October 2, 2013

The Continuing Crisis: Onofre's arm's journal 10/2/13 GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN!!! Day 2

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Until further notice, there will be no more photographs of Lady M taking [flattering soft-focus butt hidden] “selfies” by the official White House photographer. Thanks Republicans!

As reported by Brazo Onofre • at Michelle Obama's Mirror: #Shutdown: The Terrible, Terrible Reality!


Dear Journal,

Wow, things have gotten crazy around here, I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out. This morning, the lines at the grocery store were........well.........at least two or three people long.........sort of like they were last week. I topped off the tank of my truck again this morning, just like I did yesterday, when I was out and about. No lines at the Valero, it's sure a good thing that the Federal government didn't Socia..................errr, "take over" the oil companies the way Congressworm Maxine "Dirty" Waters suggested!

I'm hearing disturbing reports that bands of roaming Non-ees (non essentials) are hanging out in downtown malls, buying Big Gulps at 7-11's, and generally doing nothing productive or useful. It's unnerving that they're behaving the way they usually did before the shutdown, I fear they're planning something terrible. Heaven help us if they ever combine forces with the Lowfoes and the Nofoes, the way they did in the last election, there just won't be enough of us, the people who were never infected with the devastating Kool-Aid virus, to fight them off. I'm well armed, butt it's becoming more difficult to detect uninfected people who will help to man our side of the battle lines. These are perilous times.

I'm also getting sad news from across the country regarding our National Parks.

Apparently, out of spite, before the Non-ees walked off the job, they filled in the Grand Canyon, they insincerely claimed that it wouldn't be safe to leave such a big hole unattended. Bastards!

Students of the late artist Christo (RIP) have erected a giant curtain around Mt. Rainier,effectively shielding it from sight.

At Mesa Verde, the Anasazi ruins are now in ruins.

The furloughed Zeus will no longer be raining thunderbolts down upon Sequim and Port Angeles from atop Mt. Olympus.

The stream that feeds Bridalveil Falls at Yosemite has been diverted to a bottling plant where the water will be bottled and sold at an exorbitant price under the brand name "Michelle's Magic Elixir".

Arches National Park has been purchased directly from the Obamas by McDonald's, and they plan on painting all the natural arches bright yellow.

Yogi and Boo-Boo have crossed the Jellystone Park perimeter, and along with an army of their ursine friends, they have laid siege to the small town of West Jellystone until the terrified residents relinquish all of their picnic baskets.

Carlsbad Cavern has been transferred to NSA control for use as an archive for the personal information they've gathered about US citizens.

I don't know what's worse at this point, the terrible disposition of our National Parks, or the deafening whining sound coming from DC and our bawl-baby PINO.

On a different matter, I'm going to sign up some more fictional people to Obamacare. Today, Seymore Butts, Helen Bed, Phillip Uranus, and Harrison J. Bounel all get Obamacare accounts! I still have a number of the social security numbers that Barack Obama has used in his past to assign to my fictional characters. Already, a woman who I signed up yesterday has been denied a hip replacement because of her advanced age (45). At least that's the excuse she was given. I think it is more likely that they can't give her a hip replacement because the company that made them has gone out of business. Apparently, the owner of the company told the press that the new tax on medical devices effectively wiped out his profit margin, so he liquidated his company's assets, laid off all his employees, and has moved to the mysterious community of Gault's Gulch.

That's all for now!



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Oooh, the Horror, the HORROR!

Posted by gerardvanderleun at October 2, 2013 10:47 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Regime change.
It's not just for _insert country here_.

Posted by: Scott M at October 2, 2013 12:29 PM

It's amazing what fiddling with aspect ratios can do for a person's ass...

Posted by: monkeyfan at October 2, 2013 12:44 PM

El Brazo Onofre! Que, milagro. I'm loading the ought-six and sharpening the butcher knives in case Pacheco's pig shows up in my beanfield.

Posted by: JD(not the one with the picture) at October 2, 2013 2:58 PM

I just signed up.

Posted by: Mike Hunt Burns at October 4, 2013 12:20 PM

I signed up too. It was as fast as lickedy-split.

Posted by: Connie Lingus at October 4, 2013 12:24 PM

Well.... If it was that easy for both of you, I think I'll just suck it up and go for it myself.

Posted by: Phil A. Sheo at October 4, 2013 12:28 PM

I can just picture the other First Ladies in a similar pose. NOT

Posted by: elr at October 5, 2013 9:42 AM
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