December 20, 2013

This Just In: Santa Claus Goes to School, Takes a Pledge, and is Still White

While the news world has forgotten last week's question, "is Santa white?," and gone duck dynasty hunting, last week's question has been answered for all time with the revelation that "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa School.

Upon graduation from the Santa School, all surviving Santas receive a diploma and take the pledge:

"This certifies that …. has honorably and diligently completed the course in the study and art of Santa Claus. As holder of this diploma, I fully realize the responsibility and privilege that is mine in spreading joy and happiness to the children of this world through their beloved friend and servant, Santa Claus. I hereby sincerely and solemnly promise to give my best, my all to carry out the principles Santa Claus stands for."
Who could ask for more?

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Santa before finishing school: "He had potential. It would take the heat of battle to make him reach that potential; to be all the Santa he could be."

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Trial by fire: "Some say the slackly diapered toddler is the greatest threat Santas face, but those are by and large an anomaly in long days and nights of hysterical children one is forbidden to smother with a pillow. Hence, this is still the acid test."

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The finished product: "We pride ourselves with turning out the most sustainable, organic, and locally sourced Santas anywhere. Even the jelly in the belly bowl is made from sustainable quinoa in a subaqueous solution."

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The certificate tells the tale: "Look for the Union Label. Stock no substandard Santas. Do it for the children."

[HT: Messy Nessy Chic Messy Nessy Chic]


Posted by gerardvanderleun at December 20, 2013 1:21 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Do you honestly think kids give a damn about the color of someone's skin? No that is an adult problem. Kids just want the fantasy of free toys and candy canes.

Posted by: Potsie at December 20, 2013 2:25 PM

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?

Posted by: vanderleun at December 20, 2013 3:32 PM

Nope, I am talking to all the people that get their panties in a bunch over such silly little things.

Posted by: Potsie at December 20, 2013 4:08 PM

Well all right then. I'll stay your execution until after Christmas.

Posted by: vanderleun at December 20, 2013 6:16 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated to combat spam and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.










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