August 26, 2003

A Bleat for Help: Massive Web Intervention for Lileks Necessary

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James Lileks in a Very Bad State of Mind

The Sensitive and Compassionate Bloggers of the United States of America ("SenComBlogUSA's") will recognize in James Lileks' latest Bleat a desperate cry for help. And we must, because we are Sensitive and Compassionate people, give it to him.

Yes, it is clearly a time for massive web intervention in order to save this living web treasure from himself.

The cause of his current "condition" is obvious: He needs to "spend more time with his family."

"The familyís been gone since Thursday, and today was the first day it actually seemed like they were gone; this must be what itís like when workaholics get fired and find out that the family they last remembered as a collection of vague faces around t he Christmas tree had actually moved away several years before. Explains why the laundry was piling up, I suppose."
Constant readers will know that Lileks is the uber-family man and any extended time spent away from the wife and the Gnat causes him to go slowly mental. I've been watching this process for several days and it is not a pretty sight. The degeneration is slow at first and then becomes increasingly frightening as the days drag on. The dishes pile up, the bed goes unmade, weeds sprout through the pavement at Jasperwood, the dog starves...

His condition is now peaking:

"Got to meet some charming people; spent the first part of the cruise hanging in the front with the popular kids. By the end of the ride I was tired and I had a jackhammer headache; shouting and standing in the sun and two vodka-tonics will do that to you."
Cruising aimlessly about. Seeking to hang with the popular. Sunstroke. Mysterious headaches. Alcohol. All the elements begin to add up, don't they?
"That night Hugh, Medved, [ .... ], the Giant Swede and the Crazy Uke came over for supper, and that was . . . well, it was just very cool. As the Uke said at one point, 'what happens in Minnesota stays in Minnesota.' "
Sigh. Strange companions such as radio talk show hosts, some dealer in strange meds, a bulky Swede, and another man so disturbed as to play the ukelele. All hunkering down at Jasperwood to, perhaps, indulge in alcohol and char slabs of meat over open flames before gnawing them down in large dripping gobbets. The mind shudders and the heart goes out to Lileks.

And then, in a single sentence, we see the collapse of a great mind:

"Yes, me an writer! And a gud one! The high point of the high point!

See what I mean? Iíve hit the wall."

If only he had "hit the wall," but no, no....
" That night I watched a movie, but halfway through I got the itch to sample the dialogue and make another MP3 out of it all. My sad gift to you."
I've sampled his gift and all I can say is that, whatever other talents this man has, he won't be getting signed by DefJam records any time soon.

I suppose, like other men afflicted with the temporary loss of their family, Lileks is blissfully unaware of his slide into dementia. Because of this it is up to the "SenComBlogUSA's" to leave their screens and small rooms across the United States, spread out, locate and return his family to him as quickly as possible.

Our choice is clear. We can either rescue James Lileks from his summer vacation or we can turn the page.

Remember: The Bleat you save could be your own.

Posted by Van der Leun at August 26, 2003 7:28 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

As is well known, Lileks rules, so if making tapes of old movie dialogue makes sense to him, who are we to naysay?

I have only one suggestion for him. He better get busy having another baby, because Gnat will be in school soon and then what will he do with all that free time?

If he's smart, and we know is very, he'll make sure she goes to private school or maybe he'll solve the what-to-do-after-the-kid-goes-to-school problem by home schooling.

That should be fodder for lots more Bleats. Needless to say, knowing there's a new Bleat M-F makes mornings a lot more pleasurable.

Posted by: erp at August 26, 2003 10:54 AM

Fabulous! Hope he reads this! VodkaPundit referred to this as a 'fisking' of sorts, but I think it is nothing more than a 'bleating'. How to parse out cries for help....

Posted by: Greg Hill at August 26, 2003 10:59 AM

Hey, some people labor in obscurity for years before they announce to the world that they suck. I've just cut to the chase!

Posted by: Lileks at August 26, 2003 11:46 AM

None of this would ever have happened if only James played...Fantasy Football!

Posted by: Damien at August 26, 2003 11:55 AM

Damien, I'd tell you to go to your room except for the fact you are probably already in your room.

Let Lileks be Lileks, say I.

And erp, if it were only 'old movie dialogue' that would be one thing. The fact of the matter is that it is more a classic case of "Just another white boy lost in the Flashmaster rap." If it keeps going it will require 'professional help.'

Posted by: Van der Leun at August 26, 2003 12:38 PM

Boswell, I believe you're on to something. I've been reading Lileks with growing dismay this week and now - thanks to you - it all makes sense. Hopefully the women in his life will make a quick return and all will be fine in Jasperwood cause this week has (sorry) sucked.

And yes, I too am concerned about the situtation when gnat goes to school - another baby just might be the solution. Maybe some emails to the Mrs. might help!!! ;-)

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