Kerry and Al-Zawahiri Relax from the Stresses of Campaigning in Ketchum
Kerry Seeks to Lock Up Nomination and Presidency with Surprise Veep OfferingSun Mar 21, 4:58 PM ET
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By Simone Cameroon-Morman (Reuters)
Ketchum, Idaho (Reuters) - During an impromptu press conference at the foot of a Ketchum ski run that stunned both the US Media and the Pakistani Army, John Kerry revealed that his skiing partner for the day and choice for Vice-Presidential Running Mate was none other than Ayman Al-Zawahiri, the famed al-Quyeda “CEO” previously thought to be surrounded in the Afghanistan mountains.
Extending his promise to “take the fight to the Republicans and the other Brown Shirts of the Bushistas,” Kerry introduced the second most wanted man in the world as, “a tireless fighter against a corrupt and Godless administration that knows how to blow other candidates away both in real terms and with plastic explosives. Even better, he knows how to be #2.”
For his part, and speaking from within a fetching puce Land’s End Parka, Al-Zawahiri promised that from now on his goals and those of al-Quyada and Allah would be one with those of the Democratic Party. “Politics, says the Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) makes for some strange bedfellows, and that is certainly true about my little visit here with John and his sizzling little pancake of a wife. You might think it odd that I am throwing in my lot with these Americans, but it worked with the Socialists in Spain last week and so what’s a little hanky-panky when there’s a world to win.”
“While John and I may disagree about world domination, we’ve found plenty of common ground when it comes to hating the Republicans and George W. Bush. Besides, I showed him my receipts for the three $30 million suitcase nukes we bought in Russia last year after our first meeting in Gstaad and he was impressed. He promised to see things our way from the very first day we walked into the Oval Office. For my part, I promised to kill him last.”
Kerry interposed, “Yes, those little campaigning suitcase nukes promise to save America and the Democratic Party a lot of money. Our new Democratic platform, as of today, has only one plank: Either Bush resigns or the Democrats and al-Quyeda are prepared to do a little ballot stuffing of our own this time around. Prepare to see some suitcases ‘checked’ onto the Metroliner and onto MetroNorth along about the end of October. It’s a win-win all around for both the Democrats and Allah. Plus it will save American lives abroad and, especially, here at home."
When asked how Al-Zawahiri could become vice-president when the Constitution forbids the office to those who are not native-born Americans, Kerry nonchalantly referred to the French method of creating the French by simply declaring people French. “What do you think we have Ted Kennedy on board for, just to help us disposed of excess Vodka? I expect a proclamation in the Senate declaring this great spiritual leader of an oppressed people a natural-born American by the end of the month.”
Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, right, unveils photos of Demo Dream Team
-- Kerry, left, and al-Quyada #2 Ayman al-Zawahiri during the annual
St. Patrick's Day breakfast in Boston, Sunday, March 21, 2004.
