Pelosi May Decline Air Force Flights Over Plane Issue
"I have said that I am happy to ride commercial if the plane they have doesn't go coast to coast,'' Pelosi said today.
Scene: Speaker Pelosi finally reaches the head of the security line.
"We're sorry, Mrs. Speaker, but you will have to put all those lotions in a plastic bag and limit them to the 2 oz Traveler size."
"Did you just buy that latte for $6.95 at the terminal Starbucks? Sorry, no piping hot beverages on board. Scalding can be used to take over the plane by blowing it under the cockpit door at high velocity."
"Don't forget to put your shoes, your computer, and staff members in separate trays."
"Oops, that was a really loud beep coming through. Just step in there and wait for the marshall to wand you, Mrs. Speaker."
"Yes, right there behind the morbidly obese 87 year old WWII veteran in the wheelchair. You have to keep your eyes on those white men with combat skills."
"What's that? Your consituents await you in San Francisco? Well, they will just have to wait because a terrorist and drug free America comes first. We're sure you agree. You do? Excellent."
"We regret to inform you that due to security delays that non-stop commercial flight to the west coast just left at 20% full. Don't worry,Mrs. Speaker, you can come back for the next one that leaves at 3:00 AM. And remember, try to arrive at the airport at least four hours before you hope to leave."
