Is John McCain a spoiler? Could be.
It goes like this:
2004 - Kerry + McCain -- A squeaker but those 300 votes in Florida give Kerry-McCain the White House.
After joy compels him to drink the entire liquor supply of Boston, Ted Kennedy checks into AA.
2006 -- Kerry muscles through the "Arnold Amendment" which allows people not born in the United States to become President as a "memorial to the late body-building governor who should have known better than to try and bench press the California legislature."
2008 -- McCain dumped for a consistent bad attitude comparing the Kerry White House to the Hanoi Hilton, "with worse curtains."
Kerry names wife, Mozambique-born Teresa Heinz Kerry (née Maria Teresa Thierstein Simoes-Ferreira who has a habit of refering to herself as "African-American"), as his Running Mate -- Coast to coast coalition of Democrats, Hairdressers, Fashion Designers, Interior Decorators, blind African-Americans, and unemployed Howard Dean bloggers deliver a landslide.
2009 -- The Kerrys become the first Presidential Couple and promise to set the domestic agenda for the next thousand years on a whole new track.
Working as a team they push through the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Amendment, replacing it with the "What-the-Hell Amendment" legalizing marriage for everyone and everything American.
Ted Kennedy falls off wagon when his blonde Labrador rejects his proposal woofing, "Stick to your own kind."
2011 -- John Kerry, citing medical reasons brought on by years of heavy botox abuse, resigns as President leaving his wife as President of the United States.
President Teresa Heinz-Kerry immediately replaces all the White House window treatments with French fabrics, and appoints New York Senator Hillary Rodham-Clinton as Vice-President.
Clinton assumes office and divorces William Jefferson Clinton, citing irreconcilable genetic differences.
Bill joins Teddy nightly at a Cheers franchise they co-own in Hyannisport.
2012 -- Teresa Heinz Kerry names a divorced Hillary Rodham-Clinton as her Running Mate -- Sweeps 50 states and all possessions except Guantanamo Bay, Home of “The Few, The Proud, The Straight.”
2013 -- Teresa Heinz Kerry Divorces John Kerry with a generous settlement.
John seen hanging out with Bill and standing on Ted nightly at Hyannis Cheers.
2014 -- President Teresa Heinz-Kerry becomes Mrs. President Teresa Heinz-Kerry-Rodham-Clinton in a Rose Garden ceremony broadcast exclusively on MTV and Bravo.
World Leaders, confused as to what sort of gift to send to whom, demand Fab Five come out of retirement to remake their administrations.
2015 -- After signing a $30,000,000 blog-book contact for "What I Saw on My Private White House Webcams -- Illustrated,"John Kerry joins Judge Crater in early retirement.
Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy restock Cheers in Hyannis and convert it to a private club with two members and their dogs.
2016 -- Permanently confused American population mistakenly elects the entire House of Saud as President of the United States.
Ted Kennedy dies falling off bar stool in Cheers, Hyannis. Last words: "My work here is done."
Bill Clinton, feeling his pain, marries Kennedy's blonde lab in a private Provincetown Pound ceremony. Best man? John McCain.
2017 -- President His Royal Highness Abdul-al-Wussin retargets all US nuclear warheads onto American soil then boards Air Force One saying, “So long, thanks for the Fish. May I have the envelope, please? Allahu Akbar.”
Posted by Vanderleun at March 11, 2004 4:10 PM | TrackBack