"At a meeting between Eason Jordan and CNN executives this afternoon," Robinson stated, "it was agreed that this unfortunate incident was a learning opportunity for CNN on many levels. Accordingly, it was the consensus of all those at this high-level meeting that CNN immediately adopt the high-principles of journalistic professionalism, consistency, and transparency demanded by the blogosphere.

"It is, then, the official position of CNN News that, since we do not and cannot support the imperialistic American war in Iraq, we do not and cannot support the American troops in Iraq, either as units of the occupying and oppressive fascist forces of Bushism, or as individual Americans.

"We fully realize that by making our previously opaque position perfectly transparent, we are putting our journalists in danger of being assassinated by the stormtroopers of Amerikkka at an even greater rate than that divulged by Chairman Jordan to his friends in Switzerland last month, but that is an acceptable risk.

"Accordingly, we give fair warning to the goose-stepping minions of the Uber-Fascists in the White House, that all our reporters will be armed to the teeth with RPGs, trained to kill on command, and have their SUVs fully armored.

"Chairman Jordan fully endorses this new position and, although he will not make himself available for comment, may be quoted as saying, 'Bring 'em on!'