Stop the Presses! This just in: A User's Guide To Smoking Pot With Barack Obama.
Yes, oh so timely. Except that....
[First Published: 2008-12-18 01:14:25]
Vintage Postcard, 1969
Cause I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun.
I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker -
Steve Miller, The Joker
Don't get me wrong. I'm all for a little toke every now and then. Somewhere legal, like, man, say in Amsterdam. Not that I see, smell, or smoke the "Devil's weed wherein lurks murder, insanity, death" frequently, if at all, any more. I don't look for it, but if some smouldering spliff comes my way, well....
All the same as a (reformed) card-carrying member of the original Berkeley/Haight Hippies, I have had my share of smoke so powerful it could, as we once said, cause "the baby Jesus to open your mind and shut your mouth." I have been in rooms in Paris where the leaders of the Columbia student protests of 1968 stuffed up all the windows and doors of a cheap hotel room and lit an entire kilo on fire. And then we all stood in the smoke until it drove us out of the room. I've known people who smuggled 5 keys of Afghan hash into the country disguised as a carved wooden table. We worked on that one with a cabinet-maker's plane for about six months. I've done radio shows where the fans would mail us joints to make the music that much more interesting. I've sat on a floor with a man so stoned and yet so adept that he took about twenty papers and rolled, perfectly, an entire orange right down to the twisted ends. I've been to the Cannabis Cup in Amsterdam. Twice. I can't even talk about the entire front garden of weed that we accidently planted in Venice, California. It grew to about six feet tall before anybody got straight enough to notice it wasn't "calendula." We hung the plants head down in the garage for a month waiting for them to dry. We spent a lot of time in that garage. We wired it for sound.
Now when your throat get dry
And you know you're high
Everything is dandy
Truck on down to your candy store
Get you kicks off peppermint candy
Then you'll know your bodies set
You don't give a damn about payin' no rent
Well you hear the bells ring, ding dong ding
If you're a viper
-- Wayne Hancock - Viper [Soundtrack HERE. ]
Come to think of it, I've probably had more than my share. That's why I know, I say, I KNOW, a viper when I see one. And this young man is having a viper moment.
Frame One: "Have another hit."
[I know that various Obombers are blathering that it's "only tobacco" -- but you know they're lying. Either that or this kid is the most effete smoker since before Candy Darling was a pre-op. C'mon, Obamoids, fess up. Who holds a cig like that? Sissys and weirdos. Who holds a joint like that? Everybody. And... oh yes... here and below: 'Watch the eyes. They tell a story.']
Frame Two: "Feel the Buzz"
[You take a hit and then you hold your breath, right? All young vipers have that moment when the smoke hits your backbrain and makes you just, well, vague-out before coming to terms with your altered state. This is an exceptional expression of just such a moment.]
Frame Three: The 10-Second Nod
[You're still holding your breath since, hey, this shit costs money and you need to get the full benefit. Problem is that you not only need dope, you need air. This conflict causes you to take a short nap as you try to keep it all in. In drug lingo, you go "on the nod."]
Frame Four:"How sweet it is."
[Here we have a President who not only inhales, he exhales. And it's a relief -- as you can see -- because now with the buzz embedded in the brain you can get back to breathing.]
Frame Five: "Did you ever, like, notice how your hand moves when you want it to, man?"
[Oh, yeah. That's what I'm talkin' about. That frisson, that mellow warmth oozing through your limbs, that quiet riot in the backbrain, that slow, infinitely profound question forming: "Do... we... have... any... ice cream? And if... there is.... also chocolate sauce does that prove God exists, or what?"]
Frame Six: The Happy World
[In which we are assured that there is ice cream and chocolate sauce.]
Frame Seven: "How stoned am I? Look into my eyes, dude. I mean, man, check it out. This is visionary weed, man. I can see, see the future. I see myself as, whoa, President of the United States, man. How far out is that? Hey, don't bogart that...."
Now I hear all you non-vipers, you "we don't do no chronic, no how" dope-virgins, all saying, "Uncle Gerard, how do you know?" I know because I KNOW. And all my fellow vipers, active or in retirement, know the same thing.
The good news here is that, maybe, the Federal Government will get out of the War on Dope and concentrate on crack, coke, and crank. The bad news is that the Federal Government may get into the cultivation and distribution of "Official" weed. If they do, it will be the methadone of marijuana: You won't get sick. You won't get high. You'll just stay on it.
In 1980, when Obama was a freshman at Occidental College in Los Angeles, he was approached by an aspiring photographer named Lisa Jack, who asked him if he would be willing to pose for some black and white photographs that she could use in her portfolio. --Obama: The College Years - Photo Essays - TIMEPosted by Vanderleun at May 25, 2012 11:14 AM
No doubt about it, that boy is stoned.
Would have been funnier if he was sucking the life out of a bong, though.
Posted by: Daphne at December 18, 2008 4:26 AMNever touched the stuff myself, but a fair number of my friends did back in the day (hey, it was college in the '70s), and after a long session with Mary, they looked just like Barry-O does here. Feelin' no pain.
This bothers me far less than Barry's friendship with Bill Ayers and Rev. Wright. What I don't like is his dishonesty. Why can't he just admit that he toked some, even liked it, but outgrew it, like my friends did? I'd be willing to cut him some slack. Who hasn't done stupid things when they were young? I sure did. Hell, I even voted for Carter. Once.
Posted by: waltj at December 18, 2008 5:57 AMtrue dat Daphne. Would bring a whole new meaning to the word "tokemaster". Personally I had to stop partaking of the herb when my life got to the point that I required motivation and $ to accomplish responsible stuff. Real responsibilities = major buzz kill.
Posted by: DaveJ at December 18, 2008 6:09 AMForget the spliff, the clothes are what worry me. We just elected the maraca guy from KC and the Sunshine Band.
Posted by: Exurban Jon at December 18, 2008 7:43 AMThis is really great. As they say, it takes one to know one. Those pictures tell quite a story, your narative tells it all. What more can I say.
Posted by: Bobham at December 18, 2008 8:42 AMBoy, is he in for a surprise at his first meeting with the joint chiefs.
Posted by: Gagdad Bob at December 18, 2008 8:51 AMVery, very funny Gagdad Bob...
Yes, it's obvious that the creeper has moved up from the base of his skull, over the top of his head, and affixed a perma-grin to his face.
Breathe deep.
Exhale.
Stretch, right out of your skin.
Groovy.
I like his hat. We shall start a new craze, and sell Obama "reefer hats"
Posted by: Roderick Reilly at December 18, 2008 12:40 PMGreat, now that these have surfaced, he'll have to drop the hammer on anyone who does anything stronger than a wine cooler, to prove that he's not "soft on drugs."
Posted by: Voton at December 18, 2008 1:06 PMIt's very reassuring that President Elect Obama is consistent. He didn't give a flip about breaking the law then and he doesn't care about playing the system now.
Posted by: Lucy at December 18, 2008 3:09 PMI've got to suppose "ere" was said at least once during the photo shoot.
Posted by: David McKinnis at December 18, 2008 3:38 PMDid you know John and his girlfriend Christine?
I was the "minister" at their wedding. Ask me some time.
Posted by: M. Simon at December 18, 2008 7:42 PMExurban Jon wins.
Posted by: Fat Man at December 18, 2008 7:46 PMFinally, photos of Obama that seem "real". If I'd seen these before the election I might have been more motivated to vote for him!
Posted by: Donna B. at December 18, 2008 8:49 PMIt's really pathetic how so many Obama voters have some vision that he's a dedicated pothead and will give the drug-challenged community what they are looking for. Maybe you guys are the real wankers.
For the record, he is the next President of the United States, and the oath that he is required to take demands that he enforce all the laws, whether he personally approves of them or not. If you want to change the law, elect someone else to Congress.
Thank you, Pink Pig, for sharing your extensive and deep knowledge of how the Republic functions.
Posted by: vanderleun at December 18, 2008 11:16 PMUnfortunately, Pig, though "doing what you're told" is the easiest road to travel, had our founding fathers followed that road, we'd all be eating bad food and talking with funny accents.
Though Congress does in fact pass and rarely repeal laws, the President does have a great deal of influence on that congress on what he chooses to champion. This is particularly true when the two branches are of the same party as they are now.
I think our drug laws are silly at best, cruel and unusual at worst. 20 years for smoking pot is, well, un-American.
Posted by: Tombo at December 19, 2008 7:05 AMRoll roll roll a joint
Pass it down the line
Take a toke, enjoy the smoke
It'll blow your freakin mind.
(repeat 100 times, to the tune of row row row your boat)
Obama might have to find a new dealer that can supply the White House.
Posted by: rwg at December 19, 2008 7:11 AMAs a viper-in-retirement (age 60, San Francisco Bay Area, you figure out what I was doing) I can only marvel at the clarity, pertinence, and methodical case-building of this wonderful piece.
And kudos to gagdad!
"I have been in rooms in Paris where the leaders of the Columbia student protests of 1968 stuffed up all the windows and doors of a cheap hotel room and lit an entire kilo on fire"
Why? Out of papers, couldn't find an apple or a coke can or a pen or a piece of foil? How old were you guys at the time like 12 years old or something? "What should we do with it Gerard?". "Let's just light the whole thing on fire!". "Neato!". I'm guessing you stole the kilo from one of your parents stash. Am I right?
I'm kidding you but seriously if I could only have back all the shit I wasted because I was flush at the time I could buy myself something nice. Like a Ferrari or a McMansion. Oh well, no regrets. If I could remember it I'm sure I had some good times back in the day.
Posted by: Big E at December 19, 2008 8:45 AMObama feely admits to using pot and even cocaine when younger in his book. This is nothing new.
Posted by: James at December 19, 2008 9:38 AMI smoke two joints in the morning.
I smoke two joints at night.
I smoke two joints at the video games,
and at every 10,000 points ...
As a "one hit" wonder, I think he may just be a cheap date ...
Posted by: El Supremo at December 19, 2008 10:05 AMGaghdad, you are the man.
Nuff said.
.
Posted by: mimi at December 19, 2008 11:37 AMwaltj, he did admit it, in one of his books. It's long been known he used to be a stoner; it's just now that we finally get the photographic evidence.
Posted by: growler at December 19, 2008 4:03 PMLinked, with a sound track.
Posted by: Hector Owen at December 23, 2008 2:58 AMNice find on the soundtrack. I've put the link in the post.
Posted by: vanderleun at December 23, 2008 6:29 AMGlad you like.
Posted by: Hector Owen at December 24, 2008 9:56 AMI knew I voted for him for a reason. He reminds me of me except for the hat. I dig the hat. . .
"I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early midafternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . . But never at dusk." Steve Martin
Nice hat. Right.
In that day (I'm the same age as BHO) I would've been pummeled by my pals for wearing a hat like that. Who was I, a pimp wannabe?
What a poseur.
(But hey, maybe the photo chick gave it to him for the shoot.)
Posted by: Sasquatch at August 5, 2009 9:54 PMI'll have to take your word for it, Mr. VdL. I was raised as a good Catholic girl.
However, there is a point to the "opiate of the masses" scenario. How does anyone think Castro has stayed in power so long? I must write about my trip to Cuba some day, after it is no longer illegal to admit it.
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at August 6, 2009 5:03 AMThe whole pot-head in the White House thing hasn't worked out so well.
Posted by: Casca at May 25, 2012 12:08 PMAhhh, he's now being paid to keep the shit illegal. That's all. At the bottom of the matter Barry is a fucking whore, like all the rest of Proggs.
Damn I hate Proggs, Bush Proggs and Obama Proggs all the same.
Don't Barrack that joint, my friend
Pass it over to me
Don't Barrack that joint my friend
Pass it over to me
O-o-o-o-obama hijacked one
Just like the other one
He's been intercepting
And I still haven't got a hit
The table people were also friends of mine.
Posted by: M. Simon at May 26, 2012 10:08 PMListen! This was purportedlyBarack Obama's promise prior to the last election. Have we seen any progress as far as renewable energy goes?
Posted by: Chia Derentis at July 19, 2012 3:16 PMEnjoyed studying this, very good stuff, appreciate it. "Nothing happens to any thing which that thing is not made by nature to bear." by Marcus Aurelius Antoninus.
Posted by: Anh Eastwood at February 19, 2013 11:20 PMchoice. Anyhow; in the event you are a young driver and new to the road life, then you can definitely horn
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