November 2, 2010

DeadOcrats Confess! "I voted Democrat because..."

Yes, this one's back from last April because, amazing as it may seem, some people actually voted for DeadOcrats. Why, oh Lord, why? Here are some "reasons."

When your friends can't explain why they voted for Democrats, give them this list. They can then pick a reason.

10. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

9. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

8. I voted Democrat because Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

7. I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

6. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

5. I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies through abortion so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

4. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

3. I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the democrats see fit.

2. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

1. I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass it's unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

(Via email from MH)

[Bumped because it is driving up my hit counter in a wicked way.]

Posted by Vanderleun at November 2, 2010 9:00 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

"I voted Democrat because I believe it should be a federal crime not to discriminate on the basis of race."

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at April 18, 2010 9:33 AM

I voted Republican was the lesser of two evils.

Posted by: Horatio at April 18, 2010 10:02 AM

I know what you mean Horatio.

Posted by: vanderleun at April 18, 2010 10:12 AM

and then she goes so and then I goes i voted for Christy Brinkly anyway because she's more attractive than Obama i wasn't about to waste my vote like that besides I have to go to the old navy i hate all my clothes don't u and i need flip flops real bad have you seen those new ones text ya l8r!

Posted by: Rick at April 18, 2010 10:20 AM

My liberal friends are single issue voters to a man, abortion and the environment trump everything.

The arguments, agreement and level discourse on anything and everything else don't matter, they never matter. Reproductive rights and plastic bags rule the day.

You'd think a woman couldn't scrape her womb or haul her groceries home by alternative means in 2010 without pulling that big D lever at Tuesday's polls.

This from people who live in intact, married families that attend church, volunteer at school, drive Suburbans, lead scouts, donate to the poor, hold Easter as holy and mow their lawns in faded Polo shirts that they wore out on the golf course.

They live like conservatives, in every sense of the word, and vote democrat on two small issues.

It nearly makes my head explode.

Posted by: Daphne at April 18, 2010 5:15 PM

I voted Democrat because I thought a drug-addled Indonesian-Kenyan-Muslim would make a better President than a real American.

Posted by: Blastineau at April 18, 2010 5:50 PM

Daphne nails it. I consistently come across people fitting her description and I cannot explain it any other way.

Posted by: Eric Blair at April 18, 2010 7:08 PM

I voted Democrat because I was tired of the stability of government, the reliability of being a nation of laws and rejected my inheritence from old dead white guys of the gift of liberty that was a burden for me.

Posted by: Becky at April 19, 2010 8:53 AM

I voted Democrat because...well, hell, if it was the only thing in her life that made Michelle Obama proud of her country, then it must have been the right choice...

Posted by: at April 19, 2010 10:19 AM

I vote Democrate because I like knowing the founding fathers are rolling over in their graves! They love it when we give away all the freedoms they gave their lives for!

Posted by: Ellie at April 20, 2010 4:42 AM

Missed the absolute #1 reason, tho: "I voted Democrat because, for the first 18 years of my life, my parents told me every day that if I ever voted Republican I was... going to hell/a Nazi/a greedy pig/a traitor/an Irish-hater/a n!gger-lover/an ingrate/a racist...

On this one, you really can blame MANY parents.

Posted by: JewishOdysseus at April 20, 2010 8:37 AM

"I vote Democrat because I want everyone to be equally miserable"

Libtard Nutyob

Posted by: martha at April 21, 2010 5:33 AM

I'm sure your friends will appreciate having these straw men used when talking to them.

Posted by: yumyum at April 21, 2010 6:49 AM

So, Gaghdad, you believe that Louis Farrakhan, Jeremiah Wright and Barack Obama should be charged with federal crimes???

Posted by: Freedom Bob at April 21, 2010 2:31 PM

I vote democratic because I'm black and that's what we do (regardless of anything else that truly matters to our country).

Posted by: at April 21, 2010 6:38 PM

I voted democrat because of them nice folks at Acorn dun picket me up from my food stamp offise gave me a samwich and kooladeon da way to vote. day enen give me a ride back. Sor good to be a Amirican!

Posted by: Nosmokingnoprob at April 21, 2010 6:43 PM

I like my stuff to be shared with others whom do not deserve it!!

Posted by: at April 21, 2010 7:01 PM

I voted Democrat because my union said I wouldn't have the resources I need to teach my students if I didn't help the gov't provide them for me! (Why are we so short these funds now that Dems control everything, BTW?? I did what I promised... why aren't they coming through for me and my class??)

Posted by: unionsrule at April 21, 2010 7:14 PM

I voted Democrat because my skin color matches the president's, and that's all that matters to me.

Posted by: Deedee at April 21, 2010 7:15 PM

I voted democrat baecause I want to keep getting my govurnment check

Posted by: John at April 21, 2010 7:29 PM

I voted Democrat because:

I agreed with the O's strategy of staying in Iraq.
I thought Sarah Palin would be a great VP.
I knew the Republicans were in charge in Congress.
I agreed with the O's anti-abortion policy.

I voted for Democrats because I am too stupid and uniformed to do otherwise. It's a good thing we all get one vote, even if by the the same standard we'd be denied a driver's license.

It would really suck if all of us that don't pay taxes, so we have no liability, were not able to vote for more benefits.

Posted by: Cyrano at April 21, 2010 7:50 PM

I voted Democrat because it was the COOL thing to do.

Posted by: at April 21, 2010 8:09 PM

I voted Democrat because Oprah told me to.

Posted by: at April 21, 2010 8:10 PM

I voted Democrat because I don't want to have to worry about paying my bills anymore.

Posted by: at April 21, 2010 8:11 PM

I voted democrat because I really thought Nancy Pelosi was badly engineered robot sent here to scare the right wingers!

Posted by: Kathy at April 21, 2010 8:11 PM

I voted Democrat 'cuz... Free stuff!!! Nuff said...

Posted by: at April 21, 2010 8:13 PM

I voted Democrat because I'm an idiot.

Posted by: at April 21, 2010 8:16 PM

I voted D to get my Obama money!

Posted by: chelle at April 21, 2010 8:19 PM

I voted Democrat because I believe the educated elite career politicians who have never held a real job in their whole lives (Joe Biden) know much better how to run a car company, a bank, or any other industry than people who have successfully done it for decades.

Posted by: Eve at April 21, 2010 8:33 PM

...It was easier than thinking.

Posted by: Doc Holliday at April 21, 2010 10:11 PM

I voted Democratic because while I believed that determining when life began was above Obama's pay grade, I knew he was perfectly suited to determine when life should end.

Posted by: Methusala at April 21, 2010 11:26 PM

I voted Democrat because Obama told me I didn't have to make payments on my house - foreclosure wouldn't affect me as his supporter.

Posted by: Darv at April 22, 2010 5:35 AM

I voted Democrat because I'm tired of being successful and having to pay for 47% of America that have been convinced it's easier to take the free ride...

Posted by: TED at April 22, 2010 6:05 AM

I voted Democrat, both times!

Posted by: Dennis at April 22, 2010 6:17 AM

I voted Democrat because I needed a ride and a pack of smokes.

Posted by: Becky at April 22, 2010 6:42 AM

I voted Democrat because my professor convinced me that this was the ENLIGHTENED party that SOLVES the problems the Republicans CREATE.

Posted by: Blinz at April 22, 2010 6:43 AM

I voted Democrat because I thought we should give Cloward-Piven a try.

Posted by: ted at April 22, 2010 6:47 AM

I voted democrat because i don't have enough laughter in my life.

Posted by: wildman at April 22, 2010 6:53 AM

I voted democrat because Obama is the messiah and he needed my vote to get him in office.

Posted by: randolphd1200 at April 22, 2010 7:14 AM

I voted Democrat because I knew it would really piss off Glenn Beck.

Posted by: Viper at April 22, 2010 7:16 AM

I voted Democrat so that I wouldn't have to worry about paying my mortgage or putting gas in my car.

Posted by: juscogens at April 22, 2010 7:18 AM

I vote democrat because I think it's wrong for murderers and rapists to get the death penalty.
I also believe people have a right to kill their babies up to the point of where they pass through the birth canal.

Posted by: fish at April 22, 2010 7:18 AM


Posted by: ASHAMED TO SAY at April 22, 2010 7:44 AM

I voted Democrat because I don't really pay much attention to politics.

Posted by: fudge at April 22, 2010 8:27 AM

I voted Democrat because I am influenced by emotional concepts rather than logical ones.

Posted by: brad l at April 22, 2010 8:37 AM

I voted Democrat because being a conservative takes way too much initiative and responsibility. Now I can just rest....Thank yo Dems, you're the greatest. What day is it my check comes?

Posted by: J Cameroln at April 22, 2010 8:41 AM

I voted Democrate because I am a racist.

Posted by: Joe at April 22, 2010 9:01 AM

I voted democrat.
I am Retardicus.

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at April 22, 2010 9:13 AM

I voted democrat because I'm black, too, but 'dem tea partiers sure are racists!

Posted by: FriedChicken at April 22, 2010 9:15 AM

I voted Democrate because I liked the "Change you can believe in" slogan

Posted by: K White at April 22, 2010 9:23 AM

I voted Demokrat becauze, like, Ima kollege stoodent and, like, I dont wurk or pay takses butt I think evreebudy els shood and, like, becauze my professer sez I shood vote 4 Burock and, like, he sez the Constitooshun sez that frum eech akording to hiz billyteez and like, 2 eech akording to hiz neez, and like, well, like my name implize, Ima stoopid dumass.

Posted by: Ima Dumbass at April 22, 2010 9:43 AM

To Daphne and Eric, on those poor conservative living fools who somehow still pull that D level... Maybe, just maybe, not everyone fits into the tidy boxes that have been created by the political system.

I know it sounds crazy, but there are actually people who can be religious, or happily married, and still vote democrat! Just like, though you may not like to admit it, there are a wide spectrum of people who vote republican (from NYC business people to midwest farmers, to the modern Alex P Keatons who think it's cool to go red because their parents are blue.)

Long story short, stop getting sucked into the mentality that anyone who votes for a democrat fits a mold, or has a mental disorder. I would make the same plea to liberals, but I don't expect to find any reading this.

Posted by: Casey at April 22, 2010 9:48 AM

I voted Democrat because the mainstream media told me I hate George W. Bush.

Posted by: Lib at April 22, 2010 9:49 AM

I voted Democrat because the media makes them sound like the good guys.

Posted by: John at April 22, 2010 9:55 AM

I voted Democrat because I like to go out and recruit socialists, like the CEO of ACORN.

Posted by: Scott Factor at April 22, 2010 9:56 AM

I voted Democrat because... uh... I dunno...

Posted by: newton at April 22, 2010 10:14 AM

I voted democrat because it is my right to marry anything I want to.

Posted by: Just the Facts at April 22, 2010 10:14 AM

I voted democrat because I am too chicken-(scratch) to put the gun to my head and pull the trigger myself. This way I kill myself (and a lot of others) slowly.

Posted by: Ralph at April 22, 2010 10:28 AM

I voted 'D' cuz I'm fired to go, and ready to up, er, wait, no I'm ready to fire, and up to go, dammit, well, anyway 'D' comes before 'R' in the alphabet

Posted by: stranger in a strange land at April 22, 2010 10:28 AM

I voted Democrate because I am a lazy sloth that doesn't want to be forced to get up out of my lazyboy chair and go to work to be able to have food on my table. GIMME SOME OF THAT OBAMA MONEY!!! IM NEVER GOIN TO HAVE TO WORK AGAIN!!!

Posted by: ckh009 at April 22, 2010 10:30 AM

I voted democrat so my Mexican homies can get amnesty in order to be legal and qualify for all those welfare programs Obama will give us.

Posted by: Mexican Joe at April 22, 2010 10:53 AM

I voted democrat because I feel guilty for being born white.

Posted by: mephistopheles at April 22, 2010 11:05 AM

I voted Democrat because it is so much easier to vote once every two years than work every day!

Posted by: Shawn at April 22, 2010 11:36 AM

I voted democrat because nobody else was running for office.

Posted by: oldguy77 at April 22, 2010 12:03 PM

I voted Democrat because I never had before. I'm REAL sorry. PLEASE change it back. I'll be good from now on, I PROMISE!

Posted by: Track at April 22, 2010 12:11 PM

I voted democrat because I can't afford to go to Eurpoe so I will enjoy when Europe comes here.

Posted by: Mikeyd at April 22, 2010 12:30 PM

I voted Democrat because I realized I care more about family values than just telling other folks about them.

Posted by: Mikey at April 22, 2010 12:56 PM

I voted Democrat because I realized I'm not rich and I will never be if things remained the same and wanted someone who might at least OCCASIONALLY throw me a crumb.

Posted by: Tom at April 22, 2010 12:57 PM

I voted Democrat cause I don't much like tea.

Posted by: Buddy at April 22, 2010 1:22 PM

I voted Democrat because we have $100 trillion in debt and unfunded liabilities and are close to going bankrupt, so this is a great time to launch expensive new entitlement programs!

Posted by: Drew at April 22, 2010 1:50 PM

I voted democrat because I spent all my money and now have none so I want some of the money from the RICH

Posted by: big L at April 22, 2010 2:52 PM

I voted D because I wanted to find out how much my gov't actually cared about me and NOT merely the rich that bigL talks about above.

Posted by: Robert at April 22, 2010 3:03 PM

I voted Democrat?

Posted by: monkeyfan at April 22, 2010 3:04 PM

I voted dummycrat to get me some free healthcare

Posted by: mark at April 22, 2010 4:01 PM

I voted Democrat because that's what the TV told me to do. Thinking for yourself is too hard.

Posted by: Doofus Dem at April 22, 2010 4:33 PM

I voted Democrat because I am a scared of my own shadow and depend on the government to protect me from the scary world.

Posted by: sterling archer at April 22, 2010 7:05 PM

I voted Democrat because, in contradistinction to the Republicans, I don't think kids ought to go to bed hungry at night.

I voted Democrat because, in contradistinction to the Republicans, I'm not a racist.

I voted Democrat because I am morally superior.

Posted by: Western Chauvinist at April 22, 2010 8:46 PM

I voted Democrat because your stuff should become my stuff.

Posted by: ChesterDroors at April 23, 2010 2:44 AM

I voted democrat because I believe in true democracy. This rule of law thing gets in the way of my feelings and makes me feel really bad.

Posted by: Fred Barber at April 23, 2010 8:00 AM

I voted democrat because I want things to be the way I think they should be, regardless of the real consequences.

Posted by: Gomez at April 23, 2010 8:02 AM

I didn't vote cause I couldn't find a stupid reason worth voting for

Posted by: Bill at April 23, 2010 12:30 PM

democrats / republicans neither one gives a shit about THE PEOPLE i have NOT voted either party for years and i will NOT vote for either of these parties EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: yogi bear at April 23, 2010 5:48 PM

I voted Democrat because...

I wanted HOPE and CHANGE! I'm not really sure what Barack meant by that, but hey... It sounded good.

Posted by: Cynic at April 25, 2010 6:58 AM

i voted me sum democrat cuz muhteefa diamond jenkins sez we be gettin sum more in our monfly checks and wif my crediks all skank hoed up i be yuzing me sum mo obama bucks so i can pay my babies daddy bail and get my tooth fixed wif some free surance

Posted by: at April 25, 2010 10:20 AM

"..Americans will never vote for socialism unless
Socialists call themselves something else."

Norman Thomas - National
President, Socialist Party
of the United States, 1912

.... so they did.

Posted by: Combatvet at April 25, 2010 12:42 PM

I voted democrat because I enjoy auto-fellatio.

Posted by: Penelope at April 27, 2010 11:10 PM

I voted Democrat because the best candidates Republicans had to offer were an ancient, confused, out-of-touch waffler and a crazy, annoying, quits-halfway-through-her-term lunatic who's desperate for sound-bytes and can barely handle fourth grade geography (you can see WHAT from your house?!?!?). Seriously, I don't agree with everything Democrat, but if I made a sarcastic list about voting Republican, you better believe I could conjure up more than ten wise-ass stereotypes. Illegals get social security? Don't you have to have, oh I dunno, a Social Security number?!? Meaning you're not illegal?!? You're dumb.

Posted by: Gunnar at April 28, 2010 11:01 PM

I voted Democrat because I figured that I didn't need my money anyway. Heck, I was only going to hire more employees and give back more to my community anyway!

Posted by: Mister Darque at April 29, 2010 8:28 PM

I voted Democrat because "Gunnar" makes sooo much sense and I can't wait to get his newsletter with his 'I voted Republican because' list..

Posted by: monkeyfan at May 4, 2010 8:40 AM

I voted Republican because I believe that roads and infrastructure magically repair and replenish themselves.
I voted Republican because I see nothing wrong with over throwing an evil dictator...if he's got stuff we want.
I voted Republican because I want my country to remain 'American'..which means white.
I voted Republican because I believe the insane conspiracy theories of internet retards.
I voted Republican because even though AK-47's are almost exclusively used for crime, you never know when someone may actually use it to defend know, like in case 100 burglars show up at once.
I voted Republican to keep the government out of my government run VA Hospital and Medicare.
I voted Republican cause Sarah Palin uses words I don't have to look up.

Posted by: Rick at May 12, 2010 8:14 AM

I did make de bote to de demon-crat so I can has your free tings...


Posted by: Pedro the Gardner at May 21, 2010 4:14 PM

Return the country to the people. Oppressive, invasive, and controlling ardor of our federal government has subverted the will of the many in whose hands we have trusted with our most cherished and beloved country.


Posted by: Publius at May 21, 2010 4:26 PM

I voted dumbocrat cause I want what you have. But I sure as hell aint gonna work fer it.

Posted by: Barry O'mama at May 21, 2010 4:33 PM

I voted Democrat to keep the poor people in place by giving them handouts thereby removing motivation to make it on their own.

Dorkus the deomcrat

Posted by: Dorkus at May 21, 2010 4:41 PM

Ohmygod I loved this, I would so like the premission to repost it on my profile or as a spoof so all my conservative friends, (who haven't read it yet) will think intially I have lost my mind. This was great.

Posted by: Rachel at October 26, 2010 4:14 PM

you vote demecrat because you havent learned your leson yet.
demecrat is for big gov more gov controle and less help for small business
you vote demecrat dont bitch about the crashing economy

Posted by: bowlan at November 2, 2010 4:03 PM

i voted democrat because my favorite adult beverage is whine, gripe to be specific. There's koolaid for the kids.

Posted by: Jewel at November 2, 2010 5:28 PM

I voted Democrat because it's important to me that my elected representative loves Cuba & Castro--and conveniently lies about 'tea-baggers' spitting on him when he's about to vote for Obamacare.

Posted by: Dinah at November 3, 2010 6:49 AM

i voted democrat because i get to vote as many times as i want.

Posted by: tommy mc donnell at November 4, 2010 11:00 PM

My god, the collective IQ here must total at least 60.

Posted by: getta yob at November 5, 2010 6:08 AM

I voted democrat because I want to be allowed to get married to someone I love someday.

Posted by: at May 23, 2011 2:54 AM

I voted Democrat because I am a Marxist. By the way Gagad Bob,you need a history book. The Democrats passed the Jim Crow laws,the KKK was an off shoot of the Democratic party and the Democrats opposed the civil rights movement in the 60's. Which is the racist party?

Posted by: Jim at July 10, 2011 6:37 AM