009 6:51 AM

i wonder where i put my balls? Maybe the saudis stole them when i was bowing

Posted by: wildman at May 1, 2009 6:51 AM

"Being president is easy. I just piss down their backs, and the MSM tells 'em it's raining."

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at May 1, 2009 8:26 AM

Secret Service Agents muse: "How long do you think it will take for him to notice we took his club away?"

Posted by: goaussie at May 1, 2009 8:44 AM

Even in golf, there's nothing there.

Posted by: Dennis at May 1, 2009 9:05 AM

This pundit passes on urinalogies.

The Emperor Has No Clubs.

Posted by: Yanni.Znaio at May 1, 2009 9:20 AM

"I know Tiger Woods. And you, sir, are no Tiger Woods."

Posted by: Padre at May 1, 2009 10:52 AM

"Heel, Totus! Heel!"

Posted by: Mikey NTH at May 1, 2009 11:18 AM

"Oh great. He has pulled out the 'invisible' golf club again. I hope no one is looking..."

Posted by: El Gee at May 1, 2009 11:48 AM

Secret Service agents stand watch as Mr Obama practises his penis envy before an event."

Posted by: francis at May 1, 2009 1:33 PM

Larry Craig told me to widen my stance....especially here at the airport, but I think this'll do.

Posted by: Gary Wishon at May 1, 2009 4:51 PM

don't suppose anyone would believe I hadn't read the other comments until after I posted.....

Posted by: Gary Wishon at May 1, 2009 4:54 PM

"the pump don't work cause the vandals took the handle..."

Posted by: Adagny at May 3, 2009 10:49 AM

Be the ball...

Posted by: geoffb at May 3, 2009 10:55 AM

The price is WRONG, bitch!!"

Posted by: BuddyPC at May 3, 2009 3:41 PM

President Obama practices shaking hands with short people without appearing to bow.

Posted by: Zorbane at May 4, 2009 7:44 AM

The Emperor's New Golf Clubs

Once upon a time there lived a vain President whose only worries in life were to dress in elegant clothes, and own the most wonderful set of golf clubs in the world.

      Word of the President’s refinement and willingness to disparage his own country for a soundbyte spread to Europe and beyond. Two scoundrels who had heard of the President’s vanity decided to take advantage of it. They lobbied the halls of Congress with a scheme in mind.

      "We are two very good golf pros and after many years of research we have created an extraordinary set of clubs so divine that they appear invisible to anyone who is too stupid and incompetent to appreciate their quality."

      Nancy Pelosi heard the scoundrels’ strange story and sent for Harry Reid. Reid notified the Rahm Emanuel, who ran to the President and disclosed the incredible news. The President’s curiosity got the better of him and he decided to see the two scoundrels.

      "Besides being invisible, your Oneness, these clubs will be created especially for you." The President gave the two men a bag bailout money in exchange for their promise to begin working on the clubs immediately.

      "Just tell us what you need to get started and we'll give it to you." The two scoundrels asked for an unused Chrysler plant and some more bailout money, and then pretended to begin working. The President thought he had spent his money quite well: in addition to getting a new, extraordinary set of clubs, he would discover which of his subjects were ignorant and incompetent. A few days later, he called the old and wise prime minister, Barney Frank, who was considered by his peers as a man with common sense.

      "Go and see how the work is proceeding," the One told him, "and come back to let me know."

      Frank was welcomed by the two scoundrels.

      "We're almost finished, but we need more bailout money. Here, Excellency! Admire the workmanship, feel the quality!" The old man bent over the assembly area and tried to see the clubs that were not there. He felt cold sweat on his forehead.

      "I can't see anything," he thought. "If I see nothing, that means I'm stupid! Or, worse, incompetent!" If Barney Frank admitted that he didn't see anything, he could be discharged from his office and be forced to look for a private sector job!

      "What a marvelous set of clubs!” he said then. "I'll certainly tell the President." The two scoundrels rubbed their hands gleefully. They had almost made it. More bailout money was requested to finish the work.

      Finally, the President received the announcement that the two golf pros had come to deliver his new clubs.

      "Come in," the President ordered. Even as they bowed, the two scoundrels pretended to be holding the bag of clubs.

      "Here it is your Highness, the result of our labour," the scoundrels said. "We have worked night and day but, at last, the most wonderful golf clubs in the world are ready for you. Look at the Corinthian Leather grip and feel how fine it is." Of course the Emperor did not feel any grip and could see neither woods nor putters. He panicked and felt like fainting. But luckily Nancy Pelosi was right behind him and he sat down. But when he realized that no one could know that he did not see the clubs, he felt better. Nobody could find out he was stupid and incompetent, except a few bloggers who nobody ever read anyway. And the President didn't know that everybody else around him thought and did the very same thing.

      The farce continued as the two scoundrels had foreseen it. With great ceremony, they pretended to hand him one of the clubs.

      "Your Oneness, you'll want to take a practice swing.” The President was embarrassed but since none of his bystanders were, he felt relieved. He proceeded to swing his arms back and forth, recalling Ralph Kramden learning to golf from Norton in that Honeymooners episode.

      "Yes, this is a beautiful club and it feels very good in my hands," the President said trying to look comfortable. "You've done a fine job."

      "Your Oneness," the Rahm Emanuel said, "we have a request for you. The people have found out about this extraordinary set of clubs and they are anxious to see you try them out." The President was doubtful showing his 50 handicap to the people, but then he abandoned his fears. After all, no one would know about it except the ignorant and the incompetent.

      "All right," he said. "I will grant the people this privilege." He summoned his enourage and the ceremonial parade was formed. A group of dignitaries walked at the very front of the procession and anxiously scrutinized the faces of the people in the street. All the people had gathered in the main square, pushing and shoving to get a better look. An applause welcomed the regal procession. Everyone wanted to know how stupid or incompetent his or her neighbor was but, as the Emperor passed, a strange murmur rose from the crowd.

      The leftleaning pundits said, loud enough for the others to hear: "Look at the Emperor's new clubs. They're almost as beautiful as he himself!"

      "And the grip! Such a grip! It is not unlike the grip he has on all our hearts and minds!"

With great fanfare, the two golf pros placed a tee in the ground upon which they placed an invisible ball. The president swung, and all gasped at the stupendous flight of the ball.

“Look at it rise! Just like the stock market! Surely this is the beginning of a golden age!”

They all tried to conceal their disappointment at not being able to see either the clubs, or the ball, and since nobody was willing to admit his own stupidity and incompetence, they all behaved as the two scoundrels had predicted.

      A child, however, who had no government job and could only see things as his eyes showed them to him, went up to the designated media area.

      "The President has no clubs," he said.

      "Fool!" his father reprimanded, running after him. "Don't talk nonsense!" He grabbed his child and took him away. But the boy's remark, which had been heard by the bystanders, was repeated over and over again until everyone cried:

      "The boy is right! The President has no golf clubs! It's true! Plus, we now think the market will crash again in the fall!"

      The President realized that the people were right but could not admit to that. He thought it better to continue the photo op under the illusion that anyone who couldn't see his clubs was either stupid or incompetent. And he smiled stiffly for the media, while behind him a page held an imaginary stress test.

Posted by: Mister Snitch! at May 4, 2009 8:43 AM

He who holds nothing, has nothing?

Posted by: at May 13, 2009 4:09 AM