David and Reggina: Letterman's Husband Uses Dress to Ooze Past Gay Marriage Prohibition in Montana

Letterman and barely-legal husband Reggina (Gums) Lesko
in a moment of prenuptial orgasmic happiness.

Now it can be told. In an earthshaking article People magazine has revealed how David Letterman and his long time partner Reginald (Gums) Lasko took Montana's throbbing gay marriage issue into their own hands last month. Together, this loving couple decided to make their own private Brokeback Mountain out of their love's molehole in a ceremony that left the bible-toting, gun clinging yokels of Montana gasping for breath after a hail of laughter.

"Consarn it if that pimply-face twink in a skirt switcheroo he pulled ain't the funniest thing Letterman's done since his open heart operation," said T. Boone Peekings of Choteau, Montana's post office and sex-toy emporium The Love Connection. "Us simple folks out here on the range was feelin' a mite confused about who's the heifer and who's the bull over on the Letterman spread ever since Dave got that Paul Shaffer feller lubed up and used him as a dildo on a rodeo clown at the fairgrounds last summer."

"Yup," said Peeking's pardner (and Montana's number one and only female impersonator) Dina Martini, "the Montana gay pride parade committee of Choteau was plumb spun around on our saddle horns when we found out about those three-ways out at the Letterman Museum of Late Night Top Ten Lists and Prairie Grass. Didn't hardly seem fair, seein' as they coulda invited the entire gay pride parade of Choteau and only made it into a five-way."

Needless to say, when the details of the Letter/Lesko/ nuptials came to light in Secrets of David Letterman's Surprise Wedding Revealed @ People.com the rest of the likker-guzzlin' homofeelish population of Choteau, Montana breathed a sigh of relief.

"We wuz worried bout the young'un" said Daisy Mae Butt, the town librarian. "After all, havin' a five-year-old boy hangin' around a sin-pit of counternatural fornication jes' stuck in our craw. T'warnt right no how. But seein' as they'd both done got hitched now and that both are wearin' dresses, I kin go ahead and order Harry's Got Two Mommies and One Silver Daddy for our five foot shelf library. We ain't got but one twenty dollar gold piece fur book purchasin'."

The fact that gay marriage is still illegal in Montana did not to the marriage of these two hunky minds breed impediment. Reggie (Gums) Lesko and her wife Da-vide merely swapped roles for an hour in order to hornswoggle town drunk and "Justice of the Peace Pete Howard, who officiated the wedding."

"T'warnt no big thang," said Howard in a burst of the finest frontier gibberish. "He'n wuz a she'n and she'n wuz a he'n. Once Regginald, er.. Reginna... got that ball-gag outta Da-vide's mouth, them thar vows rolled offen their tongues slicker than greased Shaffers. I polished 'em off with a 'You may kiss the brides,' which set 'em back on their heels a tad. I had to clear that up with a hearty 'Git 'er done!' Which was when all hell broke loose. Gol-dang it if'in we aren't still scrubbin' out the chapel a month later."

Posted by Vanderleun at June 10, 2009 5:26 PM