November 27, 2014

Thanksgiving Options

Winner Most Disturbing Thanksgiving Graphic To Date Award

At the Thanksgiving table, when your friends and brain dead family members can't explain why they voted for Obama, give them this list. They can then pick a reason.

10. I voted for Obama because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

9. I voted for Obama because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

8. I voted for Obama because Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

7. I voted for Obama because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

6. I voted for Obama because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

5. I voted for Obama because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies through abortion so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

4. I voted for Obama because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

3. I voted for Obama because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as Obama sees fit.

2. I voted for Obama because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

1. I voted for Obama because my head is so firmly planted up my ass it's unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view, and since I will never have it extracted I don’t need to keep the doctor I like.

(Via email from MH)

Posted by gerardvanderleun at November 27, 2014 3:06 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.


Posted by: grace at November 27, 2013 4:39 AM

"I voted for Obama because I think that everyone should be compelled to live the same way I do, and I am absolutely positive that Obama approves of the way I do."

"I voted for Obama because the American people have too much freedom that they use to make too many stupid decisions."

Posted by: Donald Sensing at November 27, 2013 6:13 AM

Yes, those too.

Posted by: vanderleun at November 27, 2013 6:43 AM

You should have dispatchcocked the effing turkey, Mr. V. Dark meat's gonna be drier than the white meat.

Posted by: Jewel at November 27, 2013 7:26 AM

These read like poetry to this cranky old conservative's cold, dead heart. Have a great Thanksgiving, all.

Posted by: Richard at November 27, 2013 8:45 AM

I voted for John McCain under duress but I could have voted for Obama. Then I voted for Mitt Romney under even more duress and I may as well have voted for Obama for all the good it did.

My votes are undone by all who voted for the Santa Claus, the Chocolate Jesus, the giver of Iphone and health care to all the ghetto bastards and bitches.

Can you tell I am a little sore about it?

Posted by: sTevo at November 27, 2013 10:43 AM

I'm going to have to deal with a house full of Bamanoids tomorrow. I don't ever engage them in conversation or debate. I just go outside and catch a buzz when the silly gets too toxic. But I will keep that brilliant photoshop in mind when I'm serving them all the bird.


Posted by: jwm at November 27, 2013 11:27 AM

What is this---a David Lynch Thanksgiving? As soon as I saw that photo, I changed the menu to PB and J sandwiches. I may never eat turkey again.

Posted by: ahem at November 27, 2013 1:29 PM

Another: They voted for Obama because they know a 15 year old girl is a woman who can choose to go to Planned Parenthood for an abortion without parental knowledge or consent; but a 22 year old man who enlists and is killed in action is an exploited child victim. The girl's parents were almost certainly abusive and their feelings can be ignored, especially is they're conservative or religious. But the young man's parents are automatic saints with moral authority over the rest of us, so long as they espouse leftist ideas.

Posted by: at November 27, 2013 2:23 PM

That is a very disgusting and horrifying image.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at November 27, 2013 4:28 PM

None squeals so loudly as the LIEberal forced to live under the rules he demands for everyone else.

Posted by: ghostsniper at November 27, 2013 7:28 PM

Nauseated. No more turkey for me. Ever.

Posted by: Indiemex at November 27, 2013 9:28 PM

Behold the smoking hot Tiki god by way of Kenya. Bon appetit and pass the gravy. Don't forget to eat your peas.

Posted by: Nancy at November 28, 2013 3:30 PM