When Nancy Pelosi speaks, America is gobstoppered.
Like you and millions of others, when I read Pelosi's theory that unemployment is the best means of creating employment (Pelosi: Unemployment Checks Fastest Way to Create Jobs), I had to spend a couple of days in the auto repair shop have my jaw jacked back into place.
Back at home with my head wrapped in bandages, I then read her amplification of those remarks: "It injects demand into the economy. It creates jobs faster than almost any other initiative you can name...." There was the tearing of fabric and...
Well, I had to turn around and get back to the shop to have my jaw jacked back into place again. Clearly, this process cannot continue. Being neither a rich man nor on unemployment, I cannot continue to pay for Pelosi's ceaseless injections of demand into the "Just STFU!" sector of the economy.
How does the mouth of this woman keep moving so many years after her intellectual hysterectomy? She's obviously in dire need of a high hard one in the form of a meteor to the base of the skull, and yet, like the Energizer Zombie, she keeps talking and talking and .... Then it hit me.
It was obvious. In fact, Pelosi herself hints at it when she says, "It injects demand into the economy." Pelosi's the victim of a ghastly surgical error. Nancy Pelosi's problem stems from the fact that at one of her regular Mojitos, Full Brazilian Waxing and Bathtub Botox" parties on her official jet, one of her fellow drunken galpals plunged the Botox needle through Pelosi's cheek and into her brain stem before pressing the plunger home.
You think I am exaggerating or make the weak joke, compadre? Not at all.
As it turns out there is a surgical procedure tailor-made for delivering Botox into Pelosi's brain. It's called: A non-surgical technique for accurate intracerebral injections in rat
An improved technique for intracerebral injection into rats is described. This technique uses a metallic skull template as an injection aid, aligned with the maxillary incisors, the eyes and the outer ear canals of anesthesized animals. With this device we have been able to target brain structures as small as 4 mm3 both rapidly, accurately and reproducibly. The new method provides a useful alternative to common stereotaxic techniques for rats up to 300 g. -- Journal of Neuroscience Methods :
I rest my case.
Posted by Vanderleun at July 2, 2010 6:43 AM
I think you're on to something here. It's been a while since I studied brain anatomy, but I just double-checked on wikipedia, and it indeed true that the folds -- or wrinkles -- in our grey matter are correlated with higher intelligence. Thus, could over-exposure to botox cause a smoothening of the surface of the brain? The wiki article says it all:
The cortex of a rat is almost completely smooth.
Perfect. Occom's Razor. Add in a little air turbulence or intentional pilot over control and BAM, instant stupid.
Posted by: Ride Fast at July 2, 2010 9:44 AMIf you bounced a penny off her forehead, would her face split?
Posted by: Mikey NTH at July 2, 2010 1:52 PMBy George, I think she's just come up with the final answer. No one needs to work. We all just draw unemployment, creating all that demand and the economy whirls around while the Feds' printing presses keep cranking out those unemployment checks.
What's that you say? If no one works, where is the supply going to come from? Damn, get Nancy on the speed dial, I'm sure she has an answer.
Posted by: Jimmy J. at July 2, 2010 3:32 PMDown here we use ice picks.
Cheap.
Portable.
Reusable.
Posted by: Lance de Boyle at July 2, 2010 9:31 PMIf a penny could bounce off her head, how high would it bounce?
Posted by: Jewel at July 3, 2010 1:27 AMJimmy J:
It's an economic perpetual motion machine. Of course it'll work!
The only flaw in Charles Ponzi's scheme is that he didn't get elected first.
Posted by: Gagdad Bob at July 3, 2010 9:22 AMShe could put her 'theory' to good use by retiring.
Posted by: Sadie at July 3, 2010 4:33 PM"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated to combat spam and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.
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