March 28, 2005

Why They've Got No Further Use for You

AS I WAS QUITE RUDELY REMINDED YESTERDAY, it is possible for people to dump you according to how you vote. Especially if you were once 'one of them.' I've been at some odds to understand this since that is certainly not my default state, but today I found this sensible explanation by a woman who has experienced the same thing. Unlike my emotional confusion about this phenomenon, she has the advantage of being a trained therapist: Condescension and leaving the political fold

Attacks. Name-calling: "imperialist," "colonialist"--and, in one rather memorable case, "Dan Quayle lover," although I certainly hadn't breathed a word about any passion for him. Many of my friends were noticeably cooler to me after these exchanges, and a couple of old friends actually severed our relationship (permanently, so far).

There are a host of reasons this happened, I suppose. But at the time I didn't see it coming, and it was extremely shocking and disturbing to me. But now that I've had some time to think about it, I think that I actually would have gotten a better response from them if I'd skipped the "I've always been a liberal Democrat" intro. Because there are few things more hated than an apostate, a turncoat, a traitor.

Someone who leaves the fold is much worse than someone who was never in it. There's a special rage reserved for those who have rejected the ideas that others hold dear. I don't think I ever said anything condescending to any of these people, but time and again I they told me I was being condescending.

But when I thought about it, I realized that this perception of condescension was inevitable and unavoidable. After all, I was saying "I used to believe 'A,' but now I believe 'B,'" and I was addressing people who continued to believe "A." Under the circumstances, how could they fail to see me as condescending, whether I was really conveying that attitude or not?

An angle I'd not considered which, added to the fact that your very presence reminds them of political realities they would choose to forget, explains a lot of otherwise inexplicable behavior.
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Elsewhere at the same site 'Neo-Neocon' is also conducting a longer analysis of what it means to change political horses in mid-life: A mind is a difficult thing to change: Part 3--Beginnings. Recommended.

Posted by Vanderleun at March 28, 2005 1:39 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Once, when discussing politics with my grown children, I explained my liberal convictions as a young man and how, at the time, I considered myself a liberal and gave examples of the causes I was interested in and my voting record. They listened in shocked silence, their mouths slightly open in apoplexic attention. Up to that conversation they had enjoyed (as did I) their ribbing of their conservative dad. Now, however, that I displayed a change of "flags", I couldn't have been as welcome as an English privateer would have been flying a French flag. Since that conversation, and some attempted followup conversations, communication on politics has been smothered. It's sad. But, perhaps, each generation has to learn on its own by making its own mistakes. That isn't comforting when you think of the lessons that need to be learned. Anyway, my experience was very similar and thought I should repond. You have a great website.

Posted by: Peter Hughes at March 28, 2005 4:57 PM

Glad you discovered neo-neo-con - she's great!

Posted by: Yehudit at March 28, 2005 5:49 PM

I second Yehudit. neo is a daily stop for me, and linked, as well.

Posted by: TmjUtah at March 28, 2005 8:04 PM

I’d not recognized this as a phenomenon until reading your post. I had this experience late last summer. After five months of believing the woman of my dreams had appeared in my life…poof. In a matter of 48 hours gone with nothing left but a rambling voice mail about my damaged spirit and our incompatibility due to my (sincere) misgivings about John Kerry’s abilities as commander-in-chief.

Fast forward five more months and my 26 year old daughter breaks up with her boyfriend of a year with the best line of all. (From him to her I proudly add) “You’re such a Republican.”

Posted by: brad at March 30, 2005 11:41 AM