1. When I post under an assumed name, I can get in closer touch with my Inner Sociopath.
2. Through block-quotes and fisking I have the power to transform even the most harmless statements of my enemies into concrete evidence of their evil plans to enslave mankind and rule the world.
3. In all humility I do not seek to rule the world. I seek only complete agreement and total capitulation.
4. I assume full responsibility for my posts, especially the good ones that are just links to someone else's.
5. If, after publication, one of my posts should, through no fault of my own, appear to be irresponsible, I will be responsible enough to make it disappear, along with the Google cache of it.
6. Being more confused about the First Amendment than I am about copyright, I am free to reveal the obscene number of hours I blog at work, and the URL of my secret blog where I post the truth about my coworkers' hygiene, bodily functions, porn-surfing habits, and gender reassignment surgeries. I know my rights.
7. At either The Daily Kos or Little Green Footballs, most of what I post would be considered normal. In fact, it is.
8. I celebrate my compulsive flaws for grammar and syntax of sins, for without them I would have no writing style sowhatever.
9. My seething cranium does not need to writhe in silence while I can still troll my own comments.
10. It is regrettable that I do not know who I have to bribe to get a spot on Instapundit's blogroll. Maybe if I clicked on his Amazon links enough?
11. As I learn to accept the wheezing servers and brain-dead coding of Technorati, I no longer need to carry a gun to its developers' meetings.
12. I have also come to understand that it really isn't necessary to check Technorati 25 times a day for new links to today's posts.
13. All my posts are beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting ones that are, frankly, made mostly of links to other people's posts.
14. I honor all facets of my blather and freely express my spew, regardless of federal, state and local laws, or common standards of civility and decency.
15. I maintain careful and detailed notes in a large database of everything my fellow bloggers have posted since 1999, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
16. False rumors are better for traffic than no rumors at all, for, lo, people will believe anything about George W. Bush.
17. I accept that I will never outgrow my compulsion to fisk Paul Krugman with a chain saw until every part of him is reduced to steaming gobbets of bloody flesh.
18. A good flamewar in the comments is nearly as good for traffic as hosting a film clip of Hillary Clinton trying on bathing suits.
19. It is a far, far better thing to be able to edit comments than to make them.
20. Why should I waste my time posting about whatever political fornication festival is at the top of Memeorandum when I can spend it worrying about what tomorrow's sitemeter will show?
21. I have accepted the fact that the only thing BlogAds, Google Adsense Ads, Federated Media Ads, and the PayPal Donation button have given me are slower loading times.
22. I am learning that trolling is not nearly as effective against my enemies as showing up at their front door with grenades.
23. I have conquered my shame at having, for about 10 minutes in the early morning hours of June 14, 2006, lusted after a three-way with Arianna Huffington and Anne Coulter. And I have deleted the photoshopped images.
24. I take solace in knowing that to read the entire blogsphere is not nearly as terrifying as having to write it.
25. I sleep soundly at night knowing that the complete lack of evidence behind what I write is the surest sign that I have posted the truth.
26. Joan of Arc heard voices too, but she was wise enough to have herself set on fire before she logged on.
27. I listened attentively to my friends and family when they told me to get a life. I did and this is it.
Posted by Vanderleun at May 13, 2008 5:48 PM | TrackBackAnd take pride in your Dutch name, that helps
Posted by: Hemaworstje at January 30, 2008 3:33 AMWell. That's disturbing.
Posted by: Eric Blair at January 31, 2008 10:05 AM"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated to combat spam and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.