EMERGENCY MEASURES: BUSH HALTS ALL DOMESTIC PRODUCTION AND IMPORTS OF BULLSHIT.

"Sorry, but we're full," sez soon-to-be-ex-prez.

In what may be his last executive order, President George Bush today put the kibosh on the Bullshit industry citing "national security concerns" and the lack of enough bullshit snorkels to supply the population of all states.

"It is with great reluctance that I do this," said Bush, "since in so many ways bullshit is our most important product. However, with the bailin of the Obama administration of bullshit artists from the Clinton years, the bailout of even the porn industry, and the unforeseen tsunami of bullshit flowing out of Hollywood and cable television, the level of bullshit in the country is now over the heads of our toddlers and is rapidly rising to the point where even average sized adults are in imminent danger of drowning in it."

Following the President's statement, the head of FEMA confirmed that yet again the agency will be unable to supply the population of the country with life-saving bullshit snorkels should the barriers to BS fail during the Obama inaugural. "We've determined that as Obama takes the oath of office, the media alone could unleash such a slobbering wall of bullshit that it will overwhelm the banks of the Republic and drown millions not prepared or equipped with bullshit snorkels. If we had had more funding after the election we could have done something but as it stands the entire country is now at risk."

The director of Homeland Security concurred in this assessment stating, "We are doing everything we can to turn back the massive floods of foreign bullshit currently streaming towards our shores, but unless the President orders the navy and air force to eliminate offshore bullshit havens such as the BBC and Christine Amapour, our ability to protect the nation is seriously in doubt. Without napalm strikes on MSNBC and Nancy Grant, we're helpless."

A ray of hope from the still surviving private sector.

Wal-Mart responded to the bullshit crisis by rushing to all its stores the "Emergency Obama Age Snorkels" (above) that have proven to be effective during the campaign. Wal Mart spokesperson said, "We hope that by making these simple devices available at cost to our customers that some of our fellow Americans will be able to ride out the bullshit flood that is about to engulf the country. Wal-Mart is, once again, the store that cares!"

Soon to be Bullshit Commander in Chief Barack Obama said, "Oh yeah? Well, we'll see about that."

Posted by Vanderleun at January 9, 2009 8:47 AM