The Priss Escalates

Twice in One Day.... Aieeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Not content to ruin my morning with a Tom Oliphant column in the Boston Globe, The PBS Newshour (No longer paid for by people like me) saw fit to drag this consummate weirdo before its cameras just as my evening began.

Look, I’m as tolerant as anyone, but this guy just freaks me out! The look, the haircut, the bow tie, the mannerisms, the enunciation, the fey turning away. What era, what subculture, what species, what planet does this sock-puppet represent? He seems to me to be a demographic of one.

Can somebody please get in touch with Scout Productions and book this guy for a Fab Five makeover pronto? I mean, I could sort him out for the camera with about $1,200 (cheap), but he obviously needs professional media training, three qualuddes, a cup of ether and about six strenuous bong hits. For starters.

Oliphant’s appearance on PBS this evening was so over the top as to beggar description. A choice quote from his opining on the Kerry Medal brouhaha that I felt compelled to write down went like this: “Kerry wanted to throw... er... return... some ... ‘decorations’.... if I may use the term....”

To which we can only answer, "Why, yes, Tom you may... but only if you promise to check into ideological detox by dawn tomorrow. They've got openings in a DEA-funded program for wholesale brain transplants and you are pre-qualified."

Unless and until Tom Oliphant gets his image straight, he should be forbidden to appear in any public forum. It can only harm our chances for a full and fair election for voters of every persuasion if we are continually presented with a liberal commentator that every time he speaks makes us hear, ever so faintly in the background, the tune:

The priss goes on, the priss goes on.
Media keeps pounding a rhythm to the brain.
Democrats have finally gone insane.
La de da de de, la de da de da.

Democrats were once the rage, uh huh.
History has turned the page, uh huh.
The terrorist’s the current thing, uh huh.
Gunships are our newborn king, uh huh.

And the priss goes on, the priss goes on.
Media keeps pounding a rhythm to the brain.
Democrats have finally gone insane.
La de da de de, la de da de da.

Pundits sit in chairs and reminisce
Kerry’s chasing Bill to get a kiss.
The news keeps going faster all the time.
Dems still cry 'Hey let’s tax you another dime?'

And the priss goes on, the priss goes on.
Media keeps pounding a rhythm to the brain.
Democrats have finally gone insane.
La de da de de, la de da de da

Unless, of course, Oliphant is being paid by the Republicans as part of the vast Right Wing Conspiracy. In which case, it is a brilliant use of soft money. Tell me where to send a check.

Posted by Vanderleun at April 27, 2004 7:25 PM