November 28, 2012

The Fifth Horseman Trotteth (Gangnam Style)

A little over a month ago my old friend remarks out of nowhere ..... (He makes a lot of remarks out of nowhere since his can be a random -- although highly analytic -- mind) ... out of nowhere he says, "So this new dance craze is becoming so big it's a signal something bad is about to happen to the planet. What do you think? Nuclear war or asteroid strike?"

In my typical way of responding to his numerous observations of this kind I said, ".... Huh?"

"You know, this pudgy Korean guy with his metrosexoid boyfriend humping and pumping and pretending to ride ponies rather than each other..... what's it called?..... Gangbang Style?"

"Gangnam Style. Gangnam!"

"GangNam. GangBang. Whatever. All I know is that when one of these humpty-pumpty, krunk-punk, mutual masturbathon dances gets to this craze level something bad, something very bad, is about to happen to the world."

"Get real."

"This is real. Stark raving reality. Check it out. The Twist gave us the Sixties. Disaster. The Hustle equals the agony of disco in the Seventies and on into the last huge inflationary period, the Eighties. Then you have the line-dancing blight of the early Nineties followed by the real ideological plague of the Macarena."

"The Macarena? An ideological plague? Just step away from the bong and put down the Ball jar of moonshine, please."

"I'm as sober and straight as I get. I remind you that the Macarena unleashed the second Clinton era and also that at the 1996 convention Al Gore famously danced to the Macarena while standing still."

"Humm, double disaster for sure."

"Correctamente. And now we've got this Korean chubbette trotting towards global dance domination. I'm telling you this bodes ill for the world. I'd move but I think whatever's coming is going to make the extinction of the dinosaurs look like the Westminster Dog Show's tea reception."

"Yeah. Right. I'll keep my eye on it."

Fast forward five weeks and PSY - GANGNAM STYLE (강남스타일) M/V on YouTube has smashed through all records with a gobstopping 840,131,442 views. Not only that, the velocity of views seems to be increasing:

gangstylestats.jpg

A billion views is clearly within reach and soon. Chillingly soon.

Because, putting aside what this says about about the death of taste, intelligence, spirituality, sperm count and prefrontal lobes in the human race, the real chilling effect of the rise of Gangnam Style is found in.... drum roll.... may I have the envelope please.... the work of..... Nostrodamus!

calmmorning.jpg

And there you have it. The End.

That's not completely depressing though. Think of all the money you'll save on Christmas presents this year. And, oh, by the way. Forget the diet. Take the cannoli.

[World-Ending Video and lyrics after the jump.]

A girl who is warm and humanly during the day
A classy girl who know how to enjoy the freedom of a cup of coffee
A girl whose heart gets hotter when night comes
A girl with that kind of twist
I’m a guy
A guy who is as warm as you during the day
A guy who one-shots his coffee before it even cools down
A guy whose heart bursts when night comes
That kind of guy
Beautiful, loveable
Yes you, hey, yes you, hey
Beautiful, loveable
Yes you, hey, yes you, hey
Now let’s go until the end
Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style
Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style
Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh
A girl who looks quiet but plays when she plays
A girl who puts her hair down when the right time comes
A girl who covers herself but is more sexy than a girl who bares it all
A sensable girl like that
I’m a guy
A guy who seems calm but plays when he plays
A guy who goes completely crazy when the right time comes
A guy who has bulging ideas rather than muscles
That kind of guy
Beautiful, loveable
Yes you, hey, yes you, hey
Beautiful, loveable
Yes you, hey, yes you, hey
Now let’s go until the end
Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style
Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style
Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh
On top of the running man is the flying man, baby baby
I’m a man who knows a thing or two
On top of the running man is the flying man, baby baby
I’m a man who knows a thing or two
You know what I’m saying
Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh

Posted by gerardvanderleun at November 28, 2012 8:42 AM
Bookmark and Share

Comments:

HOME

"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Right before it ticks over to 1,000,000,000, it will have to pass through 999,999,999.

Posted by: stephen b at November 28, 2012 10:22 AM

As I said in the sideline, the re-election of Hussein is a clear sign that God is judging us.

Posted by: Fat Man at November 28, 2012 10:36 AM

More signs and portents:

"Ask E. Jean: My Husband is Sleeping with My Mother:
E. Jean helps one woman realize she has found true love, joy—and freedom—in her husband's affair."

http://www.elle.com/life-love/ask-e-jean/ask-e-jean-husband-mother-affair

Posted by: Fat Man at November 28, 2012 12:22 PM

No way. Somebody hacked the count.

Posted by: I-RIGHT-I at November 28, 2012 1:54 PM

If it hastens the burning times, might as well give'er a click.

Posted by: butch at November 28, 2012 4:41 PM

What's the harm in it? It's a little bit of inane music and video that makes people laugh. Sure, you can shake your head at the silliness of it, but doesn't it make you smile as well?

Posted by: pdwalker at November 28, 2012 9:59 PM

Every generation needs its Macarena.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at November 29, 2012 1:25 PM

"All Your Base" brought up to date.

Posted by: Joe at November 30, 2012 4:55 AM
Post a comment:

"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated to combat spam and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.










Remember personal info?