Study of these 12 Sacred Steps is essential to progress in New York Times Anon. The principles they embody are universal, applicable to everyone caught in its web of murder, insanity, death.
In New York Times Anon (NYet Anon), we strive for an ever-deeper understanding of our addiction to NYeTimes' Blather&Spew® and devote ourselves to ending it forever in our lives through a constant devotion to FoxNews' Report&Deride® as we have come to understand it. We are always mindful that even one small sip of a Maureen Dowd column can lead to a life of despair and rapid intellectual bottoming out. Here then is our credo:
Posted by Vanderleun at December 11, 2007 2:21 PM | TrackBack
1. We admitted we were powerless over The NY Times -- that our reading lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a FoxNews greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, truth, justice and the American Way.
3. Made a decision to turn our New York Times subscription (and our lust to feel smarter than the guy next door who reads the Weekly World News) over to the care of FoxNews as we understood It, and to turn the cash over to RushLimbaugh.com in $5 increments.
4. Made a searching moral inventory of Bill Keller, Maureen Dowd, Paul Krugman, Pinch and the other Pillsbury Doughboys® bobbing in the NYet Times Op-Ed hot tub. Having done so we did not forget to shower and rinse off.
5. Admitted to FoxNews, to ourselves and to Freerepublic.com the exact nature of our misplaced credulity and lust after a front page review of our next book in the NYet Times Sunday Book Review.
6. Were entirely ready to have FoxNews and our local proctologist remove all copies of the NY Times from our memory banks.
7. Humbly asked Bill O'Reilly to remove our shortcomings. Got the last word.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed by quoting the NY Times in arguments and blatherfests, and became willing to send them gift subscriptions to the National Review.
9. Watched FoxNews wherever possible, except when to do so, such as overhearing a chance remark from Alan Colmes, would cause our teeth to burst into flames.
10. Continued to guard against reading the NY Times, and when we slipped promptly watched FoxNews, and, as penance, listened to six continuous hours of Michael Savage savage the English language and tongue kiss his dog.
11. Sought through seeking out Anne Coulter on eharmony.com to improve our conscious contact with FoxNews as we understood it, praying only for Geraldo to throw himself on an IED while on assignment in Bananastan.
12. Having had a huge amount of spare time restored to our lives, especially on Sundays, as the result of not reading the NY Times, we tried to extend the blessings of our watching of FoxNews to others who were still addicted to the NY Times.