I'd buy it, but I found the capitaloppressive price of $15 plus $6 shipping to be macrocisexpensive.

Posted by: Gordon at October 21, 2014 8:09 AM

My uncle Louie Lozko, we all called him ":Letsgo Lozko", he raised bantam chickens. He was also partial to dogs.

He told me one time he was out west he was driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:
Talking Dog For Sale

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

Letsgo goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After my uncle recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.
I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

Letsgo is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."

Posted by: chasmatic at October 21, 2014 9:31 AM

How awfully angry and unhappy all these quotes are. So filled with rage and fury, for so little reason.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at October 21, 2014 11:14 AM

It saddens me that I honestly don't know if this is a satire.

If it is, it's damned funny. If not, it's...funnier.

Posted by: Joel at October 21, 2014 1:33 PM

Come for the art, stay for the sweet indignations!

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at October 21, 2014 3:42 PM

That is fuckin hilarious.

Posted by: Rob De Witt at October 21, 2014 10:07 PM

Never before have pix of kittens made me want to punch someone in the face. It's a milestone!

As for Uncle Letsgo, that's not a bad price for a dog with a good tale.

Posted by: SteveS at October 22, 2014 7:04 PM

Don't buy the calendar. Just say to your self 20 times a day for three weeks, " I am a sook and I do not have to grow up!" and the money you save can go towards your sex change.

Posted by: EllyBird at October 22, 2014 9:27 PM

My personal space is offended by the intolerance of your white, bourgeois, paternal-centric attitude. Now shut up, Dad, and go buy some groceries while I move back into your basement.

Posted by: Greg O. at October 22, 2014 9:54 PM

This calendar falls into the cat-egory of speciesism! Where is the dog-matic Social Justice Puppies Calendar?

Posted by: PA Cat at October 23, 2014 2:54 PM

I didn't think it was possible to make a kitten ugly.
I stand corrected.

Posted by: wallyj at October 23, 2014 9:33 PM

As Steve Martin said on Saturday Night Live:
Okay! Hey, does anybody know where I can get some cat handcuffs? I've gotta get a pair of cat handcuffs. Either two little ones like this, to go around the little paws.. or a big one that hooks onto my arm and then hooks onto the cat. I found out my cat was embezzling from me, so I've gotta get a little pair.. of cat handcuffs, so.. Well, I found out that when I'm away, he goes to the mailbox, picks up the checks, take them down to the bank and cashes them. The way I caught him, I went out to his little house, where he sleeps at night, and there was like $3,000 worth of cat toys out there. And you can't return them, because they have spit all over them.. I don't know where he is now, I guess he went out to Catalina, or something like that, I don't know.. [ audience groans slightly ] No. He bought a catamaran, and went out.. [ audience groans again ] No, he got it out of a catalog.. [ groans ] This is a catastrophe! Hey, just remember - comedy is not pretty!

Posted by: Gary D. at October 23, 2014 10:21 PM

Those poor kittens will need years of therapy to overcome the shame and guilt they will feel for being used as pawns in the scheme to extort money from the gullible.

Posted by: m at October 24, 2014 7:05 AM

I'm with Chris T. above -

I presume the Germans must have a word for something that you really, genuinely, and truly cannot tell if they are being satirical or dead serious.

Which says oh-so-much about the state of that ideology today.

Posted by: Andrew X at October 26, 2014 2:23 PM

Oops, I mean Joel, not Chris T. My bad.

Posted by: Andrew X at October 26, 2014 2:24 PM