September 16, 2008

Hubby Speak: Jill Greenberg's First Dude Pumps Out the Facts

chimper2.jpgThis just in by a fellow who says he is the Jill Greenberg first dude. He blogs on a shiftkeyless computer at the environmentally correct Another Green World. There's a lot to cover at the link, but life is short and lunch is long, so I'll just try and chop out the worthy chunks.

some facts about jill's photo shoot of mccain and other miscellany for any and all who want to comment intelligently...
This is key since posts at Another Green World seems to run at a 0 comment count for years on end.
1. jill owns the images of mccain. the atlantic had a (very) short embargo, and only for the purposes of selling said images.
Noted. In fact she said as much at PDN while opening the sea-cocks and shooting holes in the boat of her career before setting fire to the engine room.

2. jill's photo is on the cover of the atlantic magazine. i know this. i'm looking at it. she was asked to do a shot. she delivered on time and on budget. as always.
We're not sure why anybody following this story would doubt this factoid, but this is the high point of Green's credibility.
3. amy frickin' dresser IS NOT JILL'S PHOTOSHOP PERSON!!!!!!!!! she worked for jill YEARS ago, and learned her style from jill. ferfuxsake. the next person who guesses that amy is the "real talent" gets a slapping with some kind of wet noodle.
"Noodle?" Ah, now we see the violence implicit in the Leftist mindset! "Frickin'?" What is this writing style, the bastard child of Norman Mailer and ee cummings?

As for this Amy person, well, okay. Lots of photogs pick up style from their employers, just as many employers shamelessly exploit the creativity of their employees and suck up the credit. Be that as it may, Greenberg's "style" in technical terms is pretty much a one trick pony. It has to be, otherwise how would people know they're blowing their money on a genuine "Greenberg." I would point out that overheated as it is, her style remains heavily derivative. As is her ambition and her judgment. Everybody in her end of the business these days is pretty much just a footnote to Avedon, but with all work coming in at a second intensity at best.

Overall, I see her as a kind of cute-rate Leibovitz, but without the passion, insight, charm, or ability to find focus even with the camera set to automatic. Let's not even get started on the abuse of the saturation setting....

4. john mccain is a very powerful man who may soon become even more powerful. he can send people to war where they die, he can change tax law, he can press nuclear buttons. jill greenberg is a citizen of this country and can't do any of that stuff. and while notionally john mccain works for her in that regard, in fact we seem to be slipping ever more towards fascism here where Dear Leader Must Not Be Questioned. taking the side of the powerful against the less powerful is the character trait of the sycophant. (also, LEAVE JOHN MCCAIN ALONE WAAAAAAAHHHHHH)
Note to self, 1) do not blog when under the influence of Bush/McCain/Palin Dementia syndrome, six bong hits, five grape jello shots, three quaaludes, and a whiff of ether; when engaging keyboard, put down the crack pipe first.

Note to Green, 1) Senator McCain is currently employed by the citizens of Arizona and I believe you are in Los Angeles, California with a condo in Riverside in your near future. Indeed, everything about your writing demonstrates this. 2) If Jill Greenberg were, in Bizarro World, to become a Senator, she could not, by herself, start wars, raise taxes, or press nuclear buttons. It just doesn't work that way. Even in Bizarro World. Citizens of all worlds find this something for which they are profoundly grateful.

Second note to self: "notionally." Have to remember not to ever employ that syntax. Or that word. Especially in the adverbial form.

5. jill has taken a significant chance of hurting her career in order to express her political beliefs. this used to be called courage. on strobist it is called "an opportunity for me to get a job that jill would have done." if there has ever been a bigger group of whiny opportunist yuppie-wanna-be bitches in history than non-working-photographers, please let me know where to find them. that i might kick them. nice solidarity, guys, but then you all underbid each other on a daily basis. stay classy.
First of all, I don't think the concept of "stay classy" is one you'd want to raise when discussing your wife's work. Class doesn't enter into it and you only damage yourself by reminding people. Second, I'd say that the chance of Jill's hurting her career and the always tenuous free-lance income stream into the Green/Greenberg household is more than "significant" -- I'd say that it will happen like the force of gravity. And in a down economy with magazines and movie studios and record companies cratering right and left, the chances even increase. Might have to cut back on the long vacations to Bali, but Laguna Beach is still within Prius range. As for "strobist" stuff... Well, this is just too much inside baseball for me.
6. i understand that part of being on strobist or such forums requires that you say "of course her lighting/photography/imagery sucks". i get it. it's the law. but, um, it makes you look like a bunch of jealous children.
Again, life to short to come up to speed on "strobist," but to paraphrase Casey Stengel, "It ain't unfair criticism if it's true."
7. the right wing in this country, or at least that portion of it that sends out e-mails en masse, simply cannot spell to save its life. it really is depressing. though oddly those e-mailers seem quite aware of how to spell "cunt" and "bitch". sexism is pretty much where they start: vitriol and death threats is where they end.
Humm, I seem to remember the C-Word being dropped into a McCain photo by the Sainted Jill, but we'll let that pass in deference to the obviously altered state of a loving husband. As for the mass emails, the lack of spell check... well, we all have our crosses to bear and offensive emails are why God made the "Delete" icon.
8. if michelle malkin, ann althouse, WND, Little Green Footballs, gerard "aware of all internet traditions" van den leun and strobist's publisher david hobby all hate you, you are obviously a good person.
I am sure I speak for all of us when I say that I am proud, DAMNED PROUD, to have had a part in your anointing with goodness. I know how important it is for people like you to tell themselves every day in every way, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me." Promise us all that you will never read Thomas Sowell's Vision of the Anointed so you can stay as sweet as you are, and as you reveal yourself to be on every posting on your blog.
9. any of those said right wingers who say "now i will vote for mccain, i was on the fence" are liars. like mccain and palin, lying seems to the main character trait of the far right.
You are certainly welcome to believe that in your Happy World. It is a common tenet of your religion and should you stop believing it you would quite literally have nothing left to believe. A man without faith is but a mere self of his former shell, so clutch that tatterdemalion tenet of unfaltering faith to your bosom like Cleopatra's asp.
10. if jill loses work because of this, so be it. it's a chance she's willing to take because she loves her country (she's an american citizen, she left canada when she was 2) and doesn't want to see it slide further into the abyss of neo-con stupidity. i support her in this, in all of this, 100%.
Well, you take the girl out of Canada, but you can't take the Canada out of the girl. We native Americans welcome Jill and hope that at some point she gets the point. Perhaps the next ten years of watching those impulse purchases and cutting back on the pedicures will have that effect. On the other hand, I'm sure you have plenty of friends in Hollywood that will pony up the dough for the crying children to make up the shortfall.
this post is necessarily not about the atlantic and the statements of their publisher, per the advice of counsel.
I'm glad you cleared that up, Mr. Green. Otherwise I might have thought it was all about you.

P.S. A word of advice. Do not show this reply to your wife. She may say that she detests me for it, but she will really detest you for making it happen. It will be written deep inside her mind on your permanent conduct record. All women are like that. Except for Sarah Palin, of course.

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Posted by Vanderleun at September 16, 2008 12:11 AM | TrackBack
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

A home run. That's gonna leave a mark.

Posted by: at September 16, 2008 1:38 AM

Uh oh...looks like you've got the little fella all riled up and ready to scrap!

This is like a cage match between a twerp with a popsicle stick and a man with a chainsaw.

Oh, and could somebody please give "first dude" a copy of Strunk and White ferfuxsake?

Posted by: Mumblix Grumph at September 16, 2008 2:35 AM

He literally won't understand what hit him.

(Kudos to anyone using tatterdemalion in a sentence these days!)

Posted by: Lucy Dashwood at September 16, 2008 5:37 AM

Thank you, as always for great, great posts and brilliant writing. Seriously, you are so well read and write so well it is astounding, you are a great gift to serious commentary, with outrageous humor.
Thanks again.

Posted by: tim bell at September 16, 2008 7:13 AM

This is only my second day of reading here at American Digest, but I am totally hearting this blog!

Posted by: SuzEQCitizen at September 16, 2008 7:42 AM

What is this writing style? you ask.

dialog = written as if spoken.

it is not in mla essay format.

most bloggers write as if they were talking to their readers, not writing to them.

Posted by: reliapundit at September 16, 2008 8:16 AM


Thankfully, we came up with a regular use of capitalization, punctuation and so on, to help capture the nuances of speech by making the 'invisible' visible.

Posted by: RiverC at September 16, 2008 1:20 PM

I think I know why the husband of Jill has a comment count of "O". I submitted the following comment yesterday to Another Green World and post-submission the response was that it would only be posted upon the moderator's approval.

If any of you are interested, here is what I wrote:


Just curious, husband-of-Jill, re:
her corporate client base on

Last I checked, this impressive list of sugar water purveyors, junk food manufacturers, alcoholic beverage sellers, and, well, Phillips Morris -- only the largest tobacco company in the United States -- aren't busy selling organic apples at farmer's markets.

As a self-proclaimed Liberal who tries to practice what I preach -- and who works for an advertising agency that refuses on principle to associate with alcohol and tobacco companies -- I sincerely am interested in your response as to how you and your family live with this contradiction when you wake up every day.

Posted by: JJG at September 16, 2008 10:33 PM

this post is necessarily not about the atlantic and the statements of their publisher, per the advice of counsel

So...the Atlantic's legal counsel has been in touch, have they? hope that doesn't cut into the revenue stream.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at September 17, 2008 7:34 AM
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