I know it's a parody, but who would hire them in the first place?

"warm bodies"
Sometimes that is preferable to no bodies at all.

You keep telling yourself.

On the other hand, who raised these millennials?

On the other hand, who raised these millennials?

Boomy Babers - the same ones who, in the '60s, in one breath marveled over the sweet behavior of my daughter while criticizing me for being too strict. Still rebelling against their parents when it was their turn, they showed 'em by never becoming parental.

That went well, didn't it?

Actually, Rob, "Boomy Babers" are probably their grandparents. The parents of millennials are likely to be Gen-Xers (who, like every age group, have their own issues when it comes to the workplace). But based on my experience with millennial employees, this "training video" is pretty accurate. Everyone is special, everyone gets a trophy, the bumps in the road that the rest of us refer to as "life" warrant time off from work, and the clock is an alien device.

Are these the future political ninjas that will discover the magic, painless fix for Social Security, Medicare, hyperinflation, and launch the resurgent Conservative Movement? Maybe, unless Microsoft is launching a new game console on the same day as all of that.

This gen-Xer entered the tech world in the early 90s before the tech boom, when it was a tight economy. If you didn't perform you were tossed out the door. You may have gotten a second chance if the reason you failed was simple bad luck.

I saw the boomers wasting their money during the easy times of the dot com boom. Buying their McMansions with their paper wealth. I knew more than a few that ended up as school janitors and drive-through attendants after the crash.

Now that HR is doing all of the screening of potential hires, I get the unmotivated 50% of the time and the worthless 25% of the time.

They walk in the door so grateful to have a job and within the week start putzing off. It is insane.

I'm in IT, UNIX app work that is a mix of SA, OS security, and building out user access. It isn't some sort of soft skill but folks will come through the door without any knowledge at all. Even if I wrap all the icky technical bits into a script (run this like so) they don't get it. Just worthless.