May 14, 2008

The Perpetual Motion BS Generator: Democrat Propaganda for the 21st Century

Both Democrats and Republicans have long understood one of basic truths about the US: "In America, you never outgrow your need for bullshit." The difference is that the Republicans seem to want to apply that maxim to make profits and get rich, while the Democrats want to use it to obtain power to take away the profits from the rich -and everyone else - through taxes and regulations.

When it comes to making money, the Republicans utilize bullshit brilliantly. Advertising, Marketing, Point-of-Sale, Packaging, Sales Pitches -- all these vast oceans of bullshit are theirs to command and control. Then it all goes to hell.

Strangely, Republicans can't seem to extend their talent for creating, managing, and deploying bullshit into the political realm. For when it comes to making propaganda for the political arena in 2008, the Republicans are running so far behind the Democrats that they are faced with a critical --perhaps lethal -- "Bullshit Gap."

The strategic "Bullshit Gap" in our politics is most obvious when contrasting the small flakes of bullshit drifting down from the John McCain camp these days with the radiant rays of luminous bullshit currently bedazzling millions when projected through the lens of the greatest JFK impersonator since Vaughn Meader, Barack H. Obama. But the bullshit gap is even visible in the small towns of America, those areas bypassed by the large mercantile bullshit generators of our culture and hence starved for fresh bullshit of any kind.

Case in point:

This afternoon I happened to be walking around the very small town of Kennebunkport, Maine. It is a town that hosts at least one well-known family who live here, from time to time:


Yes, that's the Bush Family Compound on Walkers Point right outside of town. Just about as fortified a redoubt of the Republican Party as you could hope to find outside of Ronald Reagan's grave site in Simi Valley, California. In fact, the two of these sites pretty much bracket the country.

But all is not well in between. Less than a mile down the road from the Bush Compound, the Kennebunkport Democrats have their forward observation base. On those fortified walls gleams this proud plaque firing shot after shot of star-class bullshit across the bows of the Bushes:


For many, many years I wrote cover lines, ad copy, captions, pet copy, and many other assorted items for Penthouse Magazine. From this experience (which is seared, seared!, into my memory), I think I am more qualified than 99.99% of all the human beings that have ever lived to know pure, prime, steaming hot bullshit when I see it, and this sign delivers. As a former bullshit artist second to none, I know power bullshit when I see it, and I have to say this placard contains enough high-velocity bullshit to drop a charging rhino at fifty yards.

If you look closely you can see some shadows under the words "Pro-Family." That's because the high-velocity bullshit is printed on a sheet of plastic that is bolted to the background. That's what we call "sound economic planning" when it comes to bullshit distribution. It enables the "current approved bullshit" part of the sign to be removed and replaced with "new, improved bullshit" without having to redo the entire sign. This will come in very handy should the Kennebunkport Democrat Bullshit Committee decide that they need to work "Pro-Hope" and "Pro-Change" into the mantra.

Now you might think that this propaganda is excessively simple. And you'd be right. But in its simplicity lies its brilliance. The method is to appropriate all the hot-button words in the American experience and slap the prefix "pro" in front of each one. This is done lest the country come to the conclusion that the Democrat party is actually "Anti-Family." Can't have that even if the actual legislative track record suggests it. You see, it doesn't matter what the opposing party says as long as you can say you are "Pro-TheGoodThing." Lies service politics best when they are kept simple.

What you don't see in this slogan is the phrase "Pro-America." That would, of course, violate the standard Democrat concept "Lie globally, fib locally." And besides, if you actually come out and say you are "Pro-America," you imply you are not "Pro-Planet" and some of your financing dries up.

Of course, mere words do not -- in and of themselves -- convey the deepest and most caring bullshit currently being generated by the Democrats. To do that you need to add in a little bad and appropriated art slathered with goo. In this the facade of the Kennebunkport Democrats' building does not disappoint. Right underneath this brave bright banner of bullshit they've nailed up some art:


Ah, the Picassoesque dove of "Peace, Love & Understanding!" Who could possibly resist a wish for those things?

Lord knows, I can't. I wish for them every night. And then I wake up and read the news and thank the Lord for the Armed Forces of the United States of America. I know that it takes more than wishin' and hopin' to get peace, love and understanding happening on the planet Earth once it has degenerated into war, hate, and atrocity -- which is its wont. Once that happens the only thing that brings back peace, love and understanding starts with the Marines. Always has, and for the foreseeable future, always will. Still, it's comforting that the Kennebunkport Democrats are wishing it up in their chowder pots. I wish them God speed with that and their tatting.

At the same time, the bright blue banner -- with just a bare whiff of UNESCO in its looks -- underscores the big bouquet of bullshit up above. Let's review:

"Democrat: pro-Family, [With abortions on demand regardless of age, creed, color, or age just to make sure that "family" is our kind of family], pro-Justice [As long as we have control of Congress and can appoint the kind of Justices we approve of.], pro-Peace [Unless bad things are happening in Darfur and Burma and Kosovo and any place else that where America has no genuine national interest. Then send in the Marines... with bottled water and candy bars! And please don't hurt anybody.], pro-Environment [Wetlands not Homelands. You vill live like ze Native Americans in 1491 und you vill like it!], pro-Equality [ Whine and the world's yer oyster, kid! Have some more special privileges since those of the Party are always more equal than others.]"

As long as you don't really know what's happening in the real world, the Kennebunkport Democrats want to draft you quicker than the next Michael Jordan. If you don't like to get yourself dirty working with the world as it is, and you don't want to see anyone get ahead if it means even one crack-addled loser is left behind, and you think that there is no such thing as another human being on Earth that wants you dead just because you are an American, then the Democrats have what you need. All the bullshit you could ever want.

Don't get me wrong. There's a huge mountain of Republican bullshit in the land and it grows bigger every day. But it really isn't very good bullshit anymore. They might have to send abroad to import some fresh bullshit.

Not so with the Democrats. When it comes to high-quality bullshit, it's the one strategic reserve the Democrats will never grow short of. They won't even have to drill in ANWR for it. They'll just hold a meeting and harvest the residue. We may have reached peak oil in America, but we're a long, long way from peak bullshit.

Now if the Democrats could only figure out a way of getting into our gas tanks.

Posted by Vanderleun at May 14, 2008 6:51 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Why yes, high quality bullshit being gulped in great quantities by the Obamaninnies who don't really care what it tastes like as long as the pile is presented well on the plate.

Yes it tastes like pure shit but it wears a nice suit and has a terrific way of promising to taste like rose-petal cookies after the election.

Add a sprig of parsley and the lib dimwits will gulp the crap all day long, content to ignore the smell and taste just as long as the color is correct.

Posted by: Saint Patton at May 14, 2008 8:06 PM

"Once that happens the only thing that brings back peace, love and understanding starts with the Marines."

Beautiful. I may modify that for my own use, but you will get full credit when I do.

Posted by: TmjUtah at May 14, 2008 8:46 PM

Say hi to Maine for me :)

Posted by: askmom at May 14, 2008 8:54 PM

Hi, Maine!

Posted by: vanderleun at May 15, 2008 5:35 AM

Do you mean drilling for oil in ANWR? Or is Anbar located in Iraq?

Posted by: Wim de Vriend at May 15, 2008 8:24 AM

Good catch. Fixed it. Thanks.

Posted by: vanderleun at May 15, 2008 9:03 AM

The LIE another beautiful human trait.

Posted by: Jeffersonranch at May 15, 2008 2:42 PM

Brilliant and funny. I'd been noticing this effectiveness gap between Democrat and Republican BS. You nailed it.

Posted by: Cathy at May 15, 2008 2:56 PM

As a former Democrat, I feel like you peered, peered into my soul. Good job.

Posted by: Patrick in Toms River at May 15, 2008 7:28 PM

At least Democratic bullshit didn't cost 4000+ lives and 650 billion dollars, or make the entire West much more dangerous and less free for everyone.

Looked at like that, Republican BS is indeed more effective. Trouble is, it's effective for the enemy - the real one, not the one that Shrub invented.

Posted by: Fletcher Christian at May 16, 2008 2:19 AM

You really don't understand what makes it possible for you to keep living the life you live, do you?

Posted by: vanderleun at May 16, 2008 8:34 AM

Oh, Mr. Vanderleun, I do. However, running around like headless chickens for several hours on 9/11 and then unleashing the might of the US military on a country that had nothing to do with 9/11 - that wasn't it.

It is quite likely that the aftermath of that is going to make it impossible for me to live the life I've been living. In fact, it's already started; how much has oil gone up? How long does it take to get through airport security now? How long can someone be detained without charge in the UK now? (Hint - the time has quadrupled since 9/11.)

Posted by: Fletcher Christian at May 16, 2008 10:53 AM

I'm sorry, Mr. Christian, but I do not believe you have a clear sense of the protocols in place for the protection of the Executive following an attack upon the United States. Neither do you seem to have a grasp of the strategic necessities of obtaining and maintaining a base in the Middle East. Both of these are, I assure you, central to the interests of the United States.

And I must also say, in passing, that I am not at all concerned with the present and future policies of the United Kingdom as regards to people living within its borders.

Posted by: vanderleun at May 16, 2008 2:27 PM

Gerard, spoken like a good subject of the Empire. Actually, I don't have much problem with the idea of the American Imperium. Would it be too much to ask that the Imperium is at least competent? And for the Empire to admit that it is one?

The "protocols for the protection of the Executive" appear to consist of flying thousands of miles in random directions for no clearly-defined reason. When Bush was given the news of the events of 9/11, he looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Not very impressive - but given that Shrub doesn't know how to string two sentences together without the services of half a dozen speechwriters and an autocue, not much of a surprise, either.

Hmmm... An interesting statement. The current policies in the UK are a direct result of the utterly hamfisted handling, by the US Imperial Administration, of the crisis caused by the events of 9/11. What you seem to be saying is that you don't give a damn about loss of civil rights in a country that is a long-standing ally of the USA, caused by US policies. Is that typical of Americans? And does that indifference also extend to the loss of American citizens' civil rights caused by those same policies?

By the way, I am not aiming this diatribe entirely at Shrub. The pretenders to the Imperial Crown look even less impressive than he does.

Posted by: Fletcher Christian at May 16, 2008 7:11 PM

Gerard: Just to let you know it is great I have found you and your site once again. Trust you remember me. Keep writing as you do for it is a joy to read you. Best regards,

Posted by: Salim Mansur at May 18, 2008 9:16 AM

"Democratic bullshit didn't cost 4000+ lives and 650 billion dollars, or make the entire West much more dangerous and less free for everyone."

LOL. 5 or 6 Democrat BS talking points in a single sentence. Surely no Republican can outrun that amount of BS.

Democrat BS like Carter's foreign policy and Clinton's 'wall' of separation that kept us clueless about AQ's intentions madethings more dangerous. Deposing two of the worst govts in the worlds - the Taliban and Saddam Hussein's regime - have been beneficial to long-term peace and stability.

USA has spent $2.7 trillion in past year, or about $12 *trillion* in the past 5 years, so the cost of liberating Iraq from Saddam and making it a democratic nation free from Al Qaeda is not more than 5% of the Federal Govts expenses. We hear nary a peep from the leftists about the waste, boondoggles etc. from that other 95%. This is all about the desperate and failed attempts to (a) lose a war that is on its way to being won and (b) gain power through fear and demonization, which takes us back to the point of that article.

Attacking Bush over his response to 9/11, which was overall a far better response than previous administration reactions to earlier terrorist attacks, is nothing more than meaningless political posturing.

As for Iraq, Bush is blamed for a war where no WMDs were found, and yet prior to the war, Democrats from hillary Clinton to John kerry were insisting along with everyone else that they were there. So much for Bush keeping Clinton's CIA chief - a 'slam dunk' mistake. And Saddam's intent to develop WMDs was there. It's a typical 20/20 hindsight call. Yet it is the Democrats who want to lose the war unnecessarily now, evading completing plain facts such as - Al Qaeda has been in Iraq fighting, and that is where the war on terror is being waged, like it or not.

"When Bush was given the news of the events of 9/11, he looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights." On the contrary, the President was on top of the situation, gave a national address that evening and an historic speech 9 days later, and within days of 9/11 the genesis of the response, to take out the Taliban, took shape. Within 75 days, the taliban was out of power. You may want to get educated instead of sipping Michael Moore's swill.

"and then unleashing the might of the US military on a country that had nothing to do with 9/11 - "
The Taliban in Afghanistan had allowed Al Qaeda training camps. they had everything to do with 9/11, that is why Bush took them out. Saddam was a sponsor of terrorism for 2 decades with friendly contacts with AQ, so the 'nothing to do with 9/11' is simplistic talking points, not the whole story.

"It is quite likely that the aftermath of that is going to make it impossible for me to live the life I've been living."

What silliness ... are you an AQ terrorist? War on Terror cramping your style?

"In fact, it's already started; how much has oil gone up?"

The price of oil is up. The price of DRAMs and cellphones is down. American productivity is up. Unemployment is around 5%. Life is good in USA, so long as you dont have an 80 mile commute in an old cadillac or screwed up by buying zero down in Cali at the height of the housing bubble. Apparently only the facts that just happen to be on the DNC approved Bash-Bush-talking-point list seem to be of interest to you. I feel sorry for you and other lost souls who live on that planet where Bush screwed everything up, and do hope you all someday have a safe ride back to planet earth where things are much better.

"How long does it take to get through airport security now?"

"How long can someone be detained without charge in the UK now? (Hint - the time has quadrupled since 9/11.)"

Blame the terrorists or blame the Labor UK govt, the USA didnt decide that.

Posted by: Patrick at May 18, 2008 6:45 PM

Thank you, Patrick.

Posted by: vanderleun at May 19, 2008 6:39 AM

Very witty and dead on! Any who haven't drunk the democrat cool-aid can see what the liberal agenda has done to this country. Republican BS at least is put forth at face value and has delt Republicans and the conservative movement recent and deserved setbacks, sadly.

However, Democrat BS is a creeping undercurrent of stench that has been seeping into and mouldering in the cracks and crevices of the American experience for decades. Kind of a rancid smell that you get used to if you stay long enough in a roach infested greasy spoon. And..., it's funded with my money, money that I traded my time on Earth for. How do you suppose they managed that? Took some damn good bullshit to manage that I think.

Now, Democrat BS is truly is reaching critical mass, with the rise of Barack O-blah-blah, who's wife, pastor and friends can say anything, but who shall not be criticized or associated with him except when politically expedient. He is coddled by the media and given a pass on the issues. His adversaries are villified, made to look simple, or completely ignored by mainstream media - the purveyors of all bullshit that Marx would have approved of (you see the media are a bunch that don't have the ability or skills really produce anything but BS, that's why their liberal).

How sad for my children that they will have to live with the weeds and rot that grow from democratic bullshit. That sign on their headquarters should read, "Equal and shared misery for everyone, at the expense of those who pursue life, liberty and happiness outside the channels of government".

And yes democrats are responsible, through policy, incompetence and turning a blind eye to muslim extremism for this very debacle of a war, now turned occupation. But that's OK with mindless libs, because, at the time, it looked like that was politically expedient. Now they are trying to derail any good that may come from the US entering Iraq. After all it is just about power and bullshit.

Posted by: Mark at May 20, 2008 8:52 AM

I keep forgetting Obama has yet to provide credible documents of his birth, school records and life accomplishments. I keep forgetting Obama looked McCain in the eye, signed a contract agreeing to matching campaign funds, then changed his mind and accepted money from unions and lobbyists. I keep forgetting Democratic leaders preached Iraq defeatism from the floors of the House and Senate. I keep forgetting my taxes have increased astronomically via an unread stimulus package, a complicated 2010 budget and numerous bailouts with more to come. And I'm sure I'll keep forgetting what America used to be, what our Founding Fathers desired. A place free from oppressive government and central banks. A place where I can personally pursue freedom and liberty anyway I want. Now I'll just be another dark, drab European drone.

Posted by: Gary at February 28, 2009 10:45 AM

I just helped my elderly disabled housebound mother bring in her mail, and read the contents of the envelope from "PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA"
"Firstname, can I count on you?"
What crap! I am appalled! I looked up 'Organizing For America' online. An official arm of the Democrat propaganda/organizing/fundraising machine. ASTOUNDING!
Education is one of their top 3 issues-They want to make sure kids are ready for kindergarten. They want to start propagandizing them as soon as possible. I met a former public school teacher the other day- THE PARTY LINE IS NOW CURRICULUM!
WAKE UP AMERIANS! I can't believe there are so many ignorant/brainwashed people willing to put up with this avalanche of evil, tyrannical crap.


Posted by: steve gregory at September 23, 2009 1:31 PM

American should be more grateful than this shit they are shouting about.
What about people in the war torn area, or people that has no good road,water,medical system,schools, to complain about.
Problems with noise makers is that they critise without given any visible solution.
If i were an American,i will thank God for these blessings,and pray for a better nation.
God bless you

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