June 7, 2010

The He-Man President: A Lean Mean Ass-Kicking Machine

I love the smell of false bravado in the morning! "Not a college seminar..." Is that code for being out of one's depth? "Standing in the rain...." Break out the crying towels and wheel in the rained-on cake from McArthur Park!....


And as we listen to the fates of cakes left out in the rain, let us reflect with Shakespeare's Richard II:

For God's sake, let us sit upon our kicked ass
And tell sad stories of the death of cakes;
How some have been overbaked; some sliced in gluttony,
Some frosted by the buttercream of Bush;
Some rained on by their wives: some dry gobbled;
All rained upon in the park: for within the hollow belly
That rounds the mortal temples of a cake
Keeps Sloth his court and there the doofus sits,
Scoffing his state and grinning at his pomp,
Allowing him a breath, a little scene,
To monarchize, be fear'd and kill with ass-kicking,
Infusing him with self and vain conceit,
As if this flesh which walls about our life,
Were batter impregnable, and frost'd thus
Comes at the last and with a little cupcake
Dissolves his diet's will, and farewell cake!

But let us not be merely negative about this distinguished gentleman, let us help. Mr. President, if you would just assume the position we will let the winds of karma blow you home.


Ass Kicking Machine 1 (Kind and gentle version)


Ass Kicking Machine 2 (Military-Industrial Complex version)

Posted by Vanderleun at June 7, 2010 9:52 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

One-legged man enters ass-kicking contest.

Posted by: ahem at June 8, 2010 6:03 AM

Nothing short of brilliant Gerard.

Posted by: Mizz E at June 8, 2010 6:34 AM

That is genius.
Of course, it may be a while before some of us can eat cake again.
Can't look- can't look away...

Posted by: Sal at June 8, 2010 6:43 AM

I can almost guarantee 0bama fights like a windmill.

Posted by: monkeyfan at June 8, 2010 7:49 AM

The weak man's impersonation of a strong man. And not a very good one.

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at June 8, 2010 8:49 AM

Remember when Jimmy Carter said if Ted Kennedy ran against him, "I'd whup his ass?" The Carter/Obama parallels mount.

Posted by: RC2 at June 8, 2010 9:34 AM

Someone at American Thinker once referred to Obama as an "effete academic weakling."

Spot on. Our President is a multi-syllabic punk.

Posted by: Don Rodrigo at June 8, 2010 10:11 AM

Whattan awesome analysis! Gerard, I only wish that I could write on my best day 1/2 as well as you write on your worst.

But you have to hand it to our First Muslim President: when it comes to telling Joooooish chicks to get the hell out of Palesti...errrr, MMS, he sure CAN kick that @ss!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S._Elizabeth_Birnbaum

Posted by: JewishOdysseus at June 8, 2010 5:46 PM

Great post. I luv that machine. I'd use the 2nd video on
obummer, he deserves it!
Great blog, I'm putting you on my esteemed, ahem, blogroll!

Posted by: Bunni at June 8, 2010 6:39 PM

Thanks, Bunni. It's an honor to be thus esteemed.

Posted by: vanderleun at June 8, 2010 6:44 PM

Will he use the same "Boot on BP's Neck" to now "kick some ass?"

What a goose stepping little prick.


Posted by: Austin at June 8, 2010 7:17 PM

It's probably a bit too freudian, but I read the post heading as "The He-Man President: A Lean Mean Ass-Licking Machine"

Not sure if that means there's something wrong with me, but it does fit.

Posted by: nilk at June 9, 2010 4:42 AM

I said he was a wuss before he was elected President.

Posted by: Pete Madsen at June 9, 2010 3:25 PM

"...I'd know whose ass to kick." I've heard that kind of talk before. Coming from a wimp trying to build up his manhood to his betters.

I know some rednecks in a local bar here who would LOVE to have this guy come in to their lair - without his SS bodyguards - and make that statement. They'd be happy to show him how ass-kicking is done.............

Posted by: jwcoopusa at June 16, 2010 12:23 PM
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