Early morning television viewers were surprised to find their programs interrupted for an emergency announcement, during which the ashen-faced and possibly drug-fueled president spoke in rambling, frequently cryptic sentence fragments about "the sweet, sweet call to prayer," "dog-flavored shave ice," the merits of Titleist golf balls and, most puzzlingly, his declaration that "Mike is done pretending to be Michelle." He then told America to go (and we paraphrase here) fornicate itself, and capped his brief resignation with "Allah Akbar - I'm out of here, suckers!"
In a scene reminiscent of America's departure from Vietnam, Obama scrambled aboard a George Soros-owned helicopter hovering just about the White House roof. Newly appointed President Biden celebrated his unexpected promotion by rushing onto the White House balcony in his pajamas and firing a shotgun into the sky, before being tackled and disappearing under a pile of Secret Service agents. Sadly, the shotgun blast was thought to have done only minor damage to Mr. Obama's helicopter.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL - BREAKING NEWS BULLETINS!
Posted by gerardvanderleun at March 31, 2015 10:46 PMdream on, neo-conz. Bath-house Barry will serve a full and fruitful 2nd term. And then...I'm Ready for Lucrezia Borgia! uh, I mean...Hillary
Posted by: Haxo Angmark at April 1, 2015 3:25 AMNot for one second do i believe that after the man child would have fled like the scum that he is that the Secret Service would try to stop Uncle Joe from using Bammy Boys helicopter as a clay pigeon.
Posted by: kelvin at April 1, 2015 4:59 AMApril Fools ... And an ironic sense of humor!
Posted by: DeAnn at April 1, 2015 6:39 AMHussein is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake.
Posted by: Fat Man at April 1, 2015 7:10 AM"No reason to get excited," the thief he kindly spoke;
"there are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
But, you and I, we've been through that and this is not our fate;
Let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late." Dylan
Got to be one of the cruelest April Fools gags yet, and it messes up my reinstated Blue Angels/Hawaii revenge fantasy...
Posted by: Will at April 1, 2015 9:17 AMChasmatic for the win.
Posted by: Van der Leun at April 1, 2015 9:17 AMMike quit pretending to be Michelle....HAHAHA!!! MERCY!!!
Posted by: Snakepit Kansas at April 1, 2015 9:33 AM"TSA agents at a Miami airport, where the ex president and his family were leaving for Cuba, found what one agent called 'a bunch of weird stuff in the luggage.'"
Two dozen silver spoons wrapped in a package labeled, 'Ha ha, suckuz'
A six foot tall basketball set up marketed under the brand name, "Big Klutz Hoop de Doop."
A post card sent from Indonesia with the message, "I'll always remember those nights when you were greasy, and I was greasy, and, well, everyone was greasy."
I'd think better of the Manchurian if he were in fact dipping with a number of ladies. I tend to see that as disinformation.
Posted by: james wilson at April 1, 2015 11:57 AMJames. Hussein don't do with ladies. He on the low down. He likes to bottom.
Posted by: Fat Man at April 1, 2015 6:46 PMHe also on the down low.
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