May 30, 2014

The Unreading List


Posted by gerardvanderleun at May 30, 2014 9:37 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

See Dick bust a cap in Jane's ass.

Posted by: Mumblix Grumph at May 30, 2014 9:45 PM

See Spot dick Jane.

Posted by: David McKinnis at May 30, 2014 10:11 PM

Those aren't book titles, Gerard, they're chapters of The World's Most Awesomest Book, Ever!

Posted by: Jewel at May 31, 2014 12:50 AM

but..but..weren't much of Brothers Grimm, Aesop, HC Anderson, 1001 Tales of Arabian Nights, Sendak,Seussal, et Al., cautionary tales intended as "This is why you shouldn't believe like you're so freakin' special, immune from consequences, and above it all you insufferable little brat?"

Posted by: CaptDMO at May 31, 2014 3:25 AM

In the East of West Meast
Near the Larsh of Lalode
Lives a sour old man
In a plexiglass toad.
Seeking for women
He'd quite like to bone,
He listens and looks
Into everyone's home.
(Including the bathroom
Of Officer Vestus
-And that's why
He came by last week
To arrest us.)

from "The 500 Heads of Bartholomew Kubbins
and Other Children's Tales of Otherness"
by Dr. H.P. Seusscraft

Posted by: JB at May 31, 2014 5:15 AM

Theodore Sturgeon was right. "90% of everything is crap." That list eliminates the writing of great books.

Posted by: Vermont Woodchuck at May 31, 2014 5:30 AM

You left out one:
"How to test for high voltage with a silver fork. The child's guide to do it yourself."

Posted by: stuart at May 31, 2014 9:33 AM

"The Footless boy and things under your bed"

Posted by: Bill Henry at May 31, 2014 10:18 AM

"Yes, Bridges really do collapse as cars drive across them" or "Why you need a Flying Boat Car"

(That was one of my biggest childhood fears) ;)

Posted by: Bill Henry at May 31, 2014 10:20 AM

" We Know All of Your Secrets"

" You Didn't Build That!"

"Where Mr. Bundy's Dead Cows Hide"

"What Difference Does ANYTHING Make?"

"Who Hid Daddy's Cigars?"

"Some of My Best Friends are White People"

"Tawanna Shows Us Dumpster Diving For Fun and Profit"

"Famous Arab Astronauts"

Posted by: Descendant of Cave Painters at May 31, 2014 11:35 AM

This thread is coming along nicely. I am proud, DAMNED PROUD!, of the titles herein.

Posted by: vanderleun at May 31, 2014 11:53 AM

This reminds me I need to finish up my screen play, "Curious George Commits an Atrocity". Loosely based on the old web game of the same name, it is the story of a gene-spliced monkey who escapes from the lab and goes on a cross-country spree committing heinous atrocities too numerous to mention, until he is finally brought down by a well-organized party of Northern Michigan deer hunters.

Posted by: SteveS at May 31, 2014 4:47 PM

YES, you CAN catch poisonous snakes and spiders!
Mommy and Daddy's best drinks under the kitchen sink
Ammonia, bleach and your bedroom closet

Posted by: Daniel K Day at May 31, 2014 4:49 PM

Bi-Curious George
Captain Ben Berancke and His Magnificent Magic Money Machine
The African-American of the Narcissus
The Big Book of Jewish Astronauts
Tales of Heroism from the Files of the TSA
Django Rechained
Victory in Benghazi
Vince Foster: The True Story

Posted by: Shibes Meadow at May 31, 2014 6:07 PM

Why did the nice lady at the library call the police when I asked for these books?

Posted by: revjen45 at June 1, 2014 8:40 AM

All About Sinkholes: When the Earth Opens Up and Swallows People and Things

Posted by: Grizzly at June 1, 2014 10:19 AM

Cadavers and you. The complete guide to mummification

Posted by: Balthazar_70 at June 1, 2014 7:52 PM

Charlie Brown, Peppermint Patty and the Sex Shop

Mister Fork and Mister Electrical Outlet Want To Be Friends

Let's Put Mr. Hamster In the Microwave (Pop Goes the Weasel) -stolen shamelessly from an old Robin Williams skit

Your Daddy Dates a Lot of Whores

Skittles, Vodka and Cigarettes: Planning Your Kindergarten Party

Sleeping On the Train Tracks Can Be Fun!

The Honey Badger Just Wants A Hug

Posted by: physics geek at June 2, 2014 5:11 AM

I can show you where Daddy hides his handgun.

I know where the bullets are kept.

It can't possibly be loaded, Daddy is too careful.

I can show you how to drive the riding mower.

See how the mower will eat sticks and spit out splinters.

The fog coming out the cars exhaust pipe feels warm on my hands...

Posted by: tomw at June 2, 2014 9:23 AM