January 13, 2006

Judge Roy Bean and Judge Crater Speak on Alito from Purgatory

Judges Bean, Crater, and Alito: "Revenge is a meal we eat cold."

"WELL, NOW, ME AND MY PAL JUDGE CRATER has been watching these damn fools in Washington blatherin' away and disrespectin' this here Judge Alito. We get it beamed in on CSPAN, it bein' the only two dmaned channels you get here in Purgatory. After all it is Purgatory.

So we wuz havin' ourselves a pull on the jug and a chaw and we got to agreeing that that thar The Economist magazine done got it half-right in The brainbox and the blowhards .

"Then me and Judge Crater gets to speculatin' on what we might be feelin' after a few days of having those sidewinders on the committee insinuatin' and insultin' and making our wimmenfolk to cry.

"Now me, bein' used to bein' the Law West O' the Pecos before I shuffled off that thar mortal coil, woulda just taken that Feinstein and that Kennedy out to the barn and strung 'em up in an old-fashioned necktie party, but Crater sez I'm just a mummified reprobate who don't have no more sense than a gnat's woody."

'You just get a hate on, Roy, and then you follow it down. You are much too impulsive and that is, no doubt, what blocked your rise to the Supreme Court during your time on Earth,' or so he sez.

"Okay, Yer Honor Brain Trust," sez me, "Just what would you do. You wouldn't let them yellarbellied polecats just walk out of that room to their mansions, their cushy offices, their poolboys and their crack hos in Prada thongs and Tiffanied tonsils, wud ya?"

"That, my charming Neanderthanl," Crater sez, "is precisely what I would do. Especially if, like this Alito fellow, I was sure to get the job. Tell me, Roy, have you ever heard the French Phrase, 'La revanche c'est une repas qui mange fois?' "

"I don't cotton to none of that Frog palaver," sez I

"It means that revenge is a meal we eat cold," Crater sez, "and you'd do well to think about that when you think not about what Alito said in the last few days, but what he can do in the next 30 years."

"Fer me," I sez, "Revenge is some hot lead that my tormentors have to eat fast."

"Follow me on this," Crater sez. "The object of this farce is not to get the boot in when these Senatorial fools are huffing and puffing in the hearing room. The object is to get on the bench at the Supreme Court. As liberals and conservatives have discovered to their dismay, Supreme Court Judges, once elevated, are not as predictable as they would like. This Alito fellow came across as mild and measured and likely to be as balanced as possible and to decide every case 'on its merits' .

"And while you may have to listen to these bloviators and their clones attack you, and lie about you, and denigrate you, and try to make you guilty by association to the standard 'crimes against liberal humanity,' it doesn't mean you have to forget all about it. Once you get the job, you've got decades of just sitting on the bench waiting for one or the other of their pet causes to come floating up into your reach. When that happens, it is the classic cold meal and it is time to dine on all seven courses."

"You mean that this Alito," sez I, "might just be taking names for a later kicking of the commodious backside of that Kennedy lush?"

"Oh, I don't think it will be a later kicking of some Kennedy ass, my dear Roy. I think these clowns in the Senate have just created a Supreme-Court-Judge-with-a-Bad Attitude. I think we're in for decades of ass-kickings. Numerous and multiple. All done with an eye towards the merits of the case, of course."

"Humm," I sez, ponderin' hard, "that thars probably a durn sight more painful to those choads than just stringin' 'em up or pumpin' them full o' hot lead. Still, I cain't help but think that shovin' a Bowie knife into that Kennedy's gut would be a sight more satisfyin'. "

"You wouldn't hit anything fatal, not even with a twelve inch blade. But you just keep thinking Roy, that's what you're good at. Pass the bottle."

Posted by Vanderleun at January 13, 2006 12:31 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

From your lips to God's ear!

Posted by: Charles at January 14, 2006 6:12 PM

Emilylou Harris and Natalie Maines are going to be MIGHTY PISSED when they see that they've been left off the harem fantasy distribution list, that's all I have to say. Oh, oh, wait, and could we please add the ACLU to the Craigslist of scruffazoid panderers?

Gerard, you have done it again. I laughed until my tummy hurt, then emailed this to every apologist passing themselves off as Politics or International Affairs Editors. It's so easy to write well with you around: link to American Digest, add short personal recommendation, hit send button. Pour more coffee and repeat.

Posted by: AskMom at January 19, 2006 6:33 PM

Sorry about this, the previous comment obviously belongs to Gerard's post about Osama bin Laden. Serves me right for trying type with a 9 month old grandson on my lap :)

Posted by: AskMom at January 19, 2006 8:17 PM