Just When You've Regained Your Faith in Humanity, Satan Invents This

The "Sigorney:" When baby needs changing, you'll be the first to know!

"Uncle Gerard, at what point did the drowning of Western Civilization in an ocean of hellfire become inevitable?"

"Well, my boy, it is difficult to say. So many things strive daily for that honor and for a long time there seemed there was no bottom to our depravity. For a year now, I have held that it had to have been the wide adoption of purse dogs by ditzy women and Barney Frank. But I spoke too soon. For verily it is written that: 'When thou thinkest thou hath reached the bottom of the pit, that is when the bottom gets deeper.' "

"So it was not the teeny-tiny dogs in the purses yapping our from under armpits of neuters both female and male that signaled the End of Days?

"Alas, my son, it was not. I opined too soon as usual. I should have known that after Purse Dogs arrived, it was only a question of time before those white females who had decided, via whatever sperm donor could stand them, to try breeding not Chihuahuas but themselves. This rampant fad led quickly to .... the Peekaru Original Fleece Baby Carrier Cover. It was then that our damnation as a nation was assured. And verily we doth read in the Webpage of the Peekaru:

"Let a Peekaru Original simplify the process of getting out of the door. Wear your Peekaru over any baby carrier and you're ready for cooler weather. Add a coat and you're ready for winter. Whether it's a crisp fall evening walk, a winter carnival, or a springtime parade, the Peekaru will keep your baby toasty warm without the clutter."

"Verily doth my cranium seethe, Uncle Gerard, but when I surf over to enorb the hideous Peekaru we see above I find it not."

"True, that hideous image hath vanished into the vast bit-bucket in the sky, but only because it was hit so hard by the 'Deeply-Unsafe-for-Work' photoshoppers of the Web...

"I have confirmed that they've got an outer layer of protein polysaccharides. They've a funny habit of shedding their cells and replacing them with polarized fleece, which gives them a prolonged resistance to adverse environmental conditions." -- Source

... that it had to be killed. But killed too late. If only the same fate had happened to the inventor of the Peekaru before Satan's seed could bloom within her, all of us and all our works of a thousand years might have been saved. But, alas, it was not to be. Pass the bottle and click over to CSPAN. I want to watch The End in high-def."

Posted by Vanderleun at April 5, 2009 12:17 PM