October 11, 2004

Teresa Heinz Kerry Signs Historic November to January Lease on Versailles II, France


Friends Forever. Forever Friends.

Pour La Release Immediateness

DATELINE VERSAILLES: One day after Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise visit to Iraq, les tout France from Paris Nord to Versailles came to a halt to honor the surprise visit of Mrs. Teresa Heinz Kerry to this sleepy Parisian suburb and former home of the Ancien Regime (AKA "Kings and Queens of France").

Arriving on the personal jet that is not owned by her but by her family, Mrs. Teresa Heinz Kerry (or Mrs. Teresa Kerry-Heinz as she prefers to be known in Europe), was quick to make her way to Versailles II in order to sign the lease for her and her husband's forthcoming R&R retreat now scheduled from November 3, 2004 to January 31, 2005.

Teresa's sudden appearance in France marked the first time she has been away from the Campaign for the Presidency of the United States of America since Saturday. "The strain is just enormous," she remarked," especially that of being away from my friends here in France for so long, but the proprieties must be observed especially during the final weeks of this, how do you say?, 'debacle'?"

After a suitable luncheon consisting of a light salad, une morsel de fromage blanc, and six courses of white and red wine, Mrs. Kerry-Heinz took a tour of the villa which heretofore had been referred to under the code name 'Martha's Vineyard East.'

"You have to say something to all those little people without enough sense to either vote for my husband or let their children gambol about naked," Mrs. Kerry-Heinz quipped to the French press corps who had all donned giant poodle and corgi costumes in her honor.

Head chef of the French tourism and villa rental bureau, M. Jacques Chirac, was on hand to witness the historic signing of the lease for the Kerry-Heinz's Versailles II.*** "With all this stylish and historic moment," M. Chirac stated, "The grandeur of France's ever-deepening relationship with the Democratic Party is illuminated once again. I am looking forward to many strolls and romps in the grounds of Versailles II with Teresa, as well as a number of private and tender interludes with her recently worn shoes."

Before being wheeled back aboard her plane, Mrs. Kerry-Heinz told the entire nation of Kerry Supporters-Extraordinaire, "Les etat, c'est moi. I'm excited to be here and even more excited by your sensible attitude towards oil and catsup. I count the moments until we can be together. Au revoir, Lafayette."

Le Backgrounder pour Le Presse International
***Versailles II is located 35 minutes northwest of Paris near Versailles. Designed by architect Francois Mansart around 1668 for Jean Dyel, the Comte d'Aufflay, Louis XIV's ambassador to Venice and finished around 1696 by his nephew Jules Hardouin-Mansart. One of the most significant historical chateaux in France, Versailles

II is at once both simple and sumptuous with the great octagonal salon in white and blue that has dessus-de-deportes by Boucher, the elegant dining room with the original 17th Century carved stone buffet, magnificent boiseries and the stone entry hall which completely exalts the classicism of the Period.

All of the eleven bedrooms, eleven full baths and three half baths were newly beautifully remodeled with limestone, antique mirrors and chandeliers. A Professional gourmet kitchen was completely remodeled in the year 2000 with all top of the line Hobart commercial appliances. Enjoy the sparkling pool and newly built tennis court. The state-of-the-art telephone system is accessible from room. There are many outbuildings including a spacious chapel and adjacent reception rooms, guest house, horse stable and greenhouse. The gardens by Le Notre spread out behind the chateau; in the central axis, the spectacular fountain that resembles the cascade at Louis XIV's Chateau Marly, surmounted by a Neptune from Saint Ouen.

There are two rectangular-shaped lakes on each side of the gardens. The 185-acres grounds provide privacy, serenity and numerous outdoor activities for the chateau. Jules Hardouin-Mansart and Le Notre designed Versailles at the same period of time. The magnificence and elegance in the smaller scale was evident in Versailles II.

Posted by Vanderleun at October 11, 2004 5:49 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Can't think of a better way to outsource the Kerrys, both of them.

Posted by: Connecticut Yankee at October 11, 2004 8:22 PM

Well, it can't happen to a nicer couple. I have some friends who will be leaving for Canada about the same time as Heinz and Kerry will be leaving for Versaille II. You think maybe they could go to France and stay with Heinz and Kerry? They'd really appreciate it and would be happy just to be two of the "little people" in their entourage.

"How nice." As we Southerners say.

Posted by: Coosa at October 11, 2004 8:43 PM

Of course, the name Versailles is also synonymous with Peace Treaties. Could she be making some sort of overyt hint regarding recent relatinos between the US and France .. and indeed, armed US involvement elsewhere in the world.

Posted by: stephenesque at October 12, 2004 6:28 AM

French people piss me off, and the Kerrys really piss me off. Now they're lashing out at Cheyney's poor kid for being lesbian. As if Kerry can make us forget who the real lesbo is, Hillary Clinton!

Posted by: Floyd Jackson at October 15, 2004 5:02 PM