July 28, 2007

330 Things I Know About the Net

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I've been at this since 1987. Here's my list so far. What do you know?

1. THE NET IS THE ENTIRE KNOWN CYBERSPACE UNIVERSE, AND LIKE THE REAL UNIVERSE IS CONSTANTLY EXPANDING.

2. THE SIZE OF THE NET IS UNKNOWN.

3. THE NET IS JUST LIKE THE SOCIETY IT CONNECTS, ONLY LESS SO.

4. NOBODY OWNS THE NET.

5. THE NET HAS NO CENTER.

6. IF YOU INSIST THAT THE NET *MUST* HAVE A CENTER, LOOK IN CALIFORNIA.

7. INFORMATION ON ANY SUBJECT YOU CAN THINK OF, AND MILLIONS MORE YOU NEVER THOUGHT TO THINK OF, IS ON THE NET

8. ON THE NET ALL LAWS ARE LOCAL.

9. THE NET IS NOT FAIR.

10. THERE ARE NO FINAL LIMITS TO THE NET, ONLY REST STOPS.

11. THE NET IS A POSTOCRACY NOT A DEMOCRACY.

12. THE PRIMARY NEED THAT DRIVES THE NET IS THE NEED FOR AFFILIATION.

13. THE SECONDARY NEED THAT DRIVES THE NET IS THE NEED FOR ATTENTION.

14. "THE NET SEES CENSORSHIP AS SYSTEM DAMAGE AND ROUTES AROUND IT." -- JOHN GILMORE

15. YOU CAN'T KNOW THE WHOLE NET OVERNIGHT, OR EVEN OVER A DECADE.

16. THE SOCIETY OF THE NET IS TRIBAL.

17. "THE NET HAS NO MIND. IT BORROWS YOURS." -- THE UNKNOWN POSTER

18. ON THE NET YOU MEET PEOPLE FROM THE INSIDE OUT.

19. VIRTUAL APPEARANCES ARE ALWAYS DECEIVING.

20. THE ONLY BEHAVIOR YOU CAN CONTROL ONLINE IS YOUR OWN.

21. NO FEAR.

22. IF YOU DON'T HAVE SOME SOCIAL SKILLS, GET SOME.

23. READ BEFORE YOU RESPOND.

24. DON'T TICK OFF SYSTEM ADMINISTRATORS; THEY WILL GET THEIR REVENGE.

25. YOU CAN'T BREAK THE NET.

26. IT'S ALWAYS RUSH HOUR SOME WHERE ON THE NET.

27. YES, YOU CAN CONTACT CELEBRITIES ON THE NET BUT DON'T EXPECT AN ANSWER.

28. IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, KNOW WHERE THEY ARE AND WHAT THEY'RE DOING ON THE NET.

29. ALL NETWORKS GO DOWN.


30. HAVE A STRONG PASSWORD AND A WEAK PASSWORD AND KNOW WHERE TO USE THEM.

31. DON'T WRITE YOUR PASSWORD DOWN ANYWHERE.

32. CHANGE YOUR PASSWORDS FREQUENTLY.

33. A PASSWORD SHOULD BE STORED IN ONLY TWO PLACES: YOUR HEAD AND THE HOST COMPUTER.

34. WORDS ARE NOT SECURE PASSWORDS, NOR ARE WORDS SPELLED BACKWARDS.

35. ANYTHING YOU SAY, WRITE OR DO ON THE NET MAY BE TAKEN DOWN AND USED AGAINST YOU.

36. NEVER POST THE PRIVATE INFORMATION OF OTHERS, SUCH AS YOUR EX-SPOUSE'S AGE, PHONE NUMBER AND REVISED SEXUAL PREFERENCE.

37. ON THE NET NOTHING IS EVERY REALLY PRIVATE.

38. DON'T LEAVE YOUR COMPUTER UNATTENDED IN AN ACCESSIBLE PLACE IF YOU ARE LOGGED ON.

39. IN CYBERSPACE, *YOU* CANNOT FORCE *ME* TO DO ANYTHING.

40. ON THE NET, CRITICISM CAN ALTER BEHAVIOR WHILE FLAMES CAN HARDEN IT.

41. DOWNLOADED AND PREPAID SOFTWARE IS SELDOM RETURNABLE.

42. POWER ON THE NET IS NOT TAKEN, BUT GRANTED.

43. YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN GROUP OF FANS ON THE NET, BUT DON'T BE SURPRISED IF THEY NUMBER LESS THAN ONE.

44. YOU OWN YOUR OWN WORDS, AND WILL, SOONER OR LATER, BE ASKED TO OWN UP TO THEM.

45. IF YOU ARE INVITED TO A FLAME WAR WEAR ASBESTOS UNDERWEAR.

46. BE VERY CAREFUL ABOUT BUYING ANYTHING ON THE NET.

47. IN CYBERSPACE, NOBODY KNOWS YOU'RE A DOG.

48. CHARACTER IS CENTRAL AND ALWAYS VISIBLE.

49. IF YOU THINK YOU ARE IN A VIRTUAL COMMUNITY, YOU PROBABLY ARE.

50. REC.HUMOR.FUNNY ISN'T. ALT.SEX.SHEEP ISN'T ABOUT CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE OVINE KIND.

51. CREDIBILITY, OVER TIME, ALWAYS INCREASES YOUR NET WORTH.

52. NOT EVERYONE ON THE NET IS YOUR FRIEND, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T TALK TO THEM.

53. TAKE A BREAK FROM BEING ONLINE EVERY HOUR.

54. CONTROL YOUR WHAT YOU SAVE. ONE HUNDRED MEGABYTES CAN TAKE TEN MINUTES TO DOWNLOAD AND A DAY TO PRINT.

55. OTHER PEOPLE ON THE NET CAN BE YOUR BEST SEARCH TOOL.

56. CONCENTRATE ON TOOL USE RATHER THAN THE TOOLS THEMSELVES.

57. NEVER STORE REALLY SENSITIVE MATERIAL ON A COMPUTER NETWORK.

58. CLEAN UP YOUR HOME DIRECTORY REGULARLY.

59. RTDOM! -- READ THE DAMN ONLINE MANUAL!

60. RUN VIRUS CHECKING PROGRAMS ON ALL DOWNLOADED SOFTWARE.

61. THE ONLY CONSTANT AND DEPENDABLE AREA OF AGREEMENT ON THE NET IS BETWEEN THE COMPUTERS. AND EVEN *THEY* DON'T ALWAYS AGREE.

62. BE YOUR OWN CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS.

63. ASK. PEOPLE KNOW.

64. ANSWER IF YOU KNOW.

65. UNDERSTAND AND PRACTICE THE DOCTRINE OF FAIR USE.

66. HOSING IS NEVER CONVENIENT

67. IF DOWNLOADING A FILE IS GOING TO GIVE YOU ENOUGH SPARE TIME TO WEAVE AN IRANIAN PRAYER RUG FORGET IT.

68. GIVE HELP TO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM GIVE HELP TO YOU.

69. YOU ARE YOUR POSTINGS.

70. OVER TIME, PEOPLE ALWAYS REVEAL MORE THAN THEY INTEND TO REVEAL ON THE NET.

71. YOUR WORDS CAN'T HIDE YOU FOREVER. IN FACT, THEY CAN'T HIDE YOU AT ALL.

72. "YOU OWN YOUR OWN WORDS."

73. EVERYONE TRAVELING IN CYBERSPACE HAS BAGGAGE.

74. TRANSMITTERS CHOOSE WHAT TO TRANSMIT. RECEIVERS CHOOSE WHAT TO RECEIVE.

75. BEWARE OF MAILING LISTS.

76. CHOOSE YOUR FOUR-LETTER WORDS CAREFULLY.

77. IF YOU MUST CURSE, BE COLORFUL.

78. OUTSIDE OF CHAT, YOU CAN'T INTERRUPT.

79. DON'T LURK. CONTRIBUTE.

80. "ON THE NET EVERYTHING IS FORGOTTEN (AND HENCE REPEATED) ABOUT 100 RESPONSES DOWN THE THREAD." -- CLIFF FIGALLO

81. STRIP THE HEADERS WHEN MAILING OR POSTING.

82. THE BEST TEACHING IS ALWAYS IN STORY.

83. "IF THE FIRST TWO SCREENS OF A MESSAGE CONSIST OF QUOTED MATERIAL, SKIP IT." -- RITA ROUVALIS

84. OUT THE NET POLICE.

85. RECOGNIZE THAT *YOU* ARE THE NET POLICE.

86. USE THE TWO LITTLE MAGIC WORDS WHEN ASKING AND WHEN RECEIVING AN ANSWER.

87. TOOLS NOT RULES.

88. USERS RESIST READING MANUALS NO MATTER HOW ATTRACTIVE OR SIMPLE THEY ARE.

89. LEARN HOW TO LOOK.

90. SAVE EARLY. SAFE OFTEN.

91. TEST YOUR SKILLS IN THE TESTING PLACES.

92. DELETE DUMB SOFTWARE.

93. OPT FOR SPEED OVER EASE OF USE.

94. MAKE ALL PARTS OF YOUR CONNECTION AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

95. LEARN PUBLIC KEY ENCRYPTION.

96. ASCII ENDURES.

97. DO YOUR BACK UPS.

98. IF SOMETHING IS NOT GETTING THROUGH OR NOT HAPPENING, THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD DO IS CHECK YOUR SPELLING.

99. JUSTIFY YOUR THOUGHTS, NOT YOUR LINES.

100. LEARN A LITTLE UNIX.

101. TURN OFF THE %!@$#!! SMARTQUOTES!

102. DIGITIZED TOOLS RESIST CONTAINMENT.

103. RULES REDUCE PARTICIPATION.

104. THE MORE OPEN A SYSTEM OR DISCUSSION GROUP ,I.E. THE MORE RULELESS IT IS, THE MORE INHERENTLY UNRULY SOME OF THE PARTICIPANTS ARE LIKELY TO BE. THE MORE CLOSED A SYSTEM, I.E. THE MORE RULE BOUND (WITH REAL ENFORCEMENT) THE LESS LIKELY UNRULY BEHAVIOR, BUT ALSO THE SMALLER THE NUMBER OF CONTINUING PARTICIPANTS.

105. THE FASTEST TYPERS ARE THE BIGGEST TALKERS.

106. SAY IT IN SEVEN, GO TO HEAVEN. SAY IT IN EIGHT AND IT WON'T BE GREAT.

107. THE BEST POSTINGS ARE LIVELY, LOOSE AND CONVERSATIONAL.

108. GET LOOSE.

109. WHEN IT DOUBT, OPT FOR FLAIR.

110. FIRE AND FORGET.

111. VENT BUT DON'T DISTRIBUTE.

112. NEVER USE THE ROYAL WE.

113. PEOPLE WHO WRITE IN THE THIRD PERSON ON THE NET ARE WIDELY AND CORRECTLY ASSUMED TO HAVE PERSONALITY DISORDERS.

114. ESCHEW OBFUSCATION.

115. BETTER LINES THAT ARE FIVE WORDS TOO SHORT THAN LINES THAT ARE ONE LETTER TOO LONG.

116. SINGLE SPACE.

117. HAVE A POINT AND GET TO IT.

118. DON'T BOTHER TO POST YOUR AGREEMENT IF ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS "I AGREE".

119. DON'T SAY I DISAGREE UNLESS YOU SAY WHY.

120. ALWAYS LOG OFF PROPERLY.

121. AVOID HAVING A DIFFICULT HANDLE.

122. TRY TO SPELL CORRECTLY, BUT DON'T FLAME SPELLING ERRORS.

123. KNOW WHEN TO POST AND KNOW WHEN TO EMAIL

124. OMIT NEEDLESS QUOTES.

125. HAVE A POINT OF VIEW.

126. USE AN EMOTICON, GO TO YOUR ROOM.

127. USE , JUST SHOOT YOURSELF, OK?

128. AOA: AVOID OBSCURE ACRONYMS.

129. NO MORE THAN A THIRD OF A SCREEN SHOULD BE QUOTED MATERIAL, EVER.

130. QUOTE AS YOU WOULD BE QUOTED FROM.

131. JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO AN OPINION DOESN'T MEAN IT SHOULD BE YOUR OPINION.

132. LOCAL COLOR DOESN'T TRANSLATE GLOBALLY.

133. PLEASE TO SPEAK AND WRITE IN ENGLISH PLAIN.

134. IF YOUR POST MIGHT RUIN SOMEONE'S FUN, PUT THE WORD "SPOILER" IN THE SUBJECT LINE.

135. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A BAD WORD, ONLY WORDS THAT ARE BADLY USED.

136. ON THE NET THE STUDY OF RHETORIC IS MORE USEFUL THAN THE STUDY OF WRITING STYLE.

137. YOU'VE GOT TO SEND MAIL TO GET MAIL IN THE BEGINNING, BUT AFTER AWHILE YOU WILL GET MUCH MORE MAIL THAN YOU SEND.

138. EMAIL IS NOT ALWAYS INSTANTANEOUS, BUT THE SEND COMMAND IS.

139. EMAIL DOES NOT ALWAYS ARRIVE.

140. EMAIL, WHEN UNPROTECTED, IS NOT SECURE.

141. EMAIL, WHEN PROTECTED, IS FAIRLY SECURE.

142. EMAIL IS EASILY MISUNDERSTOOD.

143. EMAIL IS NOT A SYNCHRONIZED MEDIUM.

144. EMAIL CAN BE JUNKMAIL.

145. EMAIL ENDURES.

146. EMAIL PROGRAMS USUALLY ASK YOU IF YOU ARE SURE YOU WANT TO SEND THE MESSAGE. THIS IS FOR A REASON.

147. MANY SYSOPS READ MAIL AND USER'S FILES, BUT NONE ADMITS IT.

148. EMAIL AMPLIFIES EMOTIONS

149. EMAIL IS TOO EASY.

150. BE AWARE THAT COMMON NAMES OFTEN GET OTHER'S EMAIL.

151. UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE DOING WHEN YOU SEND ATTACHED DOCUMENTS TO A MAILING LIST.

152. NEVER LET OTHER PEOPLE SEE YOUR EMAIL BEFORE YOU DO.

153. HALF OF ALL EMAIL IS ANSWERED WITHIN A DAY.

154. EMAIL CAN BE FORGED.

155. EMAIL IS PRIVATE BUT NOT SECRET.

156. POST ALL CHAIN LETTERS TO DEV/NULL

157. THAT FLIRTING NOTE YOU SENT THE NIGHT BEFORE WILL IN YOU BOSS' EMAIL BY THIS AFTERNOON.

158. YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS IS JUST LIKE YOUR REAL WORLD ADDRESS, EXCEPT IT IS HORIZONTAL.

159. WHEN IN DOUBT ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT AN IMPORTANT EMAIL MESSAGE HAS BEEN RECEIVED, PICK UP THE PHONE.

160. IF A MESSAGE REALLY NEEDS TO GET THROUGH QUICKLY AND YOU REALLY NEED TO BE ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY SURE IT GOT THERE, USE THE TELEPHONE.

161. DON'T FEED RANTERS.

162. JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS PASSIONATE DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE HOSTILE.

163. DON'T EMPOWER TOPIC DRIFT.

164. PUTTING YOUR OAR IN-BETWEEN TWO TOPIC DRIFTERS RARELY GETS THINGS BACK ON COURSE.

165. IF IT IS INTERESTING ENOUGH TO CAUSE SERIOUS DRIFT, IT IS INTERESTING ENOUGH TO START A NEW TOPIC.

166. NEVER ASK THE NET WHICH COMPUTER IS THE *BEST* COMPUTER.

167. BEFORE POSTING IN AN ONLINE DISCUSSION GROUP FOR THE FIRST TIME, YOU WILL READ ANY FAQ FILES FIRST.

168. IF YOU ARE DISGUSTED BY A "DISGUSTING" JOKE IN A TOPIC CALLED "REALLY DISGUSTING JOKES", YOU HAVE ONLY YOURSELF TO BLAME.

169. IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR CONSTANT CONSENSUS, JOIN A CULT.

170. ALWAYS WEAR YOUR SURGE PROTECTOR.

171. LURK BEFORE YOU LEAP.

172. WE DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE COMING OR GOING.

173. DON'T ASSIGN MOTIVES LIGHTLY.

174. MESSAGES TELLING YOU TO TAKE IT TO EMAIL MAY BE ONTO SOMETHING.

175. ISSUES ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN PERSONALITIES, BUT PERSONALITIES ARE USUALLY MORE INTERESTING.

176. YOU OWN YOUR OWN BROADCASTING STATION BUT OTHERS OWN THEIR RECEIVERS.

177. ON THE NET THERE'S A PLACE FOR EVERY POST AND EVERY POST IN ITS PLACE.

178. DON'T GIVE THE WORLD HEADLINES IN DISCUSSION GROUPS.

179. DISCUSS, DEBATE, PREEN OR COLLABORATE. YOU DECIDE.

180. MOST SYSTEMS WILL ASK TWICE BEFORE LETTING YOU POST. THIS IS FOR A REASON.

181. IF YOU'RE A FASCIST HIDE THE FACT OR INURE YOURSELF TO DISAPPOINTMENT.

182. RECOGNIZE PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO INPUT PORT.

183. THE PHRASE "THIS IS NOT A CRITICISM." USUALLY PREFACES SOMETHING PASSIVELY DEVASTATING.

184. IN HEATED DISCUSSIONS PEOPLE WILL MAKE EXAGGERATED CLAIMS ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF EMAIL SUPPORT THEY HAVE RECEIVED FOR THEIR VIEWS.

185. LEARN TO APOLOGIZE GRACEFULLY.

186. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT DOGS DON'T UNDERSTAND JOKES.

187. A SMILEY CAN BE THE LAST REFUGE OF A CAD.

188. LEARN TO SAY WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN PROVED WRONG.

189. ONLY QUOTE APPROPRIATE PARTS OF A MESSAGE WHEN REPLYING.

190. "KNOW WHEN TO HOLD. KNOW WHEN TO FOLD..."

191. HARSH WORDS ARE GIVEN SLACK IF THE ARGUMENT IS SOUND.

192. NOISE EQUAL EMOTION. SIGNAL EQUALS INFORMATION. MIX THEM IN THEIR PROPER PROPORTIONS.

193. IF YOU'RE GOING TO BEAT A DEAD HORSE, CARVE A NEW CLUB.

194. IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION THAN TO WIN POINTS.

195. AGREEMENT IS ASSUMED.

196. IF IT'S LONG, SAY SO AT THE BEGINNING.

197. MAKE QUOTES OBVIOUS.

198. ONCE IT'S ON THE NET, YOU CAN'T CONTROL PROPAGATION.

199. **** THINK BEFORE ENGAGING THE KEYBOARD ****

200. IF YOU MEET THE BOZO ON THE NET, IGNORE HIM.

201. "EVERYBODY'S TRYING TO GET YOU DOWN IN THE HOLE THAT THEY'RE IN." -- BOB DYLAN

202. BLANK POSTS SIGNIFY SILENCE.

203. DON'T BE AFRAID TO GET ROWDY.

204. BREVITY IS APPRECIATED BUT NOT MANDATED.

205. A GOOD JOKE TRUMPS A BAD TRUTH.

206. IF YOU HAVE NO FACTS, TRY PROOF BY RIGOROUS ASSERTION REPEATED AD INFINITUM.

207. NOT EVERYONE IS LOOKING FOR AN ARGUMENT. SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST SPEAKING THEIR MINDS.

208. NEVER INVEST IN A MONEY-MAKING SCHEME POSTED IN ANY OTHER ONLINE GROUP OR SERVICE.

209. NEWBIES ARE NOT NECESSARILY CLUELESS AND THE CLUELESS ARE NOT NECESSARILY NEWBIES.

210. TALK ABOUT ISSUES; NOT PERSONALITIES. UNLESS ITS BORING OR YOU'RE BEING PROVED WRONG. THEN FIRE AWAY.

211. WEAR A THICK SKIN, BUT DON'T BUTTON IT ALL THE WAY UP.

212. EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OPINION, BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEM RIGHT.

213. BEWARE THE PHONY SENSITIVITY OF MANY POSTERS.

214. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION OR GENDER AT WILL.

215. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.

216. IF YOU ONLY CONNECT WITH PEOPLE ONLINE, HOW THEY ARE OFF-LINE IS IRRELEVANT.

217. PEOPLE ARE NOT THEIR NET PERSONAE.

218. USE AS MUCH CAUTION IN MEETING PEOPLE ONLINE AS YOU WOULD MEETING PEOPLE ON THE STREET.

219. "AD HOMINEM ARGUMENTS ARE NOT NECESSARILY INSULTS. INSULTS ARE NOT NECESSARILY AD HOMINEM ARGUMENTS." -- ROBERT ROSSNEY

220. THE SIMPLEST SYSTEM IS NEVER THE BEST SYSTEM.

221. POSTING EMAIL MAY SOMETIMES SEEM LIKE THE RIGHT THING. IT WILL SOMETIMES BE THE RIGHT THING. IT WILL NEVER BE A GOOD IDEA.

222. NETSEX IS THE ULTIMATE SAFE SEX.

223. LIST FIRST, GROUP LATER.

224. CUT SLACK AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SLACK CUT.

225. NET PEOPLE ARE NEVER STUPID, ONLY MISINFORMED OR CONFUSED.

226. SEEK UNDERSTANDING INSTEAD OF AGREEMENT.

227. NO WHINING.

228. THERE'S NO SHORTAGE OF CONTENT ON THE NET, BUT THERE'S A SEVERE SHORTAGE OF CLUES.

229. IF YOU'RE FROM AOL, TELL THEM GROUCHO SENT YOU.

230. JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE "PAYING FOR IT" DOESN'T MEAN YOU OWN IT.

231. KEEP A WEATHER EYE POSTED FOR TROLLING.

232. 83% OF THE NET IS *NOT* MADE UP OF PORNOGRAPHY.

233. VIRTUALITY IS NOT REALITY. COMMUNICATION IS NOT BEING THERE.

234. TRY NOT TO TAKE THE NET PERSONALLY. WELL, TRY.

235. ONLINE IS NOT ABOUT "BUYING FROM", BUT "CONNECTING TO".

236. HITS ARE NOT VISITS ANY MORE THAN YOU CAN READ A BOOK BY LOOKING AT THE COVER.

237. FLAME WARS ARE GOOD FOR BUSINESS.

238. LEARN BASIC HTML.

239. LINK AT WILL.

240. DON'T MAKE YOUR HOME PAGE ONLY A PICTURE -- EVEN ONE OF YOUR DOG.

241. WATCH OUT FOR CORPORATE WEB SITES THAT POLLUTE THE NET.

242. "PEOPLE ON THE NET ARE NOT KNOWN FOR THE SIZE OF THEIR WARDROBES." -- THE UNKNOWN POSTER


243. SLOW KILLS.

244. WEB SPEED WILL BE TOO SLOW UNTIL IT BECOMES AS FAST AS TELEVISION.

245. CUT TO THE TEXT.

246. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE PART OF A VIRTUAL COMMUNITY, THERE'S A CORPORATE WEB SITE THAT WANTS TO REACH OUT AND TOUCH YOU.

247. CORPORATE WEB SITES WORK BEST AS FLAGPOLES OR CEMETERIES.

248. SLEEK SITES STOKE. SLICK SITES SUCK.

249. SWIFT SITES STOKE. SLOW SITES SUCK.

250. IF A WEB SITE HAS NO FEEDBACK MECHANISM, FORGET IT.

251. NONNET BUSINESSES MOVING ONTO THE NET WILL SPEND MUCH MORE AND MAKE MUCH LESS THAN INITIALLY ENVISIONED.

252. REVENUES FROM THE WEB WILL ALWAYS BE AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE LESS THAN PROJECTED.

253. AVOID INFO CLUTTER.

254. THE MENTAL AGE OF THE AVERAGE WEB SURFER IS CURRENTLY 15 YEARS. THIS MENTAL AGE WILL INCREASE ONE YEAR FOR EVERY THREE SPENT ON THE NET.

255. WEB SITES DIE BECAUSE THEY ARE BORING.

256. IF YOU WANT TO BLOW OFF AN HOUR A DAY IN 30 SECOND INCREMENTS, FIRE UP YOUR WEB BROWSER.

257. FIFTEEN MINUTES AFTER SURFING THE WEB FOR AN HOUR, MOST PEOPLE CAN'T TELL YOU HALF THE PLACES THEY'VE BEEN NOR A QUARTER OF WHAT THEY'VE READ.

258. CUTE ICONS ARE INFO-CLUTTER.

259. IF A SITE TAKES MORE THAN 30 SECONDS TO LOAD, HIT THE STOP BUTTON.

260. WEED YOUR BOOKMARKS FILE REGULARLY.

261. ON THE WEB, VISION IS THE MASK OF GREED.

262. NO CONTENT, NO CALL BACK.

263. WEB SURFERS HAVE NO PATIENCE, NONE, ZERO, NEGATIVE NUMBERS.

264. THE HARD CURRENCY OF CYBERSPACE IS ATTENTION.

265. A HOME PAGE HAS VERY LIMITED REAL ESTATE.

266. REVISE ALL ESTIMATES OF TIME AND MONEY BEFORE BEGINNING WEB WORK. DOUBLE THEM. WAIT A WEEK AND DOUBLE THEM AGAIN. START. THEN REVISE TIME LINE AND COST ESTIMATES UPWARD.

267. BE WARY OF WEB SITES BEARING GIFTS, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE VISITOR 999,999.

268. SIMPLE MINDS ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO THE NET. BUT IT CAN MANUFACTURE THEM.

269. AVOID ANONYMITY.

270. STEAL A PASSWORD, GO TO JAIL. THOU SHALT NOT HACK PASSWORDS.

271. *CAN* DOES NOT MEAN *MUST*.

272. ON DYSFUNCTIONAL SYSTEMS AND PAGES EVERYONE THINKS ALIKE.

273. ON FUNCTIONAL SYSTEMS EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE ALLY.

274. DO NOT INFRINGE COPYRIGHT.

275. IT'S *ALL* COPYRIGHTED. LEARN IT, LOVE IT, LIVE IT, BUT FOR GOPOD'S SAKE QUIT DEBATING IT.

276. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ARE ASKED FREQUENTLY.

277. NEVER BUG OR HARASS OTHERS WITH FEMALE LOGINS. WE NEED ALL THE WOMEN WE CAN GET IF CYBERSPACE IS EVER GOING TO BECOME CIVILIZED.

278. YOU REALLY CAN'T MAKE MONEY FAST ON THE NET NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU SEE A NOTICE THAT SAYS SO.

279. DON'T DO BUSINESS IN THE SCHOOLYARD.

280. THOU SHALT NOT SPAM.

281. TIME SINKS ARE JUST THAT.

282. WHEN PROVEN WRONG INSULT THE VICTOR.

283. DON'T SNOOP.

284. IGNORE ALIEN ORDERS.

285. THREATENING TO SUE OR TO CONTACT AN EMPLOYER WILL ONLY GET YOU SHUNNED.

286. THOU SHALT NOT SPAM, NOR SHALL THOU BUY ANYTHING FROM THOSE THAT DO.

287. GOOD PROGRAMMERS DON'T RELEASE BAD VIRUSES.

288. LOOK AWAY WHEN SOMEONE ENTERS THEIR PASSWORD.

289. KEEP YOUR PERVERSIONS TO YOURSELF.

290. GOSSIP TRAVELS BY EMAIL FASTER THAN BY TELEPHONE.

291. THERE ARE NO FLAME FREE ZONES IN CYBERSPACE.

292. DON'T TRY TO PUT OUT A FLAME WAR WITH A SQUIRT GUN.

293. THE FIRST ONE TO BREAK OFF IN A FLAME WAR IS NOT NECESSARILY THE WINNER.

294. BETTER A LURKER THAN A LUSER.

295. IT IS FUTILE TO TRY TO FORCE YOUR WILL ON PEOPLE WHO CAN TUNE YOU OUT WITH THE PRESS OF A KEY.

296. IN CASE OF FIRE, CUT SLACK.

297. DON'T FEED SOMEONE ELSE'S FLAME WAR.

298. AS A LAST RESORT, TRY LOGGING OFF.

299. TELLING A FLAMER TO 'GET A LIFE' WILL NOT WORK.

300. IF FLAMED, FLAME BACK. OTHERWISE, YOU WILL GET NO RESPECT.

301. FLAMEWARS SURFACE THE LURKERS.

302. THERE ARE ALWAYS FEWER LURKERS THAN PEOPLE THINK THERE ARE.

303. DO NOT POST THE STATEMENT "RAP IS NOT MUSIC." TO ANY DISCUSSION GROUP AT ANY TIME.

304. IMMEDIATELY DELETE AND IGNORE ANY STATEMENT THAT BEGINS, "RAP IS NOT MUSIC."

305. LARGE FLAMEWARS NEVER DIE. SEE: "WHAT IS FAIR USE?"

306. IN A FULL-SCALE FLAME WAR THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR VICTORY.

307. THE DRAMATIS PERSONAE OF THE NET ARE: YAHOOS, KOOKS, MALICIOUS USERS AND SOCIAL ENGINEERS, BLATHERERS, ELITISTS, LUSERS, NEWBIES, CYBERHOMOPHOBES, VICTIMS, ENCYCLOPEDIA SALESMEN OF THE SELF, SCREED MONGERS AND PAMPHLETEERS, THE NICE POLICE, THUGS, PERVERTS, AND PUNKS. BUT YOU ARE AN INDIVIDUAL.

308. THE NET IS MORE THAN THE SUM OF ITS HYPE.

309. THE DEATH OF THE NET IS NEITHER IMMINENT NOR PROBABLE.

310. THE LIMITS OF KNOWLEDGE ARE IN OUR MINDS NOT OUR MACHINES.

311. IF YOU PLAY WITH IT TOO LONG, YOU MIGHT GO BLIND.

312. DON'T GO META WITHOUT A GOOD REASON.

313. THE INTERNET MAPS THE HUMAN MIND AND SOUL.

314. THE NET IS FREE BUT IT STILL COSTS MONEY BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH "INFORMATION WANTS TO BE FREE" PEOPLE STILL NEED TO GET PAID.

315. ON THE NET, SEPTEMBER IS THE CRUELEST MONTH.

316. THE NET IS NOT AN ORGANIZED ENTITY, ALTHOUGH IT DOES POSSESS ORGANIZATION. TO AN EXTENT. SOMETIMES.

317. COMPUTERS ONLY ENHANCE, BUT CANNOT REPLACE, TEACHERS.

318. *THEY* DETERMINE WHAT'S IN THE MEDIA. *WE* DETERMINE WHAT'S ON THE NET.

319. THE NET DOES NOT REPRESENT THE EMERGENCE OF THE WORLD MIND, BUT IT IS A REASONABLE FACSIMILE.

320. REALIZE THAT LIBERTARIANS ARE THE DOMINANT POLITICAL PARTY ON THE NET.

321. DO NOT USE CLIPPER OR ANY OTHER GOVERNMENT MANDATED ENCRYPTION SYSTEM. GET PGP, SOMETHING LIKE IT, OR ROLL YOUR OWN.

322. BE SUSPICIOUS OF ALL MODERATORS.

323. MAKE IT HOT FOR THOSE THAT TRY TO CHILL THE NET.

324. MAKE NO RULES USERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW.

325. ONCE YOU KNOW HOW TO GET ON THE NET, HELP TWO OTHERS TO GET ON THE NET.

326. WE DON'T HAVE TO GET THE NET TOGETHER, THE NET IS TOGETHER. OUR JOB IS TO *KEEP* IT TOGETHER.

327. THE NET IS BOTH A SOLVENT AND A RESOLVENT.

328. WHAT IS THE NET? IT IS THE FIRST FREE AND GLOBAL REPUBLIC OF THE MIND. IT BELONGS TO YOU. IF YOU CAN KEEP IT.

329. THE NET ONLY CONNECTS.

330. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT'S OUT THERE. ENGAGE

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Posted by Vanderleun at July 28, 2007 2:46 AM | TrackBack
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Comments:

AMERICAN DIGEST HOME
"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Causes socialist utopians to "poop thier pants".

Posted by: rexrs at July 28, 2007 4:20 AM

The Armillaria ostoyae, a mycelial network spanning 2,200 acres in the Malheur National Forest in Oregon, was the world's largest kown fungus prior to the internet.

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at July 28, 2007 10:46 AM

The Armillaria ostoyae, a mycelial network spanning 2,200 acres in the Malheur National Forest in Oregon, was the world's largest known fungus prior to the internet.

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at July 28, 2007 10:47 AM

About #315: Update: On the net it is always September.

Now for other axioms...

No matter how you phrase it somebody will always take what you say in the worst possible way.

You can't reason with everybody.

Baseless, vicious attacks only deserve a good chewing out.

Those who use a fake email deserve to get blacklisted.

If you can't sum up your thinking in 25 words or less, make it an interesting read.

In a world with hundreds of millions of users most any subject will garner an audience of a dozen people or so.

The ability to edit comments is a powerful tool. Use it on the deserving and have fun with it.

On the Net people can tell when you're a jerk.

Posted by: Alan Kellogg at July 28, 2007 2:56 PM

Sometimes, even when people have the 'net, they ain't got the net.

Posted by: Ben USN (Ret) at July 29, 2007 12:30 AM

about that brevity thing...

Posted by: Babs at July 31, 2007 1:07 PM

THE WAY TO GET GOOD INFORMATION IS NOT TO ASK FOR IT, BUT RATHER TO POST BAD INFORMATION.

Posted by: Alan Chamberlain at August 9, 2007 9:35 PM

This is a really cool list...and I'm not sure if you intended it, but it is really thought-provoking as well

NS

Posted by: Narsi at September 14, 2007 8:50 AM
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