This Just In: "The Revolution Will Not Be Blogged"

The Revolution will not be Blogged
by Pharoah Ashseti of Newark @ myspace

You will not be able to read it at home, brother.
You will not be able to log on, log in and syndicate your feed.
You will not be able to lose hours in MetaFilter and Kuro5hin,
Click on text ads for naked punk girls with online diaries,
Because the revolution will not be blogged.

The revolution will not be blogged.
The revolution will not be hosted on Blogspot or Pitas.
It will certainly not be hosted on Salon or Backwash.
The revolution will not show you digicam pics of people
You've never met before in pubs or bars looking like they've
Just stepped out of Nerd Central Station and
Eaten a few too many Ring Dings.
The revolution will not be blogged.

The revolution will not win a goddamn Web award

From the Bloggies or Webmonkey or be linked to by A-list

Bloggers like Meg Pickard or Wil "Crazy Hair" Wheaton.

The revolution will not be turned into a comedy novel.

The revolution will not comply with HTML 4.01.

The revolution will not be updated regularly in easily

Digestible chunks, because the revolution will not be blogged, brother.


There will be no half-baked diatribe about the plans

You and your lover have for the weekend or that thing

You saw on television the other day but missed half of because Nancy rang.

The Guardian will not run a special on you

Or be able to spell your name.

The revolution will not be blogged.


There will not be any little graphics from "alternative" websites

Declaring you to be Syphilis or Charlie Manson.

There will not be any little graphics from "alternative" websites

Declaring you to be a Native American Chief made of butter.

There will be no custom scripts allowing you and your friends

To talk banalities in the sidebar of your site.

There will be no webcam pics of you posing just like Madonna

So that the rich nerd perverts who visit your page can buy you things

From your Amazon wishlist.


Memepool, Daypop, Blogdex, B3ta and Fark

Will no longer be so goddamn relevant or funny, and

Women will not give a shit if Brad and Jennifer are having

A happy marriage or if Tom Cruise is a homosexual because

The good people of the world will be in the street looking for peace.

The revolution will not be blogged.


There will be nobody having nervous breakdowns while

Putting together Web applications for updating your page

Or links to pages with many hamsters dancing in unison.

The revolution will not be an all-pervasive medium for

The transmission of ideas in a timely manner on a global scale.

The revolution will not display correctly in Mozilla.


The revolution will not have banners or popups or popunders

Or those irritating graphics that take over your whole screen.

You will not have to worry about having the latest Macromedia

Flash, Macromedia Shockwave or Macromedia Goddamn plugin.

The revolution will not work at all in Opera.

The revolution will not secretly hope for a deal with Microsoft.

The revolution will not be skinnable.


The revolution will not be blogged, will not be blogged,

Will not be blogged, will not be blogged.

The revolution will be no Web diary, brothers;

The revolution will be televised.

Posted by Vanderleun at January 8, 2006 1:30 AM