May 3, 2014

Firebase Cobra in Afghanistan: Americans with Beards Who Are Not Members of the Pussified Hipster Tribe

AN OPEN LETTER TO BEARDED HIPSTERS | The following is a blog entry from Nicki Daniels:

"Look, I get it. I really do. I understand the motivation behind your beardedness. In fact, I even pity you. Thousands of years of evolution priming you guys to kill stuff, and chase stuff, and fuck stuff….and now what? You’re stuck at a desk all day. No battles to fight. No wars to wage. So you assert your masculinity the only way you know how. You brew beer. You grow some hair on your face. I’ve seen you, hipsters, sitting in downtown eateries, with your rock chick girlfriends, dipping your truffle fries, trying not to get the aioli in your mustache. I’ve seen the quiet desperation in your eyes. I know you’re screaming into the void.
"But I still hate you for it. You’re confusing me. It’s now on me to suss out who is the real man and who is the poseur. Sadly, I fear most of you are the latter. Before this explosion of whiskers on trendy men everywhere, if I saw a bearded man it was safe to assume certain things about him. Like, he probably owned a hammer. Or washed his hair with a bar of Irish Spring. His beard was probably scented with motor oil and probably had remnants of last night’s chili in it."

Posted by gerardvanderleun at May 3, 2014 8:34 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

"It’s now on me to suss out who is the real man and who is the poseur."

As always, watch what he does. When it gets real does he race you for the exit, or does he hold it open and call for others to go?

When it gets real the place of honor is in either the rearguard or the vanguard; if he takes either of those places then he is a man. Even more so if as vanguard he waits and joins the rearguard.*

*Actually, that is sort of instinctive; one does not *think* about that, one just does.

Posted by: Mikey NTH at May 3, 2014 5:39 PM